This has been the best summer that I can remember. July has been filled with playdates, trips to the spray park, evening walks and baby snuggles. And the best is yet to come! Tomorrow is August!
August is my favorite month, mostly because it's my birthday month (27 on the 4th!) and also because it's a summer month and I love summer! July has been super laid back. We haven't ventured too far from home (read: past Saskatoon) because hello, we needed some serious downtime after the craziness that was May and June. It's been family time, all the time, which is fantastic but I also love to get away and so that's why I'm super excited for August! We have so many fun things coming up!
This coming weekend (August long) we're going to the lake with my family. Friends of ours from church are letting us use their site and camper since they are away. This will be our first time camping with Aviannah. Actually, this will be our first time camping with Cassidy and Aviannah. We stayed in my uncle's cabin at Candle Lake last summer but that doesn't count. I don't even really count staying in a camper as camping but whatever, it's close. We grew up tenting. That's the real way to camp! But considering we have a 3 year old and a 4 month old, this time I will gladly take the camper over the tent! Camping is always exhausting but I'm glad we're doing it with my family and not just the 4 of us. At least we'll have more help that way! And it's my birthday weekend. Which means cake at the lake!
The weekend after August long we're taking a day trip to Caronport for a family reunion on John's side. I spent a few years living in Caronport, although being that I was 2-4 years of age, I don't remember much! My mom told me where we lived so I'm excited to drive by and see how much I remember! I always love getting together with the Vanstone crew so it should be a good time!
Then, the weekend after THAT we get to go to a Rider game!!!! I haven't been to one in YEARS!! A group from our church is taking a bus down, which will make it even funner! (yes, funner.) Oh my goodness, I am excited for this! And no, we're not taking the girls. Haha. As if.
We're also hosting a 5 day club at our house for the week after August long, and I think Cassidy will really enjoy that. We've already been working on verse memorization with her so I'm curious to see if she'll be able to memorize verses with the big kids! We also have a wedding we're attending on the 23rd. Weddings are always fun, and a wonderful excuse to buy a new dress (which I did today...)
So yeah, August will definitely be busier but so much fun! Starting in September life is going to look quite different for us (more on that later) so I'm planning to soak up as much as I can in this last month of summer.
Thursday 31 July 2014
Monday 28 July 2014
Their Stories
Lately I've been thinking about the friends we made during our time at the Ronald McDonald House. I often thought about it, but never did blog about the amazing people we met there. I would love to tell you about them.
We stayed at the Ronald McDonald house for 20 days. We had our own room, very much like a hotel room but the rest of the house we shared with everyone, such as the main sitting areas, kitchen and playrooms. The first few days we kept to ourselves. When John was at the hospital, Cassidy and I would play outside or watch TV. During the day the house was always quiet. One of the requirements of guests was that they spend a minimum of 6 hours at the hospital caring for their child daily. This was to ensure that they weren't taking advantage of the house and using it as a vacation and neglecting their sick child. There were others around during the day however, and it didn't take long for us to start making friends.
We were the only family staying at the house who was there for a happy reason. When we were going over everything with the staff, they mentioned how they adoptive families were their favorites. I quickly learned why. As I got to know other parents, we obviously first talked about our kids and why we were at the house. Their stories were heartbreaking. More then once after visiting with other moms I would go up to my room and cry for them. I couldn't believe the things they were having to endure. It was unimaginable to me and I felt guilty that we were there under such happy circumstances. I mean, yes, Aviannah was in the hospital but she was healthy and just needed a bit of extra care before she was ready to face the world. Her situation didn't even compare to the hell that these other families were going through.
I especially got to know two moms really well. I think about them often and I very much regret not getting any contact information from them. The one mom was there with her husband and their 11 year old daughter. Her 19 year old step-daughter, her husband's daughter, lived in a house trailer in Arizona with her new husband and their 10 month old baby girl. One day, without warning, their trailer exploded. They all survived, but were all hurt terribly. The baby was burnt quite badly and all of her fingers were either completely gone or partially gone. The husband and baby stayed in Arizona in a hospital there, and the wife had to be airlifted to Las Vegas because her burns were so much worse. Her whole body was burnt. The only place that wasn't was the top of her head. They were mostly 3rd degree and some 2nd. When we got to the house, this girl's parents had been their for a month already and looked to be staying for a few more months at least. I got to know this girl's stepmom really well and I was just devastated for them. The story goes so much deeper then what I've said here and I think about them everyday.
Another mom I got to know well was there with her 18 month old daughter who has leukaemia. Her daughter is actually a twin and this lady's husband was back home in Utah with their other daughter, so the family was separated. My heart broke for this little girl. She always looked so sad and the treatments were rough on her. Her mom was exhausted and missed the rest of her family. The day before we left her mom told me that they had gotten some important tests back. The doctors were optimistic that her cancer was digressing and that she might even be able to go home and continue a less rigorous chemo treatment from home. Instead, they learned that her cancer had gotten worse. Instead of going twice a week for chemo she was now going to have to go in 5 days a week, for more invasive treatments that would be harder on her tiny little body. Her chances of survival had dropped drastically. I didn't even know what to say when she told me this. I'm crying right now as I type this. I wonder how she is doing now. I don't even know how I would find out. These girls were miracle babies. Their parents had tried for years to have children, and were eventually blessed with twins. I know that feeling, the feeling of waiting years for your babies. To have that joy replaced by the tragedy of cancer- I can't imagine and it makes me so so angry.
There were so many others we met with equally heartbreaking stories. I wanted to share these ones with you and ask if you would please pray for these families. And also, would you please, when you have a chance, support the Ronald McDonald Foundation? They have houses across the world and they become home for many families. 20 days is nothing compared to how long some families stay and these houses are their refuge, their safe place. A place where they can, even for a little bit, forget about the hard things they are going through and relax. Meeting these families reminded me of how cruel life can be, and how much we need Jesus. Life is fleeting, and things can change in the blink of an eye. I'm thankful for a God who doesn't change and I know that whatever trials I have yet to face in this life, I won't be facing them alone. I hope we were able to give some of this hope to the families we met.
Friday 25 July 2014
Things that get Lost in the Night
Nights in the Letkeman home have been more eventful and less restful since Aviannah joined our family. But I think last night wins for most eventful yet!
In case you didn't know, I do strange things in my sleep sometime. Often my dreams get blurred with reality and I'm not able to determine which is which. Like the time I dreamt I wasn't wearing pajama pants and I woke up to myself tearing apart my dresser looking for my pants. Or the times (happened more then once) that I woke up and freaked out because there was a man in my bed and a few minutes later realized that I'm married to him and it's allowed :)
So there's some background on my sleep antics. Now to recap about the adventure last night. Aviannah woke around 1:00 wanting to eat. She never wakes up screaming but she always starts out by grunting and squeaking loudly and if I don't respond fairly quickly it turns into cries. So I was pulled from my sleep by the sound of her grunting. I instinctively reached for my glasses on my night stand, only to discover that they weren't there. Another thing you need to know about me is that I'm basically blind without glasses or contacts. My hand has to be practically smacking me in the face before it looks clear to me. So when I couldn't find my glasses in their regular spot I began feeling blindly around on the rest of my night stand. Sometimes they fall on the floor so I checked there too. Then I thought that perhaps when I took my contacts out, I never actually put my glasses on because I went directly to bed after. So I stumbled to the bathroom and checked my glasses case. Nope. Empty. Aviannah was now crying and I knew I wouldn't be able to see to make her bottle, so I woke the sleeping husband. I explained my plight and he willingly joined in the search for my glasses while I held a very hungry baby. After a few minutes he found them in the middle of our bed, underneath the covers. We figured in my sleep I must've tried to put them on and missed and they ended up in the bed. Weird. Anyway. Fed the baby, went back to sleep. All was well.
I got up once more with her in the night and everything was as it should be. Fast forward to this morning. Aviannah joined me in the bed around 6:30 and we slept for another hour. Cassidy woke and I went to take her to the bathroom. That's when I noticed that my wedding rings were not on my finger! One more thing to know about me- I never ever ever ever ever ever ever take off my rings. Not to shower, not to do dishes, and not to sleep. So I immediately felt a bit panicky when I didn't see them in their usual place. My first thought was that perhaps they, like my glasses, were in my bed. But Aviannah was sleeping in there and I didn't want to wake her, so I very impatiently waited until she stirred then searched the bed like a mad woman. I thankfully found them very quickly, under the covers, just like my glasses were.
So I really have no idea what was going on in my head last night. I have no recollection of dreaming about taking off my rings or my glasses, but somehow they both ended up in the bed. I'm just thankful that my glasses didn't break and that my rings aren't lost! All's well that ends well! And yes, John gets a kick out of my nightly antics. But I'm not the only one who does funny things in my sleep. Like Wednesday night, when I came back to bed after a feeding, snuggled up to him and he growled at me...yeah...
In case you didn't know, I do strange things in my sleep sometime. Often my dreams get blurred with reality and I'm not able to determine which is which. Like the time I dreamt I wasn't wearing pajama pants and I woke up to myself tearing apart my dresser looking for my pants. Or the times (happened more then once) that I woke up and freaked out because there was a man in my bed and a few minutes later realized that I'm married to him and it's allowed :)
So there's some background on my sleep antics. Now to recap about the adventure last night. Aviannah woke around 1:00 wanting to eat. She never wakes up screaming but she always starts out by grunting and squeaking loudly and if I don't respond fairly quickly it turns into cries. So I was pulled from my sleep by the sound of her grunting. I instinctively reached for my glasses on my night stand, only to discover that they weren't there. Another thing you need to know about me is that I'm basically blind without glasses or contacts. My hand has to be practically smacking me in the face before it looks clear to me. So when I couldn't find my glasses in their regular spot I began feeling blindly around on the rest of my night stand. Sometimes they fall on the floor so I checked there too. Then I thought that perhaps when I took my contacts out, I never actually put my glasses on because I went directly to bed after. So I stumbled to the bathroom and checked my glasses case. Nope. Empty. Aviannah was now crying and I knew I wouldn't be able to see to make her bottle, so I woke the sleeping husband. I explained my plight and he willingly joined in the search for my glasses while I held a very hungry baby. After a few minutes he found them in the middle of our bed, underneath the covers. We figured in my sleep I must've tried to put them on and missed and they ended up in the bed. Weird. Anyway. Fed the baby, went back to sleep. All was well.
I got up once more with her in the night and everything was as it should be. Fast forward to this morning. Aviannah joined me in the bed around 6:30 and we slept for another hour. Cassidy woke and I went to take her to the bathroom. That's when I noticed that my wedding rings were not on my finger! One more thing to know about me- I never ever ever ever ever ever ever take off my rings. Not to shower, not to do dishes, and not to sleep. So I immediately felt a bit panicky when I didn't see them in their usual place. My first thought was that perhaps they, like my glasses, were in my bed. But Aviannah was sleeping in there and I didn't want to wake her, so I very impatiently waited until she stirred then searched the bed like a mad woman. I thankfully found them very quickly, under the covers, just like my glasses were.
So I really have no idea what was going on in my head last night. I have no recollection of dreaming about taking off my rings or my glasses, but somehow they both ended up in the bed. I'm just thankful that my glasses didn't break and that my rings aren't lost! All's well that ends well! And yes, John gets a kick out of my nightly antics. But I'm not the only one who does funny things in my sleep. Like Wednesday night, when I came back to bed after a feeding, snuggled up to him and he growled at me...yeah...
Monday 14 July 2014
Milestones
Right now Cassidy is watching a movie downstairs, Aviannah is playing contentedly on her play mat and I am watching her from the couch as the warm sunshine is streaming in through the windows...ahhh! Today is a good day!
It feels lately like both girls have been hitting some milestones around here! As I mentioned, we started night training Cassidy a little while back. So far she's been diaper free for 10 nights and... she hasn't wet the bed once! WHAT? I was completely prepared for numerous accidents and multiple loads of laundry but this kid is rocking it! For the first few nights, every time I got up with Avi, I'd also take Cassidy and put her on the potty. The first two nights she would go both times, but after that she'd go maybe once and then one night she didn't go at all! And then the same thing the next night, and the next night. Now I just go into her room, gently wake her and ask her if she needs to go potty. She usually says no and I leave it at that, because I know she can stay dry all night. Of course, this usually means a mad dash to the potty in the morning. She burst in on me this morning and yelled "I need to pee really really bad!"
I am so proud of her and she is even more proud of herself! Honestly, this is one milestone that I am overjoyed we've finally reached! Considering how hard it was to day-train her, I was not looking forward to the night. She was day trained for a good 6 months before we started on nights. I know some people tackle both at once, but she struggled so much with day training that I didn't want to overwhelm her and I'm so glad we waited. She is obviously ready now, and I know she wouldn't have been ready then. We are definitely waiting longer to start potty training Avi. Live and learn!
We now have a crib in Aviannah's room. I bought some really pretty bedding off the buy and sell on Facebook and the nursery is complete! Last week I started putting her down to nap in her crib because I want her to get used to it before we make the complete switch (she still sleeps in the bassinet in our room). We've been finding that after her 5:00 feeding in the morning, it's difficult to get her back to sleep in her bassinet. She will sleep for maybe half an hour and then fuss, so I bring her into bed to sleep with me. I don't mind this, but I don't really want to get her into that habit either. The other day John's alarm went off at 6 and it woke her, and there was no going back to sleep after that. So lately I've started putting her to bed in her crib after her 5:00 feeding and she will usually sleep at least another 2 hours in there, if not more! I am ALMOST ready to move her into the nursery full time. Almost. It is just comforting to me to know that she is an arms reach away from me and she still seems so little to be out of our room, but I am really loving how well she sleeps in her own room, so we'll see how the next few days play out! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am already mourning the loss of her babyhood. I packed away her newborn clothes the other day and that was harder then I thought it would be. She's still teeny tiny so it seems ridiculous that I would be thinking about this already, but I know it won't be long and she'll be walking and talking. Although that stage is super fun too! Oh the conflicting emotions!
Speaking of baby, she's becoming not so content on her playmat, so that's all for now! Thanks for reading!
It feels lately like both girls have been hitting some milestones around here! As I mentioned, we started night training Cassidy a little while back. So far she's been diaper free for 10 nights and... she hasn't wet the bed once! WHAT? I was completely prepared for numerous accidents and multiple loads of laundry but this kid is rocking it! For the first few nights, every time I got up with Avi, I'd also take Cassidy and put her on the potty. The first two nights she would go both times, but after that she'd go maybe once and then one night she didn't go at all! And then the same thing the next night, and the next night. Now I just go into her room, gently wake her and ask her if she needs to go potty. She usually says no and I leave it at that, because I know she can stay dry all night. Of course, this usually means a mad dash to the potty in the morning. She burst in on me this morning and yelled "I need to pee really really bad!"
I am so proud of her and she is even more proud of herself! Honestly, this is one milestone that I am overjoyed we've finally reached! Considering how hard it was to day-train her, I was not looking forward to the night. She was day trained for a good 6 months before we started on nights. I know some people tackle both at once, but she struggled so much with day training that I didn't want to overwhelm her and I'm so glad we waited. She is obviously ready now, and I know she wouldn't have been ready then. We are definitely waiting longer to start potty training Avi. Live and learn!
We now have a crib in Aviannah's room. I bought some really pretty bedding off the buy and sell on Facebook and the nursery is complete! Last week I started putting her down to nap in her crib because I want her to get used to it before we make the complete switch (she still sleeps in the bassinet in our room). We've been finding that after her 5:00 feeding in the morning, it's difficult to get her back to sleep in her bassinet. She will sleep for maybe half an hour and then fuss, so I bring her into bed to sleep with me. I don't mind this, but I don't really want to get her into that habit either. The other day John's alarm went off at 6 and it woke her, and there was no going back to sleep after that. So lately I've started putting her to bed in her crib after her 5:00 feeding and she will usually sleep at least another 2 hours in there, if not more! I am ALMOST ready to move her into the nursery full time. Almost. It is just comforting to me to know that she is an arms reach away from me and she still seems so little to be out of our room, but I am really loving how well she sleeps in her own room, so we'll see how the next few days play out! I can't believe I'm saying this, but I am already mourning the loss of her babyhood. I packed away her newborn clothes the other day and that was harder then I thought it would be. She's still teeny tiny so it seems ridiculous that I would be thinking about this already, but I know it won't be long and she'll be walking and talking. Although that stage is super fun too! Oh the conflicting emotions!
Speaking of baby, she's becoming not so content on her playmat, so that's all for now! Thanks for reading!
Saturday 12 July 2014
4 Months
Aviannah is 4 months old today! I want to document what she's like at each month so I can remember and since I don't have a baby book yet (gotta get on that) I'm documenting it on here. We arrived home 2 days after she turned 3 months so this is her first month birthday at home!
-She smiles ALOT! Anytime anyone talks to her and smiles at her, they are usually rewarded with a big toothless grin. She saves the biggest smiles for John and I :)
- She is becoming very vocal. If she's happy and fed and dry, she loves to play on her playmat and just talk away. I've been working on teaching her the word "Mom" and it really does sound like she says it sometimes!
- She can grasp toys with our help, not quite on her own yet, but she loves to hit at the toys that hang down from her playmat and watch them swing back and forth.
- She is starting to respond to her name. She also responds really well to the sound of my voice and John's voice. If someone else is holding her and we are talking, she whips her head around looking for us and when she sees us, she locks on and doesn't take her eyes off us. It's very cute!
- She is usually very content. She cries when she's hungry or wet (but what baby doesn't?) but other then that she's pretty happy most of the time. She does usually have some fussy time in the evening.
- She loves being outside! The fresh air usually makes her pass out.
- She is now eating 2 and a half to 3 oz. most feedings. She is still waking every 3-4 hours at night to eat.
- She startles easily. If she is asleep and something wakes her, the bottom lip goes out and she screams! I try not to laugh, because the look on her face is too cute!
- She loves loves loves being naked. When she's up on the changing table she is so pleased.
- She loves bath time. We lay her on a bath mat and put a warm washcloth over her and she is pleased as punch. The last couple times I've let Cassidy be in the bath with her as well and she enjoys watching her big sister.
- She still sleeps alot, but is having more and more awake time. She's started to be routine in when her awake times are. She is not on any kind of schedule yet.
- She is most happiest when she's being snuggled. This makes me happy!
I can't believe she's already 4 months old! Her adjusted age is more around 2 months, but she is definitely growing! We see the doctor again next week and I'm excited to hear what she weighs now. We love life with this tiny little darling!
-She smiles ALOT! Anytime anyone talks to her and smiles at her, they are usually rewarded with a big toothless grin. She saves the biggest smiles for John and I :)
- She is becoming very vocal. If she's happy and fed and dry, she loves to play on her playmat and just talk away. I've been working on teaching her the word "Mom" and it really does sound like she says it sometimes!
- She can grasp toys with our help, not quite on her own yet, but she loves to hit at the toys that hang down from her playmat and watch them swing back and forth.
- She is starting to respond to her name. She also responds really well to the sound of my voice and John's voice. If someone else is holding her and we are talking, she whips her head around looking for us and when she sees us, she locks on and doesn't take her eyes off us. It's very cute!
- She is usually very content. She cries when she's hungry or wet (but what baby doesn't?) but other then that she's pretty happy most of the time. She does usually have some fussy time in the evening.
- She loves being outside! The fresh air usually makes her pass out.
- She is now eating 2 and a half to 3 oz. most feedings. She is still waking every 3-4 hours at night to eat.
- She startles easily. If she is asleep and something wakes her, the bottom lip goes out and she screams! I try not to laugh, because the look on her face is too cute!
- She loves loves loves being naked. When she's up on the changing table she is so pleased.
- She loves bath time. We lay her on a bath mat and put a warm washcloth over her and she is pleased as punch. The last couple times I've let Cassidy be in the bath with her as well and she enjoys watching her big sister.
- She still sleeps alot, but is having more and more awake time. She's started to be routine in when her awake times are. She is not on any kind of schedule yet.
- She is most happiest when she's being snuggled. This makes me happy!
I can't believe she's already 4 months old! Her adjusted age is more around 2 months, but she is definitely growing! We see the doctor again next week and I'm excited to hear what she weighs now. We love life with this tiny little darling!
Thursday 10 July 2014
Confessions
I made a comment yesterday on Facebook about how Aviannah has not cured my baby fever, but only made it worse. I also said how I was sad because she is probably our last baby, since we can't afford to adopt again. At least 5 people piped up and said they'd gladly help support another adoption. This made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside, but it also stirred up a feeling of panic and slight terror. I've been wrestling with this thought for awhile now and I didn't want to share it because I was afraid of the backlash that might ensue, but after yesterday it's been heavy on my mind, and so I want to confess something to you:
I do not enjoy adopting.
Now. Let me explain. I L.O.V.E my girls. I would do their adoptions over and over again if I had to. I would choose them over any biological children I could have any day. The way they came to us is nothing short of miraculous and I've never stopped marvelling how evident God's hand was in both of their adoptions. I can't wait to tell them the story of how we brought them home over and over again. I have come to a place where I am so thankful that God chose to grow our family through adoption. He has completely wrecked me for the better, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yet...I really really do not enjoy the adoption process. When we were right in the thick of Aviannah's adoption I remember talking to John one night and I was in tears because I didn't feel passionate about adoption and I thought that was so wrong. I have friends who are passionate about adoption, and it is awesome! I tried really hard to be like them, but I just couldn't. I struggled with this for a while, but I've now come to a place where I am ok with that. You might not understand how I can't be passionate about adoption and yet have adopted twice, but honestly, the only reason we adopted is because it was the only option we had to have children. That may sound completely selfish, but I'm not going to try to sugar-coat it. It's the truth. I never (unless God laid it on my heart, of course) would have considered adoption if I were able to have bear my own children. Some people say they've always wanted to adopt. I never even thought once about it. Please don't take this to mean that I don't care about orphans because I really, really do. I have and will continue to support those who are working so hard to bring one of these children home, because I think that it's biblical and beautiful and I think we all need to take a stake in the orphan crisis.
I feel bad saying all this because honestly, both our adoptions have been almost flawless. We've adopted twice in 3 years. That alone is almost unheard of. Apart from a few bumps in Cassidy's adoption (very minor bumps), we've had no problems. And yet both the adoption processes were very, very stressful for me. With Cassidy's, it was the waiting to get it finalized. She was with us almost immeadiately from the start, but it took over a year before it was final. Learning how to accomodate her birth family was extremely difficult for me. We have a wonderful, wonderful relationship with them now, but it was a long road to get there, and only John knows how badly I struggled with it. With Aviannah's, it was the money and the waiting and all the paperwork. It all came together, but the process really wore me down. These days, I am deliriously happy and it's partly because I have the cutest baby EVER and it's mostly because we are not adopting right now. Really, I can't find words for how happy that makes me. And that's why, when all those lovely people started saying how they'd help us again, my heart sank and I wanted to go curl up in the fetal position in a closet somewhere. Because the thought of adopting again, right now, is too much for me. I can't handle it. I know we're just fresh out of one, and in a few years I might change my tune, but for now, just no.
I've met many other adoptive parents and I feel like I don't belong in the adoptive community because these people are fighting every single day for their kids, fighting the system and fighting for change, and I just don't have that in me. I'm so glad that they have that passion, because I agree that things need to change. There are too many children without families and that needs to change. Like I said, I will support others who adopt, and who knows, maybe we'll adopt again but it's not my passion, it's not my dream and I've learned that that's ok. For now, our family feels complete. We have some ideas about what we'd like to do a few years down the road, but for now we're fine the way we are.
Please know how grateful we are for the love and support you've shown us. Grateful beyond words. If there's one thing I've learned through all of this, it's that God is full of surprises, and so I wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, we'll be back at it again. Your show of support for another adoption makes me feel a little less panicked about it and that means everything.
I do not enjoy adopting.
Now. Let me explain. I L.O.V.E my girls. I would do their adoptions over and over again if I had to. I would choose them over any biological children I could have any day. The way they came to us is nothing short of miraculous and I've never stopped marvelling how evident God's hand was in both of their adoptions. I can't wait to tell them the story of how we brought them home over and over again. I have come to a place where I am so thankful that God chose to grow our family through adoption. He has completely wrecked me for the better, and I wouldn't have it any other way.
Yet...I really really do not enjoy the adoption process. When we were right in the thick of Aviannah's adoption I remember talking to John one night and I was in tears because I didn't feel passionate about adoption and I thought that was so wrong. I have friends who are passionate about adoption, and it is awesome! I tried really hard to be like them, but I just couldn't. I struggled with this for a while, but I've now come to a place where I am ok with that. You might not understand how I can't be passionate about adoption and yet have adopted twice, but honestly, the only reason we adopted is because it was the only option we had to have children. That may sound completely selfish, but I'm not going to try to sugar-coat it. It's the truth. I never (unless God laid it on my heart, of course) would have considered adoption if I were able to have bear my own children. Some people say they've always wanted to adopt. I never even thought once about it. Please don't take this to mean that I don't care about orphans because I really, really do. I have and will continue to support those who are working so hard to bring one of these children home, because I think that it's biblical and beautiful and I think we all need to take a stake in the orphan crisis.
I feel bad saying all this because honestly, both our adoptions have been almost flawless. We've adopted twice in 3 years. That alone is almost unheard of. Apart from a few bumps in Cassidy's adoption (very minor bumps), we've had no problems. And yet both the adoption processes were very, very stressful for me. With Cassidy's, it was the waiting to get it finalized. She was with us almost immeadiately from the start, but it took over a year before it was final. Learning how to accomodate her birth family was extremely difficult for me. We have a wonderful, wonderful relationship with them now, but it was a long road to get there, and only John knows how badly I struggled with it. With Aviannah's, it was the money and the waiting and all the paperwork. It all came together, but the process really wore me down. These days, I am deliriously happy and it's partly because I have the cutest baby EVER and it's mostly because we are not adopting right now. Really, I can't find words for how happy that makes me. And that's why, when all those lovely people started saying how they'd help us again, my heart sank and I wanted to go curl up in the fetal position in a closet somewhere. Because the thought of adopting again, right now, is too much for me. I can't handle it. I know we're just fresh out of one, and in a few years I might change my tune, but for now, just no.
I've met many other adoptive parents and I feel like I don't belong in the adoptive community because these people are fighting every single day for their kids, fighting the system and fighting for change, and I just don't have that in me. I'm so glad that they have that passion, because I agree that things need to change. There are too many children without families and that needs to change. Like I said, I will support others who adopt, and who knows, maybe we'll adopt again but it's not my passion, it's not my dream and I've learned that that's ok. For now, our family feels complete. We have some ideas about what we'd like to do a few years down the road, but for now we're fine the way we are.
Please know how grateful we are for the love and support you've shown us. Grateful beyond words. If there's one thing I've learned through all of this, it's that God is full of surprises, and so I wouldn't be surprised if, in a few years, we'll be back at it again. Your show of support for another adoption makes me feel a little less panicked about it and that means everything.
Tuesday 8 July 2014
Don't Have a Cow
When I opened my Facebook page this morning, I saw that there's been some excitement in Warman. Apparently a cow got loose and came into town. From what I read (do not quote me on this, and please correct me if I'm wrong) the police and others tried capturing the cow but it became aggressive and was charging at vehicles and people. So they proceeded to shoot the cow and it unfortunately took many shots before it was killed.
Well. You'd think the world was coming to an end. I couldn't believe all the people that were livid over the situation. They raged on and on about how inhumane it was to shoot the cow and how traumatizing for all the people involved and what about animal rights and so on and so forth. It sounded like some teenagers had witnessed it and I admit, that would be scary and I would not want to see something like that, but people!
Its. A. Cow.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that thinks this whole thing is ridiculous. Cows are for food. They are not pets, they are food. I am an animal lover. I love my dog. I think animals are wonderful and make this life a lot more fun. I also think some animals are delicious. Like cows. And it's not even like we live in a place like New York with a bunch of city slickers. This is a farming community! People here know that cows are for food. I do understand that this was an unorthodox situation but all I could think about was how messed up our priorities are. What about the millions of babies who have been and are being aborted? Who's crying foul over that?
For me, the war on abortion feels personal. Because my babies could have easily been aborted. They could have easily been another statistic instead of here in my arms. Between both my girls, 7 of their half-siblings were aborted. 7! There are not words for how I feel about this. I'm not sure what made their birth mothers choose life for Cassidy and Aviannah, but I will never stop being thankful that they did. It often feels like we're fighting a losing battle and that there's nothing we can do, but I believe that God is bigger then even the biggest problems. I often wonder why He doesn't put a stop to things like abortion and poverty and the orphan crisis, but I trust that His ways are bigger then my ways. In the meantime, I will continue to get worked up about abortion. I will continue to be mad about it and look for ways in which I can be a part of eliminating abortion all together.
I will not get worked up about a cow being shot.
Well. You'd think the world was coming to an end. I couldn't believe all the people that were livid over the situation. They raged on and on about how inhumane it was to shoot the cow and how traumatizing for all the people involved and what about animal rights and so on and so forth. It sounded like some teenagers had witnessed it and I admit, that would be scary and I would not want to see something like that, but people!
Its. A. Cow.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that thinks this whole thing is ridiculous. Cows are for food. They are not pets, they are food. I am an animal lover. I love my dog. I think animals are wonderful and make this life a lot more fun. I also think some animals are delicious. Like cows. And it's not even like we live in a place like New York with a bunch of city slickers. This is a farming community! People here know that cows are for food. I do understand that this was an unorthodox situation but all I could think about was how messed up our priorities are. What about the millions of babies who have been and are being aborted? Who's crying foul over that?
For me, the war on abortion feels personal. Because my babies could have easily been aborted. They could have easily been another statistic instead of here in my arms. Between both my girls, 7 of their half-siblings were aborted. 7! There are not words for how I feel about this. I'm not sure what made their birth mothers choose life for Cassidy and Aviannah, but I will never stop being thankful that they did. It often feels like we're fighting a losing battle and that there's nothing we can do, but I believe that God is bigger then even the biggest problems. I often wonder why He doesn't put a stop to things like abortion and poverty and the orphan crisis, but I trust that His ways are bigger then my ways. In the meantime, I will continue to get worked up about abortion. I will continue to be mad about it and look for ways in which I can be a part of eliminating abortion all together.
I will not get worked up about a cow being shot.
Saturday 5 July 2014
Lately
Cassidy has been potty trained for a while but still wore diapers to bed and for naps. She was still waking up wet most mornings and we wanted to make sure she really had the daytime potty training down before we introduced the night. We figured now is the perfect time to do it, since I'm up multiple times during the night anyway! Yesterday she told me "Mom, I don't need to wear diapers to bed anymore," and I was all "Let's do this!" So we bought a waterproof mattress pad and last night she wore panties to bed! Both John and I took her once during the night and both times we were both scared as to what we'd find in her room. But the night was a success! We had told her before we put her to bed that we'd be waking her up to go potty in the night. She waltzed into our room this morning, proudly announced that she had stayed dry and then said "But you guys never came to get me!" So she obviously doesn't remember our little excursions to the potty :) We're off to a good start, hopefully it continues!
Aviannah is growing like a weed! I really can't tell by looking at her because I see her everyday, but most of her newborn clothes are too small and over the past couple days she's increased what she eats. She used to eat 2 oz. every 3 hours and now she is eating 2 and a half to 3 oz. every 3 hours. I'm hoping this means she will soon start sleeping in longer stretches too! I'm not even sad that she's already outgrown some really cute clothes, because I'm just happy that she is growing! She has had such a rough start to life, but she's a fighter! I can really tell that she recognizes John and I. If someone else is holding her and one of us say something she immediately whips her head around to where the sound of our voice came from. She is completely fine with anybody holding her, but it's cute how she locks onto us as if to say "Ok, don't go anywhere now ok?" I've been loving all the smiles, and we've almost gotten a laugh out of her. When she's happy, content and full she just babbles away. I thinks she likes life with us. I like life with her too.
My grandma's funeral was on Wednesday and I can't stop thinking about it. It was the most God honoring and beautiful funeral I've ever been to. There were two things especially that stuck with me. The first was the way that her children spoke about her. Most of my aunts and uncles (there's 12 siblings) did tributes or sang, and it was easy to see the love and respect they had for her. They had nothing but praise for her. My grandma invested so much into her children's lives and loved them uncondionally and they are proof of that today. Seeing this made me think about the kind of mother I want to be, and also reminded me of Proverbs 31:28- "Her children arise and call her blessed." The second was how much of a prayer warrior she was. I always knew my grandma took prayer very seriously, but I don't think I truly understood how seriously until her funeral. My one uncle, the youngest of the 12, mentioned that in the time he lived at home, he didn't remember single day when my Grandma wasn't reading her bible and praying in the morning. A few other siblings re-iterated this. My dad showed us her prayer cards. They were so worn and were crammed full with names (we have a big family!) He showed me how she had stuffed Aviannah's name in where our family's names were written. This brought me to tears. Even in her last weeks, when she was in so much pain, she still made sure the newest family member didn't go un-prayed for. There was nothing more important to her then making sure that all of our family will be in heaven together one day and she never stopped praying for that. I don't know today where everyone stands, but I will continue to pray that that request will be answered in full. I also have to say that I've never been prouder of my dad. He spoke the message at her funeral which I know was not easy for him, but he did it with grace and perfection and his strength amazes me. It was truly a beautiful celebration. Grandma would've been embarrassed with all the attention, but she deserved every beautiful word that was spoken. Her life inspires me to live a better life for Jesus.
Life is just so sweet right now, and my babies are going to grow up too fast so I'm trying to soak in these days as much as I can.
Tuesday 1 July 2014
Cassidy Funnies: Chapter One
I love 3 year olds. They are a hoot. Mine is no exception. I've decided to start a blogging series on the funny things that come out of Cassidy's mouth, so I don't forget them later on and for your enjoyment of course. So here's Chapter 1 of the Cassidy Funnies
- one of the hotels we stayed in on our way home from Vegas had a pool. Cassidy and John swam while I sat with Avi. John had just gotten out of the hot tub and was standing there with his shorts dripping. Cassidy looks at him and says "Hey Dad, why are you peeing?"
- her new catchphrase is "or something". The other day I asked if she knew where Daddy was. She says "I don't know, he's in the garage or something."
Yesterday my friend Annette came for a visit. I asked Cassidy if she remembered Annette and she says "Oh yeah, she's my favorite! She used to be my friend or something."
- Today is Canada Day and she was excited to go to the parade but first she needed a bath. After her bath she was running around in her birthday suit and yelling "I'm naked and I'm going to the naked parade!"
- Every time she opens a door: "Do you want to build a snowman?"
There is more but I can't think of any right now. Stay tuned for Chapter 2!
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