Peace Out, 2020- A Year in Review

 Another year is coming to a close and 2020 was a nice, normal, non eventful year....

SAID NO ONE EVER.

In all seriousness, how do I even begin to recap this year? It's crazy to think that we are living out a truly historic time that will be written up in history books for decades to come. There has been so much negativity and division this year that I want to focus on the good moments in 2020. I can truly say that for our family, this year brought more good things than bad and for that I am grateful.

Highlights from 2020:

- the lockdown from March till June: this seems like a funny thing to list as a highlight but it honestly was my favorite time from this year. I ended up losing all my daycare families and became a homeschool mom. The girls and I spent every day together for two whole months, just the 3 of us, doing school, playing games and being creative with our time. It wasn't all roses, of course. Homeschooling was hard and I learned, as I had suspected, that the girls thrive in the school setting and homeschooling was not for them. But we did it, and we all learned a lot! Avi learned how to read, Cassidy made great strides in her spelling and mental math and I had so much fun learning alongside them. We really bonded during this time. I hadn't had this much one on one time with them since they were babies and it was really special.

Also, as a family this was such a special time. We spent the evenings either having family game night or family movie night. After the girls went to bed, John and I fell into a very comfortable routine. He played his computer game, I worked on a puzzle and we had The Office on in the background. We also got creative with at home date nights and made our own fancy meals together or ordered in from local restaurants. Our marriage really thrived this year. We hardly even had a disagreement and we really flourished with all the extended time spent together. 

All in all, a forced slowdown was exactly what we didn't know we needed. We were pretty busy pre-Covid and something that I'm taking away from all of this is that a slower lifestyle suits us much better. We were more engergized and more easygoing and relaxed. It was a very wonderful spring.

- Summer was another highlight. I started working again but just had a few families back. I worked straight through the summer and we had lots of fun playing outside and going on little adventures around Warman. We got to escape to the lake for a weekend, the girls and I took a trip to Sylvan Lake and the girls went with my parents to a cabin for a few days. It was a nice mix of adventure and relaxation.

- John and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in November. We had been planning on an all inclusive vacation to Mexico (thankfully we had not booked anything yet) and that trip being cancelled was the biggest disappointment of the year. Instead, we had a weekend staycation at a downtown hotel in Saskatoon and it was the most wonderful little getaway. We truly felt like tourist in our own city and being in our own city, we mostly just relaxed and recharged. We are still planning on that big vacation as soon as the quarantine period is lifted!

Other highlights:

- Aviannah and Cassidy turned 6 and 9 in March and finished Kindergarten and Grade 3 in June. They were able to return to school in September and both have amazing teachers and are really thriving being back in the school setting!

- We learned in August that Eric and Jill are having a baby in April 2021! We are all SO excited! This baby is going to be so loved!

- We finished our home study and officially got on the waiting list for our adoption in July. We pray every day that our 3rd child will come home soon! Here's hoping 2021 is finally the year we get to add to our family again.

Blessings from 2020:

- John never lost his job throughout the pandemic. Even though I did lose my job, I was able to collect CERB for two months. Financially, we remained stable and for that we are so grateful

-Health: I was super sick for the first 2 months of the year, right up until we learned about Covid. Looking back, I wonder if it was Covid that I had? Who knows. Since March, we've all stayed healthy. We had a mild cold at the end of August but other then that, we've been blessed with great health. Since starting daycare again in full force in September, we've had no sickness come through the house which is such a miracle! I'm praying this continues as we enter into the cold months of January and February.

-My daycare is busier then ever! All my families eventually came back and I have a few new ones starting in the new year. They are the most wonderful people to work for and I can't even believe that I get paid for spending my days with these fantastic little people.

-Our extended families are all happy and healthy as well.

I've saved the biggest highlight for last. If you follow me on social media, you'll know we undertook a major house renovation this year. It turned into a way bigger project then we originally intended. It all started with a desire to make our front door usable, and turned into a major overhaul inside and out. Once you start, it's hard to stop!! On the outside, we've literally changed everything. New siding, new windows and doors, new shingles, new exterior lights, plugs, mailbox and house numbers. On the inside, new paint on the main floor, new flooring in the living room and hallway, new furniture, new casings and baseboards, new light switch plates and plugs and new window seat. We contracted out the outdoor work but John has taken on all the indoor renos himself. He did a fantastic job and we are so pleased with our house. It feels like a brand new house! We plan to stay here for the foreseeable future and it's been such a gift turning this into our dream home. 

This year has definitely had it's hard moments. We are all feeling quite weary and drained from the toll this pandemic has taken on everything. Mentally, it has been quite exhausting and anxiety has crept up in me personally in some ways I haven't experienced in a long time. The fear and divisiveness this has all caused is so disheartening. I honestly have no idea what to expect in 2021, and I'm glad we don't know. God knows, and He is a good good Father, and that's all I need going into this next year. We are leaving 2020 stronger then  when we came in, closer as a family unit and stronger and more resilient as people. So goodbye 2020 and hello 2021!

Much love to you all.

And Now We Wait

I heard from our social worker the other day that we are officially registered and in the "waiting pool" as they call it. I had to tweak our family profile a bit and re-send that in and finally finally I am done everything from my end and...now we wait.

I'm finding this to be the weirdest waiting period out of our three adoptions. With Cassidy there wasn't a waiting period to get her, the whole thing was so surprising and unexpected. With her adoption, the wait happened once she was with us, the wait to get everything finalized. That took a lot longer then it should have but at least we had our girl home with us.
With Avi it was very similar to this one. We finished all our paperwork and were informed we were on the wait list, and waited until we got a phone call. That is exactly what will happen with this one as well. Our social worker will give us a call once we've been matched.
The HUGE difference between Avi's and this one is that with Avi we knew we were getting a newborn, so we could easily prepare for that. I feel like it was always on my mind because I was in a constant state of gathering baby items, setting up the nursery, etc. We were also super busy fundraising during that time so the adoption was very much the center of our lives.
This time there is nothing I can do to prepare because our age range is 0-3 and so there's no point in starting to gather items we might need because obviously a baby has different needs then a 3 year old and we won't know until we get the call what age this child will be, plus there is no fundraising necessary this time. 

My life is so hectic anyway that I feel like I often forget we are even in the midst of an adoption. But we could literally get a call any second that will change our lives. That is mind blowing to me. I know once we do get matched, everything is going to ramp up and it's going to be a mad rush to get everything together and this limbo right now feels so strange. I wish I could be preparing and setting up a room but it's pointless right now. 
I get crazy butterflies when I do think about it. We are just one phone call away from becoming a family of 5 (or 6!) My biggest prayer right now is that it happens sooner rather then later. This has been such a long process, it sure would be nice if this part didn't take too long. Your prayers for patience and peace are much appreciated! God willing, my next post on here will be introducing you to our new little one!!!

Big Update!!

I literally cannot stop smiling right now...

January 2018 is when we began the adoption process for kid #3 (as we lovingly refer to him/her when we pray for him/her). Everything started by moving along fairly quickly. By the end of January we had most of the documents in order that we needed and had almost completed our in class sessions. 

We started our visits to complete our mutual family assessment (MFA) and were able to meet pretty regularly, about once a month. In June the process came to a complete stop due to concerns from our worker's supervisor. We were told that we would likely not be able to proceed. Our worker told us that we are one of the best families she has ever worked with and she was going to do everything she could to advocate for us to keep moving forward. Thankfully our file was not closed and instead just put on hold for 6 months and we were tasked with some extra training and classes if we wanted to keep moving forward. 

We were so discouraged and frustrated. The reasons we were put on hold felt unfair. We decided to take a break. We left everything alone for a good 4-5 months, then we started to chip away at the extra tasks we'd been given. About mid 2019 we emailed our worker with our list of completed assignments and picked up from where we left off. She came for her next visit in July of 2019. We hadn't seen her in a year and a month. Unfortunately her workload was insane. The office was understaffed and overworked. We were at the bottom of her priority list, not by any fault of hers, that's just how it worked out. So we had one visit in July and the next one wasn't until fall, and the third one was February 2020.  Also, a bunch of our documents we had completed in January of 2018 had expired so we had to redo those. Our last visit where we completed the MFA was at the beginning of March 2020. She did a walk through of our home and said once she got everything typed and put together we could come in and sign off on our MFA and officially be on the wait list!

Then Covid 19 happened. Everything shut down. We communicated through email and our MFA was completed and ready for us to sign but that just wasn't possible because their offices were closed. So again, we waited. Honestly this was almost the hardest wait. We were so close! Things were finally moving quicker and then again, everything slammed to a halt. Last week we got an email from our worker saying that we could meet in her office to sign off on our MFA! With Saskatchewan entering Phase 3, they were allowed back in their building again.

Today was that day! This morning we met and went through our MFA (30 pages long!) and signed off. We had to sit across the room from our worker and it was so hard not to jump up and give her a hug. Her supervisor was in the office today and she is signing off on it this afternoon, then it gets sent to Regina to the Central Adoption Registry and by early next week, we should be registered and in the waiting pool! 

What a rollar coaster this has been! This adoption has felt like a fight every step of the way. Our worker even said we were admirable for sticking it out, she said not many people would be willing to go through all the hoops we had to go through. The truth is, I'm surprised we stuck it out too. I was ready to give up countless times, as was John. The thing was, whenever I was ready to give in, he pushed me through it and when he was feeling discouraged was when I was feeling persistent. I know this was not a coincidence. We have felt with everything in us that this is what God wants us to do. Even on the hardest days, we have been sure of this. I am so excited to meet this little one that God has picked out for us, because it has been a long road and we are more then ready to hold this child in our arms!

Please keep us in your prayers. We have no idea how long we will be waiting for. Our worker couldn't give us any kind of timeline because every situation is different. Also, because of Covid things are moving much slower. I'm just thankful that everything is out of our hands now and we can just sit back and wait for that phone call! I honestly can't believe that we are finally here. I have been guarding my heart and not fully letting myself believe that this is actually going to happen and now it's actually going to happen! There has been so much that God has taught me through this process (I could do a whole blog post on that alone) but the biggest thing is that His timing is perfect. One day we will look back on this and see that everything happened exactly how and when it was supposed to. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to us, and His nudge in our hearts to keep going, keep going, keep going.

Nothing Like A Pandemic to Get Me Blogging Again

It's been a year since I've wrote on here. I guess blogs aren't even really a "thing" anymore, but the time of life we are living through right now is so historic that I wanted to come on here and write down all my thoughts and feelings. I know I'll never forget this time, but details will become fuzzy and I want them recorded to look back on later. So this is really for me, but I have a feeling you might relate to most of this as well.

Today is April 2, 2020. When I look back to a month ago it is shocking how life has changed in every single way. I'm no stranger to how life can change in the blink of an eye, but it still isn't any less shocking when it happens. Our world is in the middle of a pandemic. Schools, churches, restaurants, hair salons, theaters, small business, shopping malls, playgrounds and more have closed. People are working from home. Parents are homeschooling their kids. We have been told to social distance and stay at home. We can't see our families, except over the internet. Borders are closed and travel is banned. Ironically, gas is cheaper then ever and we can't even go anywhere. 

So right now our life looks a lot different. I am not doing daycare right now. All of my families are at home with the kids and I'm not currently needed. So I'm home with just my girls. We are loosely following a school schedule and waiting for the weather to get nicer. John is still going to work. He works by himself in the shop so he's not at a high risk of contracting or spreading the virus. His work has still been busy, thankfully. All our evening events are cancelled. I just flipped the calendar over to April yesterday and sadly took note of all the events written for the month. Kids club, swimming lessons, gymnastics, Easter, school break. These were all exciting things to look forward to and now it's all cancelled. 

The girls are handling everything remarkably well. We had a tough first week of adjustment but we've fallen into a good groove. I know they miss their teacher and their friends. We had signed Cassidy up for gymnastics after a year of her begging to take lessons and they were supposed to start in 2 weeks. I just got an email saying that the spring session has been cancelled. They can't even go to the park outside our back gate. It's a lot of disappointment for little girls to handle. It's a lot for even me to handle. For the most part, I'm not minding this slower pace of life, and then all of a sudden I find myself crying into my pillow, overcome with the seriousness of the situation. I miss my friends too. I'm sad that the girls can't see their grandparents. I miss church. I miss going out and not being afraid that everything I touch could potentially make me or someone else sick. I miss date nights and restaurants. 

Our situation is not dire at all. John is still working and I'm hoping to qualify for the emergency benefits they are rolling out next week. We have money in our savings. Financially, we will be just fine. Physically, we are fine. In fact, we've been healthier then we've been in a while. We also just really enjoy being together. I feel like our marriage has never been better. I can't remember the last time we've argued. The girls have their moments but we are having lots of good, intentional family time. We are still putting the girls to bed on time so we can have an evening. I've been enjoying doing puzzles while John plays on the computer and we watch The Office together. I also dug out a piano piece that I didn't have time to learn, because now I do! I am loving having nothing up every night. I hope we can look back on this time and agree that it was a special bonding time for our family. 

I've been going for a walk everyday, without fail. Even yesterday, when it was miserable and cold, I still went, just not for as long. Even 20 minutes outside, by myself, in the fresh air, does wonders for my mental health. John has been so understanding about how I need this time and usually takes on bedtime while I'm out walking. We've always been a good team and I feel like lately we've been a great team! I've also been making myself get up at 7:30 every morning. I typically get up at 7 to get ready before my first daycare kids arrive. Now I really don't have anything to get up for. The girls usually eat breakfast with John. I could very easily let them play or watch a show while I sleep in. I find that if I do that, my day is shot. I am not a morning person but once I'm up, the morning is my most productive time of day. So I've been keeping my morning routine the same. Get up, get dressed, make the bed, empty the dishwasher and have my breakfast and coffee. We start school at 9:00 and by then I usually have done all these things and am ready to go. I'm hoping this will make the transition back into normal life easier as well (whenever that happens!)

Overall, we are doing fine. My heart hurts for those who are really struggling during this time. I know how blessed we are. For lots of children, school is their only safe space. Many people are struggling financially. This virus is wrecking havoc on our economy. It will not be an easy recovery. I had a lot of anxiety about everything for the first week. I am slowly settling into our new normal with the mantra "One day at a time". That's all we can do, and that's all God asks of us. I've had the chorus of Because He Lives running through my head lately. I think the words could not be more perfect during this time

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living just because He lives!"

2020, you are proving to be quite the year so far! Thank goodness nothing surprises God!