Oh my goodness! The smiles we've been getting today!
This morning when John got up Aviannah was fussing in her bassinet, but it wasn't feeding time yet so I asked John to put her in her swing while he was eating breakfast so I could sleep a bit more before it was time for her to eat. When he brought her back to bed almost an hour later, he handed her to me and I was rewarded with the biggest grin! You have to understand that Aviannah is usually quite smiley, but she only smiles as a response when we smile and talk to her. But today, as soon as she saw my face, before I even said anything to her, she smiled at me. I could tell it wasn't a I'm-smiling-because-you're-interacting-with-me smile, but a I--know-you-and-I-love-you smile. You have no idea how much this thrilled my heart.
Then it was John's turn. When he got home from work, she was sleeping in her swing (I promise she doesn't spend all day in there!) He went in the living room to say hello and as soon as she heard his voice her eyes flew wide open, she looked for him, spotted him and out came the same huge grin she gave me earlier. I am so happy that she is bonding with us. I've often wondered how much trauma she has suffered from being separated with the woman who carried her for 9 months. Even though she never saw her birth mother out of the womb, there has got to be some loss for her there. So the fact that she smiles so freely for us shows me that she feels safe and loved with us and is acknowledging us as her favorite people. The feeling is mutual :)
Yesterday we had Aviannah dedicated in church. It was a bittersweet day. My grandma (my dad's mom) passed away on Saturday and my family is still reeling from that loss. There had already been some tears before we went on stage for her dedication. My dad always asks the parents dedicating their child some questions. One of the questions he asks is "Do you recognize that this child is a gift from God, given to you by an act of God?" As he asked us this, we all started choking up. Just as with Cassidy's adoption, Aviannah feels like a gift straight from God's arms to ours. The way she came, the way He orchestrated every last detail...such a gift.
This week we celebrated Aviannah's birth. This week we will bury my Grandma. The circle of life. God is faithful.
Monday 30 June 2014
Saturday 28 June 2014
Consumed
John and I got to go out on a date last night for the first time since Aviannah joined our family. My sister came over to our house to babysit, and I have to admit, I was nervous about leaving Avi! She's still so little and fragile, and even though I completely trusted my sister with the girls, we almost took Avi with us. I'm sure glad we didn't! We had a wonderful time just the two of us. It's quite something, being able to have a conversation without any interruptions!
I've seen and heard of people who, once they have kids, become completely consumed with them. They pour every ounce of themselves into their children and then, once those children are grown, they fall apart. They literally don't know how to live without their kids beside them because they invested everything into them and nothing into themselves. I've also heard of couples who don't take time to invest in their marriage when their kids are young because they are too busy. I once heard someone say "Remember, you married your spouse, not your children." This comes back to my mind often and John and I are determined to make time for each other and continue to build into our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I plan to invest in my children's lives. Right now especially, they need me to supply all their needs, and supply I will. Being a mother is what God has called me to do right now, and I will do it to the best of my ability.
But I will not be consumed with my kids. I will only be consumed with Jesus.
My biggest goal as a mother is to point my kids to Christ. Actions speak louder then words, and I want my actions to scream that Jesus is my Lord, that I can do nothing out of my own strength and that I lean on His grace and mercy every day. Lately we've found many moments with Cassidy to point her to Christ. The other night she had already been asleep for an hour and she woke up crying. John went in and later told me she was scared, so they prayed together. The next morning at breakfast she says to me "Mommy, I was scared last night." I asked what she was scared of. She said "Daddy prayed with me, and Jesus helped me." Another moment happened when our power went out the other day. She was concerned and I took the opportunity to say "Cassidy, let's pray to God that the power will come back on soon." So we prayed and about a half hour later, it came back on. Cassidy's face lit up and we thanked Jesus for answering our prayer. We've also started memorizing a verse a month with her. She has such a good memory, it didn't take long for her to learn the first one. We randomly ask her throughout the day to recite her verse, and she rattles it off.
I know that once our girls are school age, they will be bombarded with all kinds of different influences, so I plan to speak Jesus into their little lives as often as I can, while I am one of the only influences in their life. I am hardly perfect. Lately I've been struggling with finding time to spend with God by myself. I feel like I fail Him every day. Yet, His mercies are new every morning and I cling to that promise. I also cling to the promise that if we "raise them up in the way they should go, they will not depart from it."
The best thing I can do for my kids is to be consumed with Jesus and no one else.
I've seen and heard of people who, once they have kids, become completely consumed with them. They pour every ounce of themselves into their children and then, once those children are grown, they fall apart. They literally don't know how to live without their kids beside them because they invested everything into them and nothing into themselves. I've also heard of couples who don't take time to invest in their marriage when their kids are young because they are too busy. I once heard someone say "Remember, you married your spouse, not your children." This comes back to my mind often and John and I are determined to make time for each other and continue to build into our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I plan to invest in my children's lives. Right now especially, they need me to supply all their needs, and supply I will. Being a mother is what God has called me to do right now, and I will do it to the best of my ability.
But I will not be consumed with my kids. I will only be consumed with Jesus.
My biggest goal as a mother is to point my kids to Christ. Actions speak louder then words, and I want my actions to scream that Jesus is my Lord, that I can do nothing out of my own strength and that I lean on His grace and mercy every day. Lately we've found many moments with Cassidy to point her to Christ. The other night she had already been asleep for an hour and she woke up crying. John went in and later told me she was scared, so they prayed together. The next morning at breakfast she says to me "Mommy, I was scared last night." I asked what she was scared of. She said "Daddy prayed with me, and Jesus helped me." Another moment happened when our power went out the other day. She was concerned and I took the opportunity to say "Cassidy, let's pray to God that the power will come back on soon." So we prayed and about a half hour later, it came back on. Cassidy's face lit up and we thanked Jesus for answering our prayer. We've also started memorizing a verse a month with her. She has such a good memory, it didn't take long for her to learn the first one. We randomly ask her throughout the day to recite her verse, and she rattles it off.
I know that once our girls are school age, they will be bombarded with all kinds of different influences, so I plan to speak Jesus into their little lives as often as I can, while I am one of the only influences in their life. I am hardly perfect. Lately I've been struggling with finding time to spend with God by myself. I feel like I fail Him every day. Yet, His mercies are new every morning and I cling to that promise. I also cling to the promise that if we "raise them up in the way they should go, they will not depart from it."
The best thing I can do for my kids is to be consumed with Jesus and no one else.
Sunday 22 June 2014
A New Name
Hello! It's been a while :)
Due to numerous requests, I have decided to keep blogging. I'm happy and humbled that so many of you enjoy reading my blog. I wondered how many people outside of my facebook friends have found this space, and I've learned that there is more then I thought. Pretty neat!
So...I need to change up the title. Obviously we are not on our journey to baby anymore. Baby is here! I'm really bad at thinking of creative titles, so please help me out! I've decided I'm going to use this space to share memories and stories about my girls, my marriage, to speak about what God's been doing in my life and to just write out my feelings and thoughts. That being said, what do you think I should call my blog?
We've been at home for a week now and it's been going great! The biggest thing I was dreading was my sleep filled nights being interrupted, but I haven't been as tired as I thought I'd be. I guess your body does just get used to a new normal. Right now, we're still trying to get Aviannah to grow as much as possible, since she's obviously behind, so we're letting her cluster feed if she wants and sleep as much as she wants. I don't have her on any kind of schedule and I'm ok with that. Even though she's technically 3 months old, her adjusted age is around 4-5 weeks. In some ways she acts very newborn. She is the size of one, she sleeps more then she's awake and she eats around the clock. And in some ways, I can see the older baby in her. She smiles ALOT (and not just little smiles, but big open mouth grins!), she coos and babbles, she can grasp toys and she seriously looked like she was going to roll over the other day! We see the doctor tomorrow, and I'm anxious to hear how she's doing. To us, it seems like she's doing fine, but I am really nervous that she's not gaining weight. I have noticed a few new rolls and her newborn clothes are getting a bit snug, so I'm sure she is, but you know. Just the normal new mom anxieties! We've had so many people that have got to meet her over the week and it's been great!
Many people have asked how Cassidy is adjusting and I'm happy to say she's doing fantastic! No signs of jealousy yet :) I'm trying to make sure I get in some time with just her and me, or don't forget about her in the midst of trying to meet the baby's needs. She's always been pretty independent and has never been very needy of me, so she handles this well. Although I think she's taking advantage of my distractedness and using it to get into more mischief then usual (and the usual is alot!) The other day she was eating breakfast while I was in the living room feeding Avi and she comes to show me that she decided to give herself a "bath" by dumping her water down her shirt. At least it was only water! She is very in love with her little sister. Her voice gets all high pitched when she talks to her and she loves to bring her toys and give her kisses. Watching them together is just as wonderful as I imagined it would be :)
My heart is so full. I often look at Aviannah and still can't believe that she's here with us. It seemed like the adoption process took so long, but now that she's here, it seems to have taken no time at all. We have our first post-placement visit this week. We need to have 6 of these over the next 6 months, and then the adoption can be finalized. Woohoo!
Thanks for reading!
Due to numerous requests, I have decided to keep blogging. I'm happy and humbled that so many of you enjoy reading my blog. I wondered how many people outside of my facebook friends have found this space, and I've learned that there is more then I thought. Pretty neat!
So...I need to change up the title. Obviously we are not on our journey to baby anymore. Baby is here! I'm really bad at thinking of creative titles, so please help me out! I've decided I'm going to use this space to share memories and stories about my girls, my marriage, to speak about what God's been doing in my life and to just write out my feelings and thoughts. That being said, what do you think I should call my blog?
We've been at home for a week now and it's been going great! The biggest thing I was dreading was my sleep filled nights being interrupted, but I haven't been as tired as I thought I'd be. I guess your body does just get used to a new normal. Right now, we're still trying to get Aviannah to grow as much as possible, since she's obviously behind, so we're letting her cluster feed if she wants and sleep as much as she wants. I don't have her on any kind of schedule and I'm ok with that. Even though she's technically 3 months old, her adjusted age is around 4-5 weeks. In some ways she acts very newborn. She is the size of one, she sleeps more then she's awake and she eats around the clock. And in some ways, I can see the older baby in her. She smiles ALOT (and not just little smiles, but big open mouth grins!), she coos and babbles, she can grasp toys and she seriously looked like she was going to roll over the other day! We see the doctor tomorrow, and I'm anxious to hear how she's doing. To us, it seems like she's doing fine, but I am really nervous that she's not gaining weight. I have noticed a few new rolls and her newborn clothes are getting a bit snug, so I'm sure she is, but you know. Just the normal new mom anxieties! We've had so many people that have got to meet her over the week and it's been great!
Many people have asked how Cassidy is adjusting and I'm happy to say she's doing fantastic! No signs of jealousy yet :) I'm trying to make sure I get in some time with just her and me, or don't forget about her in the midst of trying to meet the baby's needs. She's always been pretty independent and has never been very needy of me, so she handles this well. Although I think she's taking advantage of my distractedness and using it to get into more mischief then usual (and the usual is alot!) The other day she was eating breakfast while I was in the living room feeding Avi and she comes to show me that she decided to give herself a "bath" by dumping her water down her shirt. At least it was only water! She is very in love with her little sister. Her voice gets all high pitched when she talks to her and she loves to bring her toys and give her kisses. Watching them together is just as wonderful as I imagined it would be :)
My heart is so full. I often look at Aviannah and still can't believe that she's here with us. It seemed like the adoption process took so long, but now that she's here, it seems to have taken no time at all. We have our first post-placement visit this week. We need to have 6 of these over the next 6 months, and then the adoption can be finalized. Woohoo!
Thanks for reading!
Saturday 14 June 2014
Our Journey to Baby- Complete.
I started this blog to keep people informed about our journey to bring our second baby home through the wonderful world of adoption. I still can't believe that this journey has ended, only to make way for a brand new journey to begin.
John and I were reflecting back on Aviannah's adoption and we both feel completely overwhelmed and utterly undeserving. From start to finish, our adoption experience has been nothing but positive. The support we've received has been incredible, from our close friends and family to complete strangers. This adoption cost us around $35,000 and we were able to pay for it IN FULL! Most of the money came out of our pockets, but the rest was due to the generosity of others. We just got home today and we came home to a full fridge, offers to bring meals to us, gift cards and more. Our agency has been so supportive and helpful, the people at the Ronald McDonald House definitely went above and beyond to make us feel at home. I could go on and on. Time wise, this adoption went fast as far as adoptions go. It felt like we were waiting a long time, but we started the process last July, which makes it almost a year from start to finish (technically it's still another 6 months before the adoption is finalized, but she's with us, so I count that as a finish!)
Of course, nothing in the above paragraph has anything to do with us. I give full credit to our great and wonderful God. We have felt His guiding hand from the beginning and I truly believe that He carefully orchestrated every bit of this process. I want to be careful and make sure that we don't get any of the glory in this. It all goes to Him. I want everything in my life- all that I am, all that I do- to bring Him glory. I want to tell this story in hopes that it will point people to the cross. Without God, I am nothing. I am useless, hopeless and lost. But thanks to His son Jesus Christ, I am being renewed day by day. I hope to use this story to point my daughters to Him and say "Look at how faithful He is to us. Look at how good He is." God is good, so very very good.
Aviannah is such a perfect fit to our family, never mind that she looks like her daddy! God planned her for us from before she was even a thought in our minds. I don't know if our family is complete, but my heart is so full right now. Yesterday as we were driving we saw the most incredible rainbow I have every seen. At first we just saw the beginning and end of it, but all of a sudden we could see the whole thing. I could see all 7 colors and it was the brightest I'd ever seen a rainbow. It felt like God was saying to me "Look at all I have done for you. Look how I've kept my promise."
I don't know if I'm going to continue blogging. I really want to! Maybe I'll make it a blog about the funny things my kids do. Cassidy says so many funny things on a regular basis, so this might be a good place to document them all! In the meantime, thanks for reading, thanks for praying, thanks for giving and thanks for loving us. You all played a part in bringing Aviannah home and the legacy you've left for her is one I will always cherish, and I know she will too.
John and I were reflecting back on Aviannah's adoption and we both feel completely overwhelmed and utterly undeserving. From start to finish, our adoption experience has been nothing but positive. The support we've received has been incredible, from our close friends and family to complete strangers. This adoption cost us around $35,000 and we were able to pay for it IN FULL! Most of the money came out of our pockets, but the rest was due to the generosity of others. We just got home today and we came home to a full fridge, offers to bring meals to us, gift cards and more. Our agency has been so supportive and helpful, the people at the Ronald McDonald House definitely went above and beyond to make us feel at home. I could go on and on. Time wise, this adoption went fast as far as adoptions go. It felt like we were waiting a long time, but we started the process last July, which makes it almost a year from start to finish (technically it's still another 6 months before the adoption is finalized, but she's with us, so I count that as a finish!)
Of course, nothing in the above paragraph has anything to do with us. I give full credit to our great and wonderful God. We have felt His guiding hand from the beginning and I truly believe that He carefully orchestrated every bit of this process. I want to be careful and make sure that we don't get any of the glory in this. It all goes to Him. I want everything in my life- all that I am, all that I do- to bring Him glory. I want to tell this story in hopes that it will point people to the cross. Without God, I am nothing. I am useless, hopeless and lost. But thanks to His son Jesus Christ, I am being renewed day by day. I hope to use this story to point my daughters to Him and say "Look at how faithful He is to us. Look at how good He is." God is good, so very very good.
Aviannah is such a perfect fit to our family, never mind that she looks like her daddy! God planned her for us from before she was even a thought in our minds. I don't know if our family is complete, but my heart is so full right now. Yesterday as we were driving we saw the most incredible rainbow I have every seen. At first we just saw the beginning and end of it, but all of a sudden we could see the whole thing. I could see all 7 colors and it was the brightest I'd ever seen a rainbow. It felt like God was saying to me "Look at all I have done for you. Look how I've kept my promise."
I don't know if I'm going to continue blogging. I really want to! Maybe I'll make it a blog about the funny things my kids do. Cassidy says so many funny things on a regular basis, so this might be a good place to document them all! In the meantime, thanks for reading, thanks for praying, thanks for giving and thanks for loving us. You all played a part in bringing Aviannah home and the legacy you've left for her is one I will always cherish, and I know she will too.
Thursday 5 June 2014
New Normal
There's a really cute baby sound asleep on my chest as I type this. It still hasn't sunk it that she's mine.
Yesteday we (finally!) brought Aviannah "home" from the hospital! We spent the morning and most of the afternoon going over discharge papers and getting her unhooked and ready to go. The nurses hugged me. I cried. They cried. We gave them a card and a promise to send pictures. They have truly been her first family and I am so thankful for the way they went above and beyond the call of duty as they loved her as one of their own. It was so funny to watch Avi's face as we walked down the halls of the hospital. She looked around with her huge, wide eyes, seeing for the first time a whole other world apart from the one she'd known. As soon as we started driving she fell asleep and didn't make a peep until we turned into the RMH. I hope this means she'll be a good traveler for us on the way back to Canada!
It feels so great to settle in with her here, although now I am feeling super homesick! Our room just isn't big enough for 2 adults, a toddler and a baby. It is crammed full and I'm going a bit stir crazy. Thankfully we have other places in the house to hang out, but the kitchen is under construction right now so it's a bit of a challenge getting her formula from the fridge when we need it, especially in the middle of the night. I just want to get back to my own space in my own house. In an hour and a half we have a follow up appointment with a pediatrician here, and then all we need are the travel papers and we are good to go!!! Our agency said those should come sometime next week. Can. Not. Wait.
In the meantime, we're enjoying getting to know Avi on a deeper level and I think she's enjoying getting to know us too :) Cass is doing great as a big sister so far. I'm trying to give her lots of opportunities to help and make sure I pay extra attention to her needs. I was holding the baby today and she asked me to pick her up, so I handed Avi off to her Dad and scooped Cassidy up for a snuggle. She feels SO big compared to Avi! But it's not often that she asks me to carry her, so I think she's feeling a little jealous of having to share my affection. But I'm so proud of how well she's doing so far! I think the real test will come when we get home, though!
All the staff here at the house have been oohing and aahing over Aviannah. The one comment we've heard from all of them is how much Cassidy looks like me and how much Avi looks like John. I see it too and it just confirms to me how these two girls are a gift from God and obviously meant to be!
Yesteday we (finally!) brought Aviannah "home" from the hospital! We spent the morning and most of the afternoon going over discharge papers and getting her unhooked and ready to go. The nurses hugged me. I cried. They cried. We gave them a card and a promise to send pictures. They have truly been her first family and I am so thankful for the way they went above and beyond the call of duty as they loved her as one of their own. It was so funny to watch Avi's face as we walked down the halls of the hospital. She looked around with her huge, wide eyes, seeing for the first time a whole other world apart from the one she'd known. As soon as we started driving she fell asleep and didn't make a peep until we turned into the RMH. I hope this means she'll be a good traveler for us on the way back to Canada!
It feels so great to settle in with her here, although now I am feeling super homesick! Our room just isn't big enough for 2 adults, a toddler and a baby. It is crammed full and I'm going a bit stir crazy. Thankfully we have other places in the house to hang out, but the kitchen is under construction right now so it's a bit of a challenge getting her formula from the fridge when we need it, especially in the middle of the night. I just want to get back to my own space in my own house. In an hour and a half we have a follow up appointment with a pediatrician here, and then all we need are the travel papers and we are good to go!!! Our agency said those should come sometime next week. Can. Not. Wait.
In the meantime, we're enjoying getting to know Avi on a deeper level and I think she's enjoying getting to know us too :) Cass is doing great as a big sister so far. I'm trying to give her lots of opportunities to help and make sure I pay extra attention to her needs. I was holding the baby today and she asked me to pick her up, so I handed Avi off to her Dad and scooped Cassidy up for a snuggle. She feels SO big compared to Avi! But it's not often that she asks me to carry her, so I think she's feeling a little jealous of having to share my affection. But I'm so proud of how well she's doing so far! I think the real test will come when we get home, though!
All the staff here at the house have been oohing and aahing over Aviannah. The one comment we've heard from all of them is how much Cassidy looks like me and how much Avi looks like John. I see it too and it just confirms to me how these two girls are a gift from God and obviously meant to be!
Monday 2 June 2014
Prayer Requests
I know that so many of you are praying for us. Thank you. I assure you, they are being heard and answered! I have a few specific prayer requests for our little one. As I've mentioned, the plan is for her to be discharged on Wednesday! That's in 2 days! I am dying with anticipation. All the babies that were in the NICU when we arrived 2 weeks ago have all gone home. New ones have come in and gone home. It's our turn!
But...there are some things that need to happen before she's set loose:
1. Eye Exam- on Tuesday morning she'll be given another eye exam. I had the unfortunate experience of witnessing one of these 2 weeks ago. Thankfully, we have an app't with our agency Tuesday morning so I get to miss this one. The eye exam is quite stressful on the poor babies and they want to make sure that Avi is stable enough off the oxygen and won't go into distress during or after the exam. Please pray that her little lungs would be strong enough to handle the stress of this exam.
2. Car Seat Test: A few of you have asked about this. All preemie babies have to pass the car-seat test before getting out. What this means is they have to sit buckled into their seats for 90 minutes and be able to remain stable. If they show signs of distress, they fail the test and they have to take it again later. Avi's car-seat test will be happening Tuesday evening. She will have had time to recover from her eye exam and hopefully be good to go! Please pray that she passes this test first try!
So if the eye exam and car-seat test go well, she's outta there! She also had some bloodwork done the other day to test for a bunch of things related to her partial missing membrane. Please pray that these come back normal. The doctor thinks her case is very mild, but he needed to test just to make sure. Also, we are still waiting on our travel papers. Pray that these come quickly!
It is so humbling to know that so many of you are praying for us. Thank you doesn't do justice to how grateful we feel. I am always willing to reciprocate, so if you need prayers, just ask! I love the body of Christ!
But...there are some things that need to happen before she's set loose:
1. Eye Exam- on Tuesday morning she'll be given another eye exam. I had the unfortunate experience of witnessing one of these 2 weeks ago. Thankfully, we have an app't with our agency Tuesday morning so I get to miss this one. The eye exam is quite stressful on the poor babies and they want to make sure that Avi is stable enough off the oxygen and won't go into distress during or after the exam. Please pray that her little lungs would be strong enough to handle the stress of this exam.
2. Car Seat Test: A few of you have asked about this. All preemie babies have to pass the car-seat test before getting out. What this means is they have to sit buckled into their seats for 90 minutes and be able to remain stable. If they show signs of distress, they fail the test and they have to take it again later. Avi's car-seat test will be happening Tuesday evening. She will have had time to recover from her eye exam and hopefully be good to go! Please pray that she passes this test first try!
So if the eye exam and car-seat test go well, she's outta there! She also had some bloodwork done the other day to test for a bunch of things related to her partial missing membrane. Please pray that these come back normal. The doctor thinks her case is very mild, but he needed to test just to make sure. Also, we are still waiting on our travel papers. Pray that these come quickly!
It is so humbling to know that so many of you are praying for us. Thank you doesn't do justice to how grateful we feel. I am always willing to reciprocate, so if you need prayers, just ask! I love the body of Christ!
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