December 26 arrived! We had finished out Christmas Day with John's family and woke up excited and ready to go get our girl! We had invited his family over again that evening so Cassidy could meet her other aunt and uncle and her cousins! My dad was planning to meet us over at David and Judy's to help take apart the crib. They were letting us take all the big furniture they had (crib, playpen, exersaucer) plus all her clothes and toys which was a big help! Here's another memory that is burned into my brain- as we drove up to their apartment we saw birth mom holding Cassidy at the door waiting for us. Cassidy was still in her pj's and they both waved at us. The look on birth mom's face got my tears started. She looked like she was in absolute agony. We helped her get Cassidy dressed while Dad helped David take the crib gone. Judy was out, she didn't think she could handle being there during that time. Everything was finally ready to go and it was time to say goodbye. I remember feeling so awkward and not sure how to properly handle the situation. How do you even begin to express your gratitude when someone is handing over their baby to you, no longer theirs but yours? I was at a loss. We hugged, cried and left. I remember John saying to me on the ride home that the best way we can show our thanks is by taking good care of Cassidy for her. I do that to the best of my ability every day. It's the very least I can do.
The drive home was amazing! I kept looking back and seeing a little brown head poking over the carseat. It didn't feel real that she was coming home for good! It was naptime when we got home and we all had a nice long nap. The rest of the day went great, we went for a walk and finished setting up her nursery. Family came over in the evening and all had a great time meeting Cassidy! The weeks to follow were full of introducing her to more family, our church family and friends! Her adoption didn't get completed until March 2013, a few weeks before she turned 2 due to some bumps in the road, but by God's grace she became legally ours forever! She just got home from preschool as I was in the middle of writing this and she gave me a hug and said "You're the best Mommy in the whole world!" I still feel like I don't deserve her. Every day with her is a gift and they are definitely not all easy, but I wouldn't trade any of them!
Apart from the obvious blessing- her!- Cassidy's adoption has brought about some other wonderful blessings. We have built a wonderful relationship with both sets of her birth grandparents. We love them like family, and they've both willingly and joyfully adopted Avi as their granddaughter alongside Cassidy. They have become so very dear to me and I can't imagine our lives without them in it. Sometimes I go through times where I struggle to trust in God's perfect plan, but I don't have to look any further then Cassidy and Avi's stories to remind myself how incredibly faithful and good He is! I have every reason to trust He knows what He is doing.
Monday 30 November 2015
Our Journey to Cassidy (Part 2)
I am horrible at keeping secrets, especially big, juicy, exciting secrets! I knew that we really shouldn't be mentioning this meeting with anyone, because she hadn't officially chose us and nothing was certain. Yet, I wanted people praying and I needed to tell SOMEBODY! I called my parents and siblings, and we told John's parents what was going on. My best friend, who lived not near me at that time, was on Facebook chat that night and I told her what was going on because she's my favorite person to freak out to! We talked for a long time and I unloaded all my feeling, good and bad. I don't think I slept much that night.
That next week seemed to take forever. I mentioned to a couple of my co-workers about our meeting (remember, bad secret keeper!) Everyone was so excited and I wasn't sure how to feel. I was trying not to get my hopes up just in case this all didn't work out, but I was terrified at how hard I had already fallen for baby Cassidy, or at least the idea of her. Oh, did I forget to mention? Her name is Cassidy. I know, I know, I totally just gave away the ending but you all know how it ended anyway! So yeah, the week dragged by but during that time we made arrangements to met with the birth mom, both sets of grandparents and of course, baby Cassidy! We planned to meet at Thomas Cook in Saskatoon on Saturday, Nov. 26 (I can't remember the exact time).
Saturday arrived and I was a wreck. We pulled up to the restaurant at the same time as James and Sylvia (John's parents friends and Cassidy's grandparents). John knew them but I didn't so we did introductions and went inside and got a table. We found out that birth mom was having car troubles in Regina and wasn't going to be able to make it to the meeting, but had given David and Judy (other grandparents) a list of questions to ask us. We were the first ones there so we made small talk while we waited for the others to arrive. Then, there she was. I can still picture this next moment down to the smallest detail. David and Judy walked in with Cassidy. She was all bundled up (it was winter!) with a white toque on her head. Now, we had no idea what she looked like. We were never told any of her physical features or given a picture. I have always wanted a baby with a head full of dark hair. Her toque was covering her head but the first thing I noticed about her was her piercing blue eyes. They were absolutely stunning! I couldn't even believe how beautiful she was. I stared as Judy got a high chair for her and sat her down, then pulled the toque off her head. I think I may have gasped out loud, for she had a head FULL of dark hair! I could not take my eyes off her. We did another round of introductions and started the interrogation. Yes, it very much felt like an interrogation, although everyone was extremely nice. I remember answering their questions as best I could, but I couldn't stop staring at Cassidy and I just wanted to hold her so bad! Finally, they asked if I wanted to hold her and both John and I got a chance to snuggle her. She didn't make strange with us at all and we snapped some pictures of her with us. They all really seemed to like us and were excited at the prospect of us becoming Cassidy's parents. I can't remember how long we stayed for, but eventually we said goodbye. We drove to my parents house because I was dying to show them pictures!
That night we got home and found that birth mom had written us a long email with a bunch more questions. We answered all of them right away and sent her a reply. She added me on Facebook and we ended up chatting a bit then she asked if she could call us. I said sure, she called right away and not too long into the conversation she told us she'd like us to be Cassidy's parents. I think I was in a state of shock. The whole day was so overwhelming and emotional and I was not expecting her to make a decision so fast. But...we said yes!! None of us knew what the next step should be, so I told her I'd call social services in the morning and find out. Again, no sleep that night!
I'm going to skim a bit over this next part. Basically, we learned that the birth mom had to be the one to take the first step in contacting social services to start the adoption process. I relayed this information to her and we didn't hear anything for 4 days. Again, I was a wreck. We had already started gathering baby items and telling people, and for the first time I thought it was over. She wasn't going to be ours after all. I remember reciting Philipains 4: 4-8 over and over again. I clung to those verses and tried to stay positive. Finally we heard from birth mom. She had contacted social services and the process had begun! The month of December was absolute madness. Christmas was the farthest thing from my mind. We started doing small visits with Cassidy to help ease her into the transition from one home to another. We met with David and Judy at Wendy's (and also met birth mom for the first time there as well). We asked if they wouldn't mind bringing her over to my parents so they could meet her. They agreed and we got to introduce Cassidy to my parents. I remember my mom took her right away and went to show her the Christmas tree and I could barely see through the tears welling up in my eyes. I had waited for this moment for so long. We started talking about the actual day she would come home with us. The adoption would be completed after this fact, so it was really up to birth mom as to when we would get her. At first she told us before Christmas, then she decided that she wanted one last Christmas with her so she said after New Year's sometime. I felt a little like I was being jerked back and forth and just wanted to settle on a date.
In the midst of this, we again set up another meeting with Cassidy. This time John and I went to pick her up and take her back to our place for the afternoon. This was so surreal! We got home and played with her a bit, John's parents came over to meet her, then we tried to put her down for a nap. This was a big fat failure. She got really worked up and would not go to sleep. She looked absolutely terrified and I felt sick to my stomach. What were we doing? How could we take this little girl away from everything she ever knew? Maybe this was a mistake. I knew we weren't taking her, she was being given to us, but it felt like we were in that moment. We finally decided to go for a drive and that put her right to sleep. We brought her back after driving around for a while and went home exhausted. Our first parenting experience was not as blissful as we had hoped!
December 26 was picked as the day Cassidy would come home with us for good. Her birth family was super generous and let us have her for Christmas morning as well. We took her to my parents and my sibling and my grandparents got to meet her for the first time. That was such a special day! She did amazing and charmed everybody. She helped us open presents, stayed for lunch then we brought her back for naptime. I remember driving away after we dropped her off thinking of tomorrow, when we'd be driving away with her and never be bringing her back! One more day...
To be continued (sorry, it's a long story!)
That next week seemed to take forever. I mentioned to a couple of my co-workers about our meeting (remember, bad secret keeper!) Everyone was so excited and I wasn't sure how to feel. I was trying not to get my hopes up just in case this all didn't work out, but I was terrified at how hard I had already fallen for baby Cassidy, or at least the idea of her. Oh, did I forget to mention? Her name is Cassidy. I know, I know, I totally just gave away the ending but you all know how it ended anyway! So yeah, the week dragged by but during that time we made arrangements to met with the birth mom, both sets of grandparents and of course, baby Cassidy! We planned to meet at Thomas Cook in Saskatoon on Saturday, Nov. 26 (I can't remember the exact time).
Saturday arrived and I was a wreck. We pulled up to the restaurant at the same time as James and Sylvia (John's parents friends and Cassidy's grandparents). John knew them but I didn't so we did introductions and went inside and got a table. We found out that birth mom was having car troubles in Regina and wasn't going to be able to make it to the meeting, but had given David and Judy (other grandparents) a list of questions to ask us. We were the first ones there so we made small talk while we waited for the others to arrive. Then, there she was. I can still picture this next moment down to the smallest detail. David and Judy walked in with Cassidy. She was all bundled up (it was winter!) with a white toque on her head. Now, we had no idea what she looked like. We were never told any of her physical features or given a picture. I have always wanted a baby with a head full of dark hair. Her toque was covering her head but the first thing I noticed about her was her piercing blue eyes. They were absolutely stunning! I couldn't even believe how beautiful she was. I stared as Judy got a high chair for her and sat her down, then pulled the toque off her head. I think I may have gasped out loud, for she had a head FULL of dark hair! I could not take my eyes off her. We did another round of introductions and started the interrogation. Yes, it very much felt like an interrogation, although everyone was extremely nice. I remember answering their questions as best I could, but I couldn't stop staring at Cassidy and I just wanted to hold her so bad! Finally, they asked if I wanted to hold her and both John and I got a chance to snuggle her. She didn't make strange with us at all and we snapped some pictures of her with us. They all really seemed to like us and were excited at the prospect of us becoming Cassidy's parents. I can't remember how long we stayed for, but eventually we said goodbye. We drove to my parents house because I was dying to show them pictures!
That night we got home and found that birth mom had written us a long email with a bunch more questions. We answered all of them right away and sent her a reply. She added me on Facebook and we ended up chatting a bit then she asked if she could call us. I said sure, she called right away and not too long into the conversation she told us she'd like us to be Cassidy's parents. I think I was in a state of shock. The whole day was so overwhelming and emotional and I was not expecting her to make a decision so fast. But...we said yes!! None of us knew what the next step should be, so I told her I'd call social services in the morning and find out. Again, no sleep that night!
I'm going to skim a bit over this next part. Basically, we learned that the birth mom had to be the one to take the first step in contacting social services to start the adoption process. I relayed this information to her and we didn't hear anything for 4 days. Again, I was a wreck. We had already started gathering baby items and telling people, and for the first time I thought it was over. She wasn't going to be ours after all. I remember reciting Philipains 4: 4-8 over and over again. I clung to those verses and tried to stay positive. Finally we heard from birth mom. She had contacted social services and the process had begun! The month of December was absolute madness. Christmas was the farthest thing from my mind. We started doing small visits with Cassidy to help ease her into the transition from one home to another. We met with David and Judy at Wendy's (and also met birth mom for the first time there as well). We asked if they wouldn't mind bringing her over to my parents so they could meet her. They agreed and we got to introduce Cassidy to my parents. I remember my mom took her right away and went to show her the Christmas tree and I could barely see through the tears welling up in my eyes. I had waited for this moment for so long. We started talking about the actual day she would come home with us. The adoption would be completed after this fact, so it was really up to birth mom as to when we would get her. At first she told us before Christmas, then she decided that she wanted one last Christmas with her so she said after New Year's sometime. I felt a little like I was being jerked back and forth and just wanted to settle on a date.
In the midst of this, we again set up another meeting with Cassidy. This time John and I went to pick her up and take her back to our place for the afternoon. This was so surreal! We got home and played with her a bit, John's parents came over to meet her, then we tried to put her down for a nap. This was a big fat failure. She got really worked up and would not go to sleep. She looked absolutely terrified and I felt sick to my stomach. What were we doing? How could we take this little girl away from everything she ever knew? Maybe this was a mistake. I knew we weren't taking her, she was being given to us, but it felt like we were in that moment. We finally decided to go for a drive and that put her right to sleep. We brought her back after driving around for a while and went home exhausted. Our first parenting experience was not as blissful as we had hoped!
December 26 was picked as the day Cassidy would come home with us for good. Her birth family was super generous and let us have her for Christmas morning as well. We took her to my parents and my sibling and my grandparents got to meet her for the first time. That was such a special day! She did amazing and charmed everybody. She helped us open presents, stayed for lunch then we brought her back for naptime. I remember driving away after we dropped her off thinking of tomorrow, when we'd be driving away with her and never be bringing her back! One more day...
To be continued (sorry, it's a long story!)
Our Journey to Cassidy (Part 1)
I always get really nostalgic this time of year, and it's not for the reason you think. From the end of November to the end of December in the year 2011 was the whirlwind month where we went from finding out we were going to become parents to actually becoming parents! As I was reminiscing about that time, I realized I have never shared Cassidy's adoption story on this blog. I started this blog to chronicle our 2nd adoption journey, and I have briefly touched on aspects of our 1st adoption, but never in detail. I did write a note summarizing the story on Facebook as it was unfolding, but there's so much more I could say now. I figured maybe you'll enjoy the read, but at the very least I will have it written down for one day when the details aren't so clear in my brain (I still feel like it was yesterday. Maybe I'll always feel that way.) I love Cassidy's story. It's so different in every way from Aviannah's, and yet it's so obvious in both their stories how God orchestrated every single step. I'll never get over it.
So...I guess her story goes back to our wedding day, November 13, 2010. We both had previously discussed that we wanted to get started on the adoption process as soon as we were married. We had no idea where, what, when, how to even begin but the one thing we fully expected was that it was going to take a LONG time. We waited until the honeymoon and the business of the Christmas season was over, then in January we started researching. I immediately became utterly overwhelmed as I looked into different countries, prices, agencies, etc. At this point I didn't have a network of other adoptive parents to tap into for advice so I felt completely on my own and lost. We made an appointment at the Adoption Support Centre of Saskatchewan (in Saskatoon). This appointment was the a huge help for us. She explained about private, domestic and international adoption and gave us many different options and encouragement! I specifically remember her talking about private adoption, and that sometimes an adoption happens by way of word of mouth. A pregnant woman may hear about a couple looking through adopt, and is able to, with the help of lawyers and social services, give her baby to them without the baby having to go in the system. She told us not to get our hopes up, that that scenario is extremely rare and almost never happens. (cue foreshadowing!)
So we left that meeting and immediately applied with the Ministry of Social Services to be put on the list to adopt domestically through the gov't of Saskatchewan. We requested 1 and under and were told that this could take 10+ years or might never happen because most people request that age bracket. (We are still on the list, and nope, haven't heard a thing in almost 5 years). But we applied anyway, trusting that if this was the means to our child, God would make that happen. In February we got an email saying we were officially on the list. Easy peasy! I have to also interject here that we had a rough first year of marriage, and that's putting it lightly. Bringing children into our at that time very fragile marriage was the last thing either of us wanted, but we still wanted to be proactive in the hopes that things would get better with our marriage (which they very much did!)
In March of 2011, something interesting came up. John's parents went out with a couple that they used to attend church with. They hadn't really seen much of each other and were getting together to catch up. (I hope that's correct, that's how I remember it but correct me if I'm wrong, because I know you both are reading this!) John and I came up in conversation and they mentioned how we were newly married, and also how we planned to adopt. This couple then told John's parents that their daughter was pregnant and was looking to give up her baby for adoption. They asked if they could give her our names. John's mom called me that night and after talking about it, we agreed. I was excited, John was not. He was not ready and in hindsight, neither was I but who was I to say no to a baby? I felt that this was something we could not pass up. We both assumed she was newly pregnant and we'd have some time to prepare if she chose us. Well, we were wrong! She was due that month. We didn't hear a thing about it again until after the baby was born and we learned that it was a girl and that her birth mother decided to keep her after all. Honestly, we were both relieved. We were not ready and this was best. I do remember still feeling a twinge of disappointment and I recall very vividly driving to work the next day after hearing the news and praying that this baby girl would be loved, no matter what. That whoever she ended up with would provide her with all the love and care she deserved. I didn't even know her name.
Life went on. Our marriage slowly started improving. We enjoyed a lovely summer together in which we sold our trailer in Osler and bought a house in Warman. We loved our new-to-us home with 4 bedrooms and a park right outside our back fence. Perfect for starting a family! In August we again heard some news regarding Baby Girl (you know, the one mentioned above?) Apparently her birth mother had decided to move to Regina and had left the baby, now 5 months old, with her grandparents in Saskatoon (different set of grandparents then the friends of John's parents). These grandparents had actually been pretty much raising the baby at that point anyway. We learned that the other set of grandparents (John's parents friends) were pushing their daughter to give her baby up for adoption, as it seemed she wasn't ready to parent her child at that point. Again, our names were brought up to her. At this point, I felt much better about it. We had a much more child friendly home and were a bit more stable then 5 months ago. John still wasn't ready and I knew we both had to be on the same page. By God's grace, again nothing came of that initial conversation. We moved on. Again.
November came and we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary! One week later exactly, on November 20, John's mom phoned us. She said that Sylvia (her friend and baby's grandmother) was wanting to speak with us. I said that was fine, and later that evening Sylvia phoned. Unlike the other phone calls, this one changed our life. She told us that their daughter had finally made a decision and was ready to give her baby girl up for adoption. She was still living in Regina, and baby girl was still in Saskatoon and she wanted to meet with us the following weekend. John and I said that yes, we would meet with her. We hung up the phone and I remember my very first thought being "What is he thinking?" I looked at him and saw something different in his eyes then the two previous times this baby girl had been mentioned to us. Was it...excitement? Hope? Was I just seeing what I wanted to see? I asked him what he thought. "Yes," he said. I started shaking and we both dropped to our knees and prayed right there. He told me after we finished praying that he had asked God at one point for a year of marriage before any children came along. Remember the date I mentioned earlier? This phone call came one week after our first anniversary. I don't believe in coincidences.
Part 2 coming soon...
So...I guess her story goes back to our wedding day, November 13, 2010. We both had previously discussed that we wanted to get started on the adoption process as soon as we were married. We had no idea where, what, when, how to even begin but the one thing we fully expected was that it was going to take a LONG time. We waited until the honeymoon and the business of the Christmas season was over, then in January we started researching. I immediately became utterly overwhelmed as I looked into different countries, prices, agencies, etc. At this point I didn't have a network of other adoptive parents to tap into for advice so I felt completely on my own and lost. We made an appointment at the Adoption Support Centre of Saskatchewan (in Saskatoon). This appointment was the a huge help for us. She explained about private, domestic and international adoption and gave us many different options and encouragement! I specifically remember her talking about private adoption, and that sometimes an adoption happens by way of word of mouth. A pregnant woman may hear about a couple looking through adopt, and is able to, with the help of lawyers and social services, give her baby to them without the baby having to go in the system. She told us not to get our hopes up, that that scenario is extremely rare and almost never happens. (cue foreshadowing!)
So we left that meeting and immediately applied with the Ministry of Social Services to be put on the list to adopt domestically through the gov't of Saskatchewan. We requested 1 and under and were told that this could take 10+ years or might never happen because most people request that age bracket. (We are still on the list, and nope, haven't heard a thing in almost 5 years). But we applied anyway, trusting that if this was the means to our child, God would make that happen. In February we got an email saying we were officially on the list. Easy peasy! I have to also interject here that we had a rough first year of marriage, and that's putting it lightly. Bringing children into our at that time very fragile marriage was the last thing either of us wanted, but we still wanted to be proactive in the hopes that things would get better with our marriage (which they very much did!)
In March of 2011, something interesting came up. John's parents went out with a couple that they used to attend church with. They hadn't really seen much of each other and were getting together to catch up. (I hope that's correct, that's how I remember it but correct me if I'm wrong, because I know you both are reading this!) John and I came up in conversation and they mentioned how we were newly married, and also how we planned to adopt. This couple then told John's parents that their daughter was pregnant and was looking to give up her baby for adoption. They asked if they could give her our names. John's mom called me that night and after talking about it, we agreed. I was excited, John was not. He was not ready and in hindsight, neither was I but who was I to say no to a baby? I felt that this was something we could not pass up. We both assumed she was newly pregnant and we'd have some time to prepare if she chose us. Well, we were wrong! She was due that month. We didn't hear a thing about it again until after the baby was born and we learned that it was a girl and that her birth mother decided to keep her after all. Honestly, we were both relieved. We were not ready and this was best. I do remember still feeling a twinge of disappointment and I recall very vividly driving to work the next day after hearing the news and praying that this baby girl would be loved, no matter what. That whoever she ended up with would provide her with all the love and care she deserved. I didn't even know her name.
Life went on. Our marriage slowly started improving. We enjoyed a lovely summer together in which we sold our trailer in Osler and bought a house in Warman. We loved our new-to-us home with 4 bedrooms and a park right outside our back fence. Perfect for starting a family! In August we again heard some news regarding Baby Girl (you know, the one mentioned above?) Apparently her birth mother had decided to move to Regina and had left the baby, now 5 months old, with her grandparents in Saskatoon (different set of grandparents then the friends of John's parents). These grandparents had actually been pretty much raising the baby at that point anyway. We learned that the other set of grandparents (John's parents friends) were pushing their daughter to give her baby up for adoption, as it seemed she wasn't ready to parent her child at that point. Again, our names were brought up to her. At this point, I felt much better about it. We had a much more child friendly home and were a bit more stable then 5 months ago. John still wasn't ready and I knew we both had to be on the same page. By God's grace, again nothing came of that initial conversation. We moved on. Again.
November came and we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary! One week later exactly, on November 20, John's mom phoned us. She said that Sylvia (her friend and baby's grandmother) was wanting to speak with us. I said that was fine, and later that evening Sylvia phoned. Unlike the other phone calls, this one changed our life. She told us that their daughter had finally made a decision and was ready to give her baby girl up for adoption. She was still living in Regina, and baby girl was still in Saskatoon and she wanted to meet with us the following weekend. John and I said that yes, we would meet with her. We hung up the phone and I remember my very first thought being "What is he thinking?" I looked at him and saw something different in his eyes then the two previous times this baby girl had been mentioned to us. Was it...excitement? Hope? Was I just seeing what I wanted to see? I asked him what he thought. "Yes," he said. I started shaking and we both dropped to our knees and prayed right there. He told me after we finished praying that he had asked God at one point for a year of marriage before any children came along. Remember the date I mentioned earlier? This phone call came one week after our first anniversary. I don't believe in coincidences.
Part 2 coming soon...
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