2015 in Review

Here we are again, coming to the end of another year. We are excitedly counting down to Christmas and looking forward to everything the holidays bring. Here's a quick overview of 2015 in the Letkeman household!

John: This handsome guy rang in the New Year by turning a couple years older then 30...He is one of those weird people that gets excited about getting older and is thrilled to have gained a few grey hairs over the past year (those may or may not be my fault). He is still working at Woodstyles (he makes railings) he's been there for over 10 years and he loves it. He has the best boss EVER and John gets to work all by himself in the shop which couldn't be more perfect for him. Every now and then he gets to go help install on the job site, which he doesn't mind either. He plays bass guitar on both the church worship teams so is away at practice almost every Tuesday evening. He decided to take a break from teaching Sunday School in September of this year. He had been teaching the youth class for many years previous. The church hired a new intern youth pastor who stepped into this role nicely and John has enjoyed the break. He is still the most phenomenal daddy! I often joke that he's a better parent then I am, except I'm not joking. Funny, I dreamed my whole life of being a mom and before the girls, he really couldn't care less if we had kids or not, yet he's definitely got some serious parenting skills that I lack. We balance each other out, it's all good. But if you ever need your baby swaddled, call him. He's the swaddle master and our girls are both too old for that now so I'm sure he'd be happy to lend his talents out! I just fall more and more in love with him all the time, and I know that sounds mushy and cliche but it's so very true. He's always willing to step up and help out with anything I need, or watch the kids so I can have a break. He challenges me in my walk with God and pushes me out of my comfort zone. Love you babe, here's to another great year!

Mandi: (aka me!) January found me still teaching piano and babysitting Levi three days a week. The kids and I pretty much hibernated until winter was over, it was difficult to get out with a baby, a 1 year old and a 3 year old! The girls had their birthdays in March and I planned a joint party with both our families with a PINK theme. I started working out again (I had been on good routine in 2014 until we went to Vegas, then it all came to a stop) and I've been keeping at it since April. I feel so much better when I get 30 minutes of exercise a day in. My sister and I and a group of friends signed up for Foam Fest which we did in July. It's a 5K filled with obstacles involving lots of foam, mud and giant inflatable slides. It was so so so fun and we are already planning to do it this next year. Also in July, my very best friend in the whole wide world got married and I got to be a bridesmaid. The wedding was in Winnipeg and I made two weekend trips out in a row, one for the bachelorette the week before and then for the wedding the next week. My sister came with me for the first weekend, then the whole family traveled out for the wedding. I loved the whole weekend, but my very favorite part was the night before, when just us girls were hanging out at her place after the rehearsal. We live so far apart from each other and we text alot, but hardly ever get to see each other in person for an extended period of time so I so enjoyed spending hours just chatting. Definitely a highlight of my summer. In August I directed VBS at our church for the third year. It was an awesome (and really hot) week with lots of kids out and lots of fun! In September I started the year with 10 piano students and have now worked my way up to 12 (maxed out). I love teaching and love all my students. This has been my best year yet! I went down to watching Levi twice a week, but he still sometimes comes 3 days depending on schedules. We love having him in our home! I play piano on one of the worship teams at church and teach children's church once a month. It's been a fairly low key year, especially after 2014, and I've enjoyed so much getting to spend my days at home with my girls. I can't believe how fast they are growing and soon they'll both be in school so I'm soaking these days up as much as I can!

Cassidy: Cassidy has had an exciting year! She turned 4 in March, which thrilled her to no end! We also registered her for preschool in September. She has been wanting to go to school since she was 2 so needless to say she was very excited! She took swimming lessons in the spring and did so great! She passed and is looking forward to going again next spring. She got to go meet her teacher a week before school started and she goes Monday and Wednesday afternoons for 2 hours. As I figured, she has transitioned beautifully into the school setting. I actually had to force her to hug me goodbye the first day. She knows the routine, she's made some friends and I love all the crafts and stories she brings home! She asks every day if she gets to go to school and is looking forward to her first Christmas concert in 2 weeks, where she will be performing songs they've been working on. We also registered her for Kindergarten at Valley Christian Academy, a private school in the next town over, and found out a few weeks ago that she has a spot there! Her cousins go there and she'll get to ride the bus, both things she is very much looking forward to. Cassidy also goes to Sunday School at church and they are also working on a Christmas program that's coming up soon. She has many good friends and enjoys when they come over to visit or when she goes to their house to play. Cassidy loves playing at the park, her Barbies, making up stories, coloring on walls, tormenting her sister, reading, all her grandparents, and dancing to the Charlie Brown song that she makes her mommy play over and over again. She still talks non-stop and says some of the funniest things I've ever heard. She is seriously strong-willed and some days are a struggle but we are slowly working on how to channel her stubbornness into something good. She makes me want to pull my hair out and smother her in kisses all in the same breath. This has been the best stage so far and I am excited to watch God continue to work in her life!

Aviannah: Our dear tiny little Avi had a rough start to the New Year. She managed to catch RSV (a nasty respiratory virus) which landed her in the hospital for 5 days in isolation. We made it through, she recovered nicely and has gotten a whole lot stronger since! She turned 1 in March and celebrated by learning to crawl. She crawled her way through summer and started walking (finally!) at the end of September. She has a handful of words and is picking up new sounds every day. She is the biggest goofball we know. She has the funniest expressions and uses her cuteness to her full advantage. She is crazy busy, even more so then Cassidy was at that age, which I didn't think was possible! If she's out of sight, she's into trouble. She rewards people she loves with the best hugs and kisses and continues to charm everyone she meets. Aviannah loves books, goldfish crackers, opening cupboards, unrolling the toilet paper roll, emptying Kleenex boxes, snuggles with Mom and Dad, sucking on her two middle fingers, her bottle, tormenting her sister, dancing and shrieking just because. We love everything about her and her determined personality both thrills and terrifies me. She is still tiny for her age, but catching up quicker and quicker all the time. She continues to beat the odds and we are so thankful for her! 

Highlights of 2015 (that I didn't mention above): 
- we (ok, John) made our half bath into an ensuite and redid the back entrance. Still in love with it.
- we welcomed a new pet to our family, Cinnamon the hamster.
- Maya (the other, jealous pet) ate said hamster a month later. Lesson learned. Dogs and hamsters don't mix.
- celebrated birthdays all March long.
- we enjoyed a very early, hot spring with lots of outside time!
- I enjoyed a girls weekend away in Edmonton in May with my mom and sister (Eric and his girlfriend also joined us for one day).
- we visited Wanuskewin park with my family for Father's Day. I had never been, it was a fun afternoon.
- Kinsmen Park re-opened in August and we checked it out, it's fantastic! 
- John and I spent 4 days in Banff at the end of August to celebrate our upcoming anniversary. This was hands down the highlight of the year. We had such a wonderful, relaxing time away getting to re-connect and enjoy things like sleeping in, lingering over a long meal at a restaurant and talking without getting interrupted every 5 seconds. Oh yeah, and exploring a cave, riding up a mountain and hiking- those things were good too!
- enjoyed a visit from my brother and his girlfriend over the Labor day weekend (they both live in Medicine Hat so we don't get to see them that often, but we're going there for Christmas!!)
- celebrated 5 years of marriage in November!

All in all, it's been a great year! As always, we give thanks to God for the many blessings He's given us and we look forward to what 2016 has in store! 
Love the Letkemans!

Our Journey to Cassidy (Part 3)

December 26 arrived! We had finished out Christmas Day with John's family and woke up excited and ready to go get our girl! We had invited his family over again that evening so Cassidy could meet her other aunt and uncle and her cousins! My dad was planning to meet us over at David and Judy's to help take apart the crib. They were letting us take all the big furniture they had (crib, playpen, exersaucer) plus all her clothes and toys which was a big help! Here's another memory that is burned into my brain- as we drove up to their apartment we saw birth mom holding Cassidy at the door waiting for us. Cassidy was still in her pj's and they both waved at us. The look on birth mom's face got my tears started. She looked like she was in absolute agony. We helped her get Cassidy dressed while Dad helped David take the crib gone. Judy was out, she didn't think she could handle being there during that time. Everything was finally ready to go and it was time to say goodbye. I remember feeling so awkward and not sure how to properly handle the situation. How do you even begin to express your gratitude when someone is handing over their baby to you, no longer theirs but yours? I was at a loss. We hugged, cried and left. I remember John saying to me on the ride home that the best way we can show our thanks is by taking good care of Cassidy for her. I do that to the best of my ability every day. It's the very least I can do.

The drive home was amazing! I kept looking back and seeing a little brown head poking over the carseat. It didn't feel real that she was coming home for good! It was naptime when we got home and we all had a nice long nap. The rest of the day went great, we went for a walk and finished setting up her nursery. Family came over in the evening and all had a great time meeting Cassidy! The weeks to follow were full of introducing her to more family, our church family and friends! Her adoption didn't get completed until March 2013, a few weeks before she turned 2 due to some bumps in the road, but by God's grace she became legally ours forever! She just got home from preschool as I was in the middle of writing this and she gave me a hug and said "You're the best Mommy in the whole world!" I still feel like I don't deserve her. Every day with her is a gift and they are definitely not all easy, but I wouldn't trade any of them! 

Apart from the obvious blessing- her!- Cassidy's adoption has brought about some other wonderful blessings. We have built a wonderful relationship with both sets of her birth grandparents. We love them like family, and they've both willingly and joyfully adopted Avi as their granddaughter alongside Cassidy. They have become so very dear to me and I can't imagine our lives without them in it. Sometimes I go through times where I struggle to trust in God's perfect plan, but I don't have to look any further then Cassidy and Avi's stories to remind myself how incredibly faithful and good He is! I have every reason to trust He knows what He is doing. 

Our Journey to Cassidy (Part 2)

I am horrible at keeping secrets, especially big, juicy, exciting secrets! I knew that we really shouldn't be mentioning this meeting with anyone, because she hadn't officially chose us and nothing was certain. Yet, I wanted people praying and I needed to tell SOMEBODY! I called my parents and siblings, and we told John's parents what was going on. My best friend, who lived not near me at that time, was on Facebook chat that night and I told her what was going on because she's my favorite person to freak out to! We talked for a long time and I unloaded all my feeling, good and bad. I don't think I slept much that night.

That next week seemed to take forever. I mentioned to a couple of my co-workers about our  meeting (remember, bad secret keeper!) Everyone was so excited and I wasn't sure how to feel. I was trying not to get my hopes up just in case this all didn't work out, but I was terrified at how hard I had already fallen for baby Cassidy, or at least the idea of her. Oh, did I forget to mention? Her name is Cassidy. I know, I know, I totally just gave away the ending but you all know how it ended anyway! So yeah, the week dragged by but during that time we made arrangements to met with the birth mom, both sets of grandparents and of course, baby Cassidy! We planned to meet at Thomas Cook in Saskatoon on Saturday, Nov. 26 (I can't remember the exact time).

Saturday arrived and I was a wreck. We pulled up to the restaurant at the same time as James and Sylvia (John's parents friends and Cassidy's grandparents). John knew them but I didn't so we did introductions and went inside and got a table. We found out that birth mom was having car troubles in Regina and wasn't going to be able to make it to the meeting, but had given David and Judy (other grandparents) a list of questions to ask us. We were the first ones there so we made small talk while we waited for the others to arrive. Then, there she was. I can still picture this next moment down to the smallest detail. David and Judy walked in with Cassidy. She was all bundled up (it was winter!) with a white toque on her head. Now, we had no idea what she looked like. We were never told any of her physical features or given a picture. I have always wanted a baby with a head full of dark hair. Her toque was covering her head but the first thing I noticed about her was her piercing blue eyes. They were absolutely stunning! I couldn't even believe how beautiful she was. I stared as Judy got a high chair for her and sat her down, then pulled the toque off her head. I think I may have gasped out loud, for she had a head FULL of dark hair! I could not take my eyes off her. We did another round of introductions and started the interrogation. Yes, it very much felt like an interrogation, although everyone was extremely nice. I remember answering their questions as best I could, but I couldn't stop staring at Cassidy and I just wanted to hold her so bad! Finally, they asked if I wanted to hold her and both John and I got a chance to snuggle her. She didn't make strange with us at all and we snapped some pictures of her with us. They all really seemed to like us and were excited at the prospect of us becoming Cassidy's parents. I can't remember how long we stayed for, but eventually we said goodbye. We drove to my parents house because I was dying to show them pictures! 

That night we got home and found that birth mom had written us a long email with a bunch more questions. We answered all of them right away and sent her a reply. She added me on Facebook and we ended up chatting a bit then she asked if she could call us. I said sure, she called right away and not too long into the conversation she told us she'd like us to be Cassidy's parents. I think I was in a state of shock. The whole day was so overwhelming and emotional and I was not expecting her to make a decision so fast. But...we said yes!! None of us knew what the next step should be, so I told her I'd call social services in the morning and find out. Again, no sleep that night!

I'm going to skim a bit over this next part. Basically, we learned that the birth mom had to be the one to take the first step in contacting social services to start the adoption process. I relayed this information to her and we didn't hear anything for 4 days. Again, I was a wreck. We had already started gathering baby items and telling people, and for the first time I thought it was over. She wasn't going to be ours after all. I remember reciting Philipains 4: 4-8 over and over again. I clung to those verses and tried to stay positive. Finally we heard from birth mom. She had contacted social services and the process had begun! The month of December was absolute madness. Christmas was the farthest thing from my mind. We started doing small visits with Cassidy to help ease her into the transition from one home to another. We met with David and Judy at Wendy's (and also met birth mom for the first time there as well). We asked if they wouldn't mind bringing her over to my parents so they could meet her. They agreed and we got to introduce Cassidy to my parents. I remember my mom took her right away and went to show her the Christmas tree and I could barely see through the tears welling up in my eyes. I had waited for this moment for so long. We started talking about the actual day she would come home with us. The adoption would be completed after this fact, so it was really up to birth mom as to when we would get her. At first she told us before Christmas, then she decided that she wanted one last Christmas with her so she said after New Year's sometime. I felt a little like I was being jerked back and forth and just wanted to settle on a date. 

In the midst of this, we again set up another meeting with Cassidy. This time John and I went to pick her up and take her back to our place for the afternoon. This was so surreal! We got home and played with her a bit, John's parents came over to meet her, then we tried to put her down for a nap. This was a big fat failure. She got really worked up and would not go to sleep. She looked absolutely terrified and I felt sick to my stomach. What were we doing? How could we take this little girl away from everything she ever knew? Maybe this was a mistake. I knew we weren't taking her, she was being given to us, but it felt like we were in that moment. We finally decided to go for a drive and that put her right to sleep. We brought her back after driving around for a while and went home exhausted. Our first parenting experience was not as blissful as we had hoped!

December 26 was picked as the day Cassidy would come home with us for good. Her birth family was super generous and let us have her for Christmas morning as well. We took her to my parents and my sibling and my grandparents got to meet her for the first time. That was such a special day! She did amazing and charmed everybody. She helped us open presents, stayed for lunch then we brought her back for naptime. I remember driving away after we dropped her off thinking of tomorrow, when we'd be driving away with her and never be bringing her back! One more day...

To be continued (sorry, it's a long story!)

Our Journey to Cassidy (Part 1)

I always get really nostalgic this time of year, and it's not for the reason you think. From the end of November to the end of December in the year 2011 was the whirlwind month where we went from finding out we were going to become parents to actually becoming parents! As I was reminiscing about that time, I realized I have never shared Cassidy's adoption story on this blog. I started this blog to chronicle our 2nd adoption journey, and I have briefly touched on aspects of our 1st adoption, but never in detail. I did write a note summarizing the story on Facebook as it was unfolding, but there's so much more I could say now. I figured maybe you'll enjoy the read, but at the very least I will have it written down for one day when the details aren't so clear in my brain (I still feel like it was yesterday. Maybe I'll always feel that way.) I love Cassidy's story. It's so different in every way from Aviannah's, and yet it's so obvious in both their stories how God orchestrated every single step. I'll never get over it.

So...I guess her story goes back to our wedding day, November 13, 2010. We both had previously discussed that we wanted to get started on the adoption process as soon as we were married. We had no idea where, what, when, how to even begin but the one thing we fully expected was that it was going to take a LONG time. We waited until the honeymoon and the business of the Christmas season was over, then in January we started researching. I immediately became utterly overwhelmed as I looked into different countries, prices, agencies, etc. At this point I didn't have a network of other adoptive parents to tap into for advice so I felt completely on my own and lost. We made an appointment at the Adoption Support Centre of Saskatchewan (in Saskatoon). This appointment was the a huge help for us. She explained about private, domestic and international adoption and gave us many different options and encouragement! I specifically remember her talking about private adoption, and that sometimes an adoption happens by way of word of mouth. A pregnant woman may hear about a couple looking through adopt, and is able to, with the help of lawyers and social services, give her baby to them without the baby having to go in the system. She told us not to get our hopes up, that that scenario is extremely rare and almost never happens. (cue foreshadowing!)

So we left that meeting and immediately applied with the Ministry of Social Services to be put on the list to adopt domestically through the gov't of Saskatchewan. We requested 1 and under and were told that this could take 10+ years or might never happen because most people request that age bracket. (We are still on the list, and nope, haven't heard a thing in almost 5 years). But we applied anyway, trusting that if this was the means to our child, God would make that happen. In February we got an email saying we were officially on the list. Easy peasy! I have to also interject here that we had a rough first year of marriage, and that's putting it lightly. Bringing children into our at that time very fragile marriage was the last thing either of us wanted, but we still wanted to be proactive in the hopes that things would get better with our marriage (which they very much did!) 

In March of 2011, something interesting came up. John's parents went out with a couple that they used to attend church with. They hadn't really seen much of each other and were getting together to catch up. (I hope that's correct, that's how I remember it but correct me if I'm wrong, because I know you both are reading this!) John and I came up in conversation and they mentioned how we were newly married, and also how we planned to adopt. This couple then told John's parents that their daughter was pregnant and was looking to give up her baby for adoption. They asked if they could give her our names. John's mom called me that night and after talking about it, we agreed. I was excited, John was not. He was not ready and in hindsight, neither was I but who was I to say no to a baby? I felt that this was something we could not pass up. We both assumed she was newly pregnant and we'd have some time to prepare if she chose us. Well, we were wrong! She was due that month. We didn't hear a thing about it again until after the baby was born and we learned that it was a girl and that her birth mother decided to keep her after all. Honestly, we were both relieved. We were not ready and this was best. I do remember still feeling a twinge of disappointment and I recall very vividly driving to work the next day after hearing the news and praying that this baby girl would be loved, no matter what. That whoever she ended up with would provide her with all the love and care she deserved. I didn't even know her name. 

Life went on. Our marriage slowly started improving. We enjoyed a lovely summer together in which we sold our trailer in Osler and bought a house in Warman. We loved our new-to-us home with 4 bedrooms and a park right outside our back fence. Perfect for starting a family! In August we again heard some news regarding Baby Girl (you know, the one mentioned above?) Apparently her birth mother had decided to move to Regina and had left the baby, now 5 months old, with her grandparents in Saskatoon (different set of grandparents then the friends of John's parents). These grandparents had actually been pretty much raising the baby at that point anyway. We learned that the other set of grandparents (John's parents friends) were pushing their daughter to give her baby up for adoption, as it seemed she wasn't ready to parent her child at that point. Again, our names were brought up to her. At this point, I felt much better about it. We had a much more child friendly home and were a bit more stable then 5 months ago. John still wasn't ready and I knew we both had to be on the same page. By God's grace, again nothing came of that initial conversation. We moved on. Again. 

November came and we celebrated our 1st wedding anniversary! One week later exactly, on November 20, John's mom phoned us. She said that Sylvia (her friend and baby's grandmother) was wanting to speak with us. I said that was fine, and later that evening Sylvia phoned. Unlike the other phone calls, this one changed our life. She told us that their daughter had finally made a decision and was ready to give her baby girl up for adoption. She was still living in Regina, and baby girl was still in Saskatoon and she wanted to meet with us the following weekend. John and I said that yes, we would meet with her. We hung up the phone and I remember my very first thought being "What is he thinking?" I looked at him and saw something different in his eyes then the two previous times this baby girl had been mentioned to us. Was it...excitement? Hope? Was I just seeing what I wanted to see? I asked him what he thought. "Yes," he said. I started shaking and we both dropped to our knees and prayed right there. He told me after we finished praying that he had asked God at one point for a year of marriage before any children came along. Remember the date I mentioned earlier? This phone call came one week after our first anniversary. I don't believe in coincidences. 

Part 2 coming soon...

Bye Bye Summertime

It`s been 3 months since I've been on the blog. Definitely not intentional, and I don`t know if I'll pick it up at all. When I started I was writing more for you then me, to keep you updated on our adoption journey. Now I'm writing more for me then you, so I can look back here later and be reminded of what life looked like then. I suck at keeping a journal and typing is WAY better, faster, and neater then writing so this blog is my journal, I guess!

Summer 2015 is over! It was awesome and I really do feel like I made every moment count. Summer is my favorite season and I always find myself in a period of mourning when it's over, but I don't this year! Believe it or not, I am looking forward to fall. I went through both girls clothes yesterday and traded summer clothes for fall clothes and it made me almost giddy, thinking about cozy oversized sweaters, boots and scarves. You will NEVER find me wishing for winter though. I hope we get a nice long fall this year.

This summer was absolutely wonderful! My favorite thing about summer this year was the free evenings. During the school year I teach piano Wednesday and Thursday nights and Tuesday night is worship team practice at church. Mondays and Fridays we intentionally leave open but they always fill up too. Our church doesn't run worship teams through the summer and I don't teach then, so that left all our evenings open and it. was. glorious. Every night after supper John and I would be like "So what are we doing tonight?" That we even had that option was so refreshing for me! Next week both worship teams and piano starts up again so this is my last week of freedom and I am making it count! 

Some highlights from this summer:

-My sister, some friends and I did a 5K at the beginning of July. It wasn't your typical run, it was chalk full of obstacles and foam! It was called Foam Fest and it was SO much fun! I am not a runner at all, so this was perfect for me, as there was an obstacle every 100 feet or so and we just enjoyed it as a group and didn't worry about doing it fast. Definitely doing it again next year!

-I was a bridesmaid in my best friend's wedding at the end of July. She lives in Manitoba so I was out two weekends in a row, for the bachelorette, then we all drove out for the wedding. I so enjoyed the wedding weekend, especially the night before when us girls spent the night at her place. We've lived apart for a few years now and I've missed her so much and being able to spend time talking face to face was wonderful! The wedding was beautiful, the weather was HOT and I never danced so hard in my life! 

- During August long weekend we went to a nearby beach for the day. We never did do an overnight camping trip this year, so we figured we needed to squeeze at least one day in at the beach. It was the perfect day for it and the girls had so much fun in the water and the sand. 

- I directed VBS for the third year at our church mid-August and it was a blast! That week was also a scorcher and our church has no air conditioning but we all survived, no one got sick, and we had a great turnout. I'm especially excited because my parents invited their neighbor's son (non Christian family) who came and had a great time, and his family has been in church every Sunday since then! My biggest goal was to reach the community and even that one family coming has made it all worth it!

-And the BIGGEST highlight of the summer came at the end! John and I will be celebrating 5 years of marriage in November (what?) so we wanted to do a special trip. We decided to go to Banff during the summer, when the weather would be nicer. I've never been and John hasn't since he was a kid so we were both excited! We left the girls with my parents for the first chunk and John's parents for the last day. We were gone 5 days which is the longest we've ever left either of them, so I was definitely nervous but they did so awesome and we had the best time. We hiked and ate and walked and ate and spelunked (highlight!) and biked and ate and shopped and slept and it was just wonderful! We also got along so well and didn't argue the whole week! Not that we argue a lot anyway, but I was impressed with how well we got along. We talked about our honeymoon and where we were then and now and we really have changed alot in 5 short years. It really does get better every year and I'm so thankful that I have such an amazing husband to do life with!

So that was summer! Now it's fall, and along with that comes more change! Cassidy starts preschool next week (2 afternoons a week) just down the street from our house. Tomorrow morning we go to meet her teacher. She is ecstatic about it and I am too! I'm pretty sure I won't cry on that first day, but I guess we'll see! I can't wait to see her grow and flourish over this next year! Avi is THIS close to walking (she's been taking a few steps today) so I have no doubt she'll soon be busier then ever. Levi comes two days a week and he is so much fun to have around. Leesa has been living with us for a year and is starting her 2nd year of university. She is such a big help to have around. I'm kinda hoping she'll stay forever! (mmkay sister?) 

That was a big update, but that's where we are now! Who knows when I'll get around to blogging again, so thanks for reading and see you when I see you!

Little of This, Little of That

I've decided that I'm not that great at this whole blogging thing. It was easier when I had something to blog about (ie: adoption process) but even though that's done I still want to make sure I'm posting periodically. Especially for those that are interested in following our daily goings on but that I don't see on a regular basis. One of our caseworkers from our agency, who was basically Aviannah's second mom until we got there, keeps in touch via this blog which I think is so cool! 

I am just so in love with life right now. I feel like it's never been better, and I'm not trying to sound braggy. Actually I wake up every day feeling so humbled and undeserving of this beautiful life God has blessed me with. Having to fight so hard for my children has made me more aware of how amazing it is that they are actually here and that is sure a blessing in disguise, especially on those days when they are driving me CRAZY! (yes, those sweet faces are not all that innocent!)

I think the weather has greatly improved my mood of late. It feels like we've already had one month of summer and it's not even June yet! I love that all we need to get out the door is shoes. No jackets, no snowsuits, no mitts and toques and scarves. It's glorious! 

Our back gate goes directly out to a park, which I can see from the kitchen window. It's practically our backyard. Cassidy calls it "our park". John even oils the swings and waxes the very slow slide! This year I've started to let Cassidy play at the park by herself. Often she wants to go out but I can't leave the house because Avi is napping so I open the back gate, leave it open, go over a few rules and she's good to go! It's been absolutely wonderful. There are always other kids playing there so she gets to go and make friends and I get some time to do housework or relax inside with a sleeping baby. Bliss! The first few times I was super nervous but she does so well and has followed our instructions to the letter. Actually I'm more worried about someone seeing her by herself and calling CPS on me because apparently that is the thing to do these days. Dumb, isn't it? I refuse to let myself live in fear of what someone else will do and I want her to learn independence and have some freedom so I'm fighting against these fears and doing what I think is best for her (and praying of course. Lots of praying.) She loves it, we love it. Everybody wins!

Speaking of Cassidy, I can't believe how grown up she's getting. She is very proud to be 4 and announces it to anyone and everyone she meets. "Hi, my name is Cassidy and I'm 4!" This girl is not at all shy, which I think is great! I was very shy as a kid (shocker right?) and I always hated being that way. She is so excited to start preschool in the fall and I'm anticipating she will do great! She is a sponge and soaks everything up that she hears. She's taking swimming lessons and I just about burst with pride when I watch her listening so carefully to her teacher and trying everything asked of her, even if it makes her nervous. She's the biggest goof ever and the stuff that comes out of her mouth keeps us laughing constantly. She's also got a big attitude but I've definitely seen her maturing over the past few months and temper tantrums are few and far between these days, thank goodness! She's just the best. Every year gets better and better!

Aviannah is doing great! She finally, for a month now, has started eating good! It has always been a struggle to get her to eat alot, and with her already small size it caused me a great deal of stress. Around the beginning of April we switched from formula to whole milk and she loved it and started drinking twice what she usually did. Along with that, her eating of solid foods greatly improved. Before she would maybe eat 2 meals a day, and not a big amount. Now she's eating at every meal, plus 1 morning snack and a before bed snack. She doesn't always eat alot at a time, but she is a small person so I imagine she gets full pretty fast. She still takes a bottle and I have no plans of weaning her anytime soon. She can drink from a sippy cup but she doesn't prefer too and she still needs to catch up so we let her eat and drink whenever she wants. I know she won't be on the bottle forever and she's getting much needed calories from it right now and that's what's important! She is turning into quite the little person. She speedily gets around by crawling and loves to get into mischief. Whenever we tell her "no" she gives us this impish grin and I can't help but smile, even though I'm trying to be stern. She's cute and she knows it! She has a temper too and doesn't like it when she doesn't get what she wants. She's still addicted to her middle fingers on her right hand. Every time I pull them out of her mouth she gets very mad at me so I'm not worrying about that right now either. I can tell she badly wants to keep up with Cassidy and Levi. I'm guessing in a few more months she'll be walking. 

Just this week I've finally got back into a regular routine of working out. I was doing so good last year, then we got the call and went to Las Vegas, then I had a new baby, then Levi started, and I could just never carve away the time, and honestly, I didn't care to. I'm running a 5K and am a bridesmaid in a wedding, both in July, and I want to get in better shape. I'm being more careful about what I eat and doing my workout when Avi naps in the morning, that way I still get the afternoons when all 3 are resting. It's only been a few days but I'm already finding I have more energy and just all around feel better. It helps that we are not housebound and can actually get outside and go for walks! 

So that's our life lately! Still busy (it's taken me all morning just to get his written) but still happy!

A Hamster Tale

We bought Cassidy a hamster for her birthday. We took her to the pet store and let her pick the one she wanted. She picked a cute brown one and appropriately named her Cinnamon. We set her up in her cage in the kitchen and she happily adjusted to her new home. She was so nice, she let us hold and handle her and she never tried to bite us. Cassidy loved to sit at the cage and talk to her. One night after we were letting Cassidy pet her she didn't latch the door. The next morning she was gone. John heard her under the stove, pulled open the stove drawer and there she was! She had to have fallen off the shelf to get out but she seemed fine. Thankfully Maya was asleep in our room and didn't realize what had happened. About a week later the girls were in bed and John and I were downstairs watching TV when we heard a sudden racket upstairs. John went up to investigate and discovered Maya with Cinnamon in her mouth, shaking her like she was a toy. She dropped her when she saw John and the hamster hobbled to safety under the stove. We got her out. She was bleeding and shaking but still alive. We put her back in her cage and hoped for the best. She stopped eating and just laid in her corner. She seemed to be dying a bit more every day. I felt sick over it. I wanted to put her out of her misery but couldn't bring myself to do it. Last night, 3 days after the attack, Cinnamon died. John disposed of the body, the cage is back in the garage and it's like she never existed. 28 days.   We could only keep her alive for 28 days. Thankfully our track record with kids is better! Also thankfully, Cassidy doesn't seem too upset over it. She's already asking when we can get another one. I think we'll take a break before we attempt that again. Dogs and hamsters don't mix.
RIP Cinnamon.
It was nice knowing you.

Life Lately

I figured it's high time I'd update all 5 of you who read my blog on what we've been up to lately. I'm shaking my head in disbelief that it's already April, the snow is (hopefully) gone and Easter is over. I'm so looking forward to summer and green grass, long walks and late evenings spent at the park.

My grandparents, who spend every winter in Texas came home last week. They always make the rounds and visit my aunt and uncle and cousins in BC first before they get back to Saskatchewan. This time they brought my 18 year old cousin Jen back to stay with us for a few days. We hardly ever get to see them and we had such a great time with her! She flew back this morning and I remembered again how much I hate goodbyes. In a perfect world, I would have all the people I love close to me. Unfortunately that's not very realistic but it does make reunions more special. I think it's so neat how age gaps get smaller the older you get. I'm 9 years older then Jen and I remember when she was born and playing with her as a baby. I remember her and her little sister begging to play with Leesa and I when they were a bit older and how we sometimes got annoyed with them and didn't want them hanging around. And yet now, I feel like we're more on equal ground. We're both adults and have developed a really neat friendship. I'm so thankful that she was able to visit.

On a not so pleasant note, Aviannah is sick again. She got her first bad cold back in December and since then, she's managed to pick up every little bug that passes by. Every time she gets sick she always gets this nasty cough that sounds so awful. Especially after her stint in the hospital in February, I get so nervous anytime I hear that horrible cough. John took her to the walk in yesterday and thankfully her lungs are clear this time and it just seems to be a bad cold. They prescribed her a puffer which will help keep her airway clear. She seems to be slowly on the mend. At least this time she's still eating and drinking. Unfortunately, because of all these colds she hasn't slept through the night since before Christmas (and she was doing it since August before then.) I've heard a few times "Oh, just you wait. One day you'll miss those middle of the night cuddles." I was thinking about that last night at 3:30 as I was rocking her back to sleep and I thought "Maybe some people do, but I sure won't!" I was cold, beyond exhausted and all I could think about was my nice warm bed a a few feet away. John helps with the night shifts which I'm so thankful for. Yesterday I said to him "One day, we will all sleep all night long one night, and then the next night, and then every night after that. It WILL happen!" I think I was trying to convince myself more then anyone else! There's lots that I will miss about the baby stage but being up in the night will NOT be one of them!

The girls both got vaccinated last Wednesday. Neither of them had been weighed or measured in awhile so I was excited to see where they were at. Cassidy, at 4 years, weighs 37 lbs (80th percentile) and is 39 inches (40th percentile). Aviannah, at 1 year, weighs 15 1/2lbs (5th percentile) and is 28 inches (15th percentile). Considering Avi wasn't even on the charts for the first half year of her life, the nurse said she's doing very well. I often worry about her size, especially since she doesn't really seem to enjoy eating and it's all I can do to get a decent amount of food in her sometimes, but the nurse reassured me that she's doing great considering her situation. I think she'll always just be a petite girl and there's nothing wrong with that!

There's so much coming up that I'm looking forward to. One of Cassidy's grandmas paid for swimming lessons as a birthday present and that starts in a couple of weeks. I'm looking forward to doing that with her. She is also registered for preschool in September. It's just a block over from our house and she'll go 2 afternoons a week. She is so excited and keeps asking when she gets to go. I'm so excited to see how she'll thrive in a school setting. She's always been such a smart girl and loves learning new things and making new friends. Before that though, we have summer to look forward to! In July I'm running in a 5K with a group of friends and my best friend is getting married in Winnipeg. I'm in the wedding and I'm really looking forward to it! In August I'll be directing VBS at our church again and John and I are planning a trip to Bamff to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary (what??) I've never actually stayed in Bamff, just driven through, and I'm so looking forward to it! Hiking, hot springs and enjoying time alone with my husband...sounds divine. 

I hope you all had a great Easter weekend with your loved ones. I was once again brought to tears as I was reminded of the horrible things Jesus endured on the cross, just because he loved us, and I couldn't keep the smile off my face as we celebrated the fact that He didn't stay dead, that He rose again and lives today! Life is worth the living just because He lives!

It's God

Lately I've been feeling thankful for something. Something that I never thought I'd be able to think about without feeling despair, let alone thankfulness. I've been feeling thankful for my infertility.

The other day I was playing with my girls and I was struck with the thought that if I were able to have my own babies, these babies would not be a part of my life, and since then I've been thinking how thankful I am that I wasn't able to have my own babies. To not know Cassidy and Aviannah, to not kiss their sweet faces a million times a day, to not see their smiles or feel their warm hugs, to not be able to celebrate their birthdays and watch them grow right before my eyes are things I can't even fathom. I wouldn't trade them for anything, not even a pregnancy.

This April marks 10 years since I found out I wouldn't be able to have children. That day feels like a lifetime ago and yet I can drag up the memory of that day easily. I don't even recognize that girl anymore. If I could go back in time and tell her that 10 years later she'd be glad and thankful for her infertility, she would've thought I was crazy. And, like anything in my life, all glory goes to God. I am positive that I would not be in this place, feeling this way, without him. It's God who brought me through those first few dark years with tenderness and patience. It's God who heard my many desperate pleas for a child. It's God who gave me the most incredible man as my husband, someone who loved and wanted me despite my "situation." It's God who restored joy in my heart and allowed me to hope again. It's God who changed my heart from being completely against adoption to seeing how completely and utterly redeeming adoption actually is. And it's God who brought my babies home to me. Nature intended them for someone else, God intended them for me.

After we brought Aviannah home, I said "This is it. We're done," all the while knowing that maybe eventually my heart would soften to the idea of adopting again. Not surprisingly, it has. There's a yearning to adopt again growing inside of me. It started small, but it's growing something fierce. Most of my thoughts these days are consumed with the possibility of adding to our family. I've started praying, asking God to show us if there's another child out there for us. John doesn't feel the same way I do and I know I can't even begin to consider it unless we're on the same page so I'll wait and pray and see what happens. If there's anything I've learned in this 10 year journey, it's that God's plans are far better then my own.

Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

Today marks one year of life for our little Aviannah. Today marks her very first birthday!

I'm trying so hard to find the words to express how I feel about today and there just aren't words for it. Aviannah is my hero. The mere fact that she's alive is a miracle. Even though I wasn't present when she made her way into the world a year ago, I can't help but imagine what it would've been like. How scared her sweet mother must've been when she realized that the baby was coming, too soon and too fast. How panicked her father must've been when he realized the ambulance wasn't going to make it in time and he was going to have to deliver her. How easy it would've been for them to not call an ambulance, to birth her and then just throw her away and be done with it. Because, really, what were her chances of living anyway? And yet, they chose life. I think about that every day. I think about how those first few days must've been the hardest, must've been when she had to fight the most, fight to breathe and fight to live. I think about the nurses and how they took her in as if she was their own, how they became her stand in parents in a way. I think about one of the social workers from our agency who visited Aviannah on a regular basis, who took time out of her days to just sit and love on her, because she needed that. (We still send this wonderful lady pictures and updates of Avi and like a proud grandma, she shows them off to all her family and friends). I think about how anxious everyone was for Aviannah's mother to pick a family for her to belong to, and how relieved everyone seemed when we finally got there. I remember how the nurses cried when we left. That little baby had wormed her way into their hearts and I know they found it hard to let her go. 

And here we are, at her first birthday! She's a completely different baby then she was then and I'm so thankful for the crazy ways that God has already been at work in her life. It's obvious that He's got great plans for her and I'm just thankful that I get to be along for the ride. 

Here's a glimple of Aviannah at a year:

- she does not sleep through the night anymore, that can change any day now!

- she army crawls like a pro! She knows how to crawl normally but she's so fast at the army crawl that she much prefers that way. 

- she has 4 teeth and is working on some more. Anything and everything goes in the mouth.

- she says "Mama" and "Dada" all the time and babbles constantly. Typical girl!

- she prefers to feed herself with her fingers but will tolerate us putting food in her mouth. Her favorite foods are sweet potatoes, creamed corn, yogurt, prunes, strawberries and squash. 

- she loves it when her big sister gives her the time of day and laughs so easily for her.

- she is not pulling herself up yet (we haven't even had to lower her crib mattress!). She's very content just to watch all the activity around her, although I can tell now that she moves around effortlessly she's more motivated to do things.

- her "soother" is her two middle fingers on her right hand. If she's not getting what she wants right away, the fingers go in. Pretty cute!

- she's got a temper on her. She usually doesn't cry but if she gets offended about something, she lets you know!

- she loves being outside and doesn't even seem to mind the cold.

- she waves hello and bye bye

- she smiles at every single person she sees and everyone in response comments on how big her eyes are!

- she is happy happy happy!

There's probably much more that I could say but that's all I can think of right now. She's just one tiny ball of joy and delight. Every time I pick her up and she smiles at me I feel like the luckiest person in the world. 

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

Here's to many, many more!

Sick!

What a rollar coaster these last 2 weeks have been.

What started as a cold for Aviannah turned into a bad cough. She was diagnosed with a chest infection and inflamed tonsils and we were sent home with antibiotics. Over the next 5 days she did not get better. I was a wreck. We were barely sleeping and I just felt so helpless. She wasn't eating and was losing weight and she was just miserable. I didn't know what else to do for her. I took get back to the doctor on Thursday and this time they tested her oxygen levels which were low. Not low enough that it was noticeable but low enough that she wasn't expelling enough air which can cause problems. The doctor told me he was going to call the hospital and that they would likely send an ambulance for her. As soon as he left, I started crying. Partly because I was scared but mostly because I was so relieved. Finally someone was going to help her in ways that I couldn't.

We rode the ambulance to the ER which was actually pretty cool and waited a few hours in peds ER then she was admitted and we've been here for 2 and a half days now. We're going a bit stir crazy but honestly I'd way rather be here then at home. At least here if something goes wrong she gets ummeadiately attention and since we've been here she's improved a lot! Today she's been more agitated. The nurse comes in every few hours to take her temp (up the bum) and suck snot out of her nose, both of which she hates, so she has started crying everytime she sees them. She does not like her nasal canola and tries to pull it out but she's overall been so good!

John and I have also felt so well taken care of! My parents have been watching Cassidy and today she's going to John's parents for the night. We miss her terribly and we also think she has RSV too. She's been coughing since Wednesday and my mom said yesterday she was running around and then couldn't catch her breath for a few minutes. She keeps asking when we all get to be together again. I wish I could be in two places at once. My parents have also been bringing us food and this morning my dad came to sit with Avi and John and I drove out to Warman to get some more stuff. We got home to find Leesa, who is also sick, cleaning our house from top to bottom! I have not had time to give it a good clean since this awful sickness so that was such a blessing! It will be so nice to go home to a clean house. We've had family visit and countless people letting us know they are praying. We feel so loved. This very much feels like de ja vu from the hospital stay in Vegas, but better because we're home!

The biggest blessing by far though is our room. We have a very private room tucked away in a corner with no windows and a small door. We have a bathroom with a shower, a very comfy couch and a tv. I walked around the ward and checked out the other rooms and they are about half the size of ours with no privacy and many rooms have more then one patient in them. We got lucky to snag this one! We could get kicked out at anytime depending if there's a higher needs kid that comes in so we're enjoying it while we can!

If all goes well we can hopefully go home tomorrow! We love you all and are feeling the prayers!

10 Months

Here I am, posting another monthly update, shaking my head in disbelief. I can't believe our tiny little Aviannah is only 2 months shy of her 1st birthday!

Actually, I think she's very aware of the impending milestone because she sure seems to be determined to grow up these days. She's still not crawling (so close!) or pulling herself up but boy oh boy! I'll get to that in a second.

This month has been absolutely nuts. Christmas season is always busy, plus we had the added business (and bonus!) of working to finalize her adoption. Dec. 18 was the day she became a Letkeman, and ironically enough, it also was the day she decided to get sick. She got a horrible cough that kept getting worse and by the 21st we were so worried that we drove her in to RUH at 1 in the morning (so thankful for Auntie Leesa who stayed behind so we didn't have to drag a sleeping Cassidy in as well). Thankfully it was just viral but it took her quite a while to kick it. She basically didn't eat anything for 2 days which had me super worried but thankfully she liked Pedialyte so we were able to keep her hydrated. She was on the mend by Christmas time but it took a good 2 weeks for her to get back to her normal eating habits. I think this is the reason that she has stopped sleeping through the night. She's eating like a horse lately, and I'm guessing she's going through a growth spurt plus making up for the period that she was sick. Maybe I'm wrong on both accounts, but whatever the case she's not sleeping through the night anymore and it. sucks. Anyway, we survived Christmas and Aviannah survived her cough and we're all doing well now!

Aviannah, like I mentioned before, is determined to grow up. She has just recently started regularly holding her own bottle. She used to do it every once and a while but now she actually PREFERS to feed herself then have us feed her. What?? We have gotten into the habit of giving her a bottle before each nap time and bedtime (we also did that with Cassidy and she grew out of it, so here's hoping Avi will too!) and we're finding she eats way more this way then she did when we would feed her. Sometimes though, I just want to cuddle with her and give her her bottle. She will have none of it! Seriously, it's ridiculous! I tried just today and she fought and squirmed so much that I eventually gave up, laid her down and handed her the bottle and she was happy as could be. She also will not cuddle. She doesn't even sit still on my lap anymore. She is either reaching for something or trying to roll off. This kid does not sit still. If she's on the floor, she's moving. She's mastered using her arms to get her around without having to get her legs up under her and she uses that method or rolling to go where she wants. I can't believe how resistant she is to being held. She prefers to play on the floor then to sit on my lap and play. This change seemed to happen so fast and I'm not ready for it! Good grief, she's still my baby! Where does she get off thinking she doesn't need to sit with Mama anymore? (I am really really glad she's developing so well and enjoys her play, I am. But I miss cuddles.)

Her vocals seem to have exploded over the past month. She babbles constantly and it's the cutest thing! There's been quite a few times where we can tell she's trying to repeat what we're saying! She already says "Mama", "baba" (what we call her bottle) and "hey". I can tell she's trying to say "dada" too. I think we're going to have an early talker. She is a girl, after all!

Her hair is coming in nice, mostly on top. I got it into the tiniest ponytail last night and she didn't seem to mind at all! She still loves solids and is just starting to be able to handle things that aren't pureed. Up until a few days ago she would gag and puke on anything that wasn't baby food, but she's been doing good with little chunks of real food these last couple of days.
She cut her second tooth the other day and now has both bottom teeth. She can also stand unassisted if she has something to hold onto, like the couch or her exersaucer. She's getting really strong. The OT and PT were concerned that she wasn't using her left side as much as her right but just recently I've seen her start using both sides equally. She saw the OT and PT last week and they saw it as well and said that she's making great progress so that's great!

This is definitely my favorite age so far! I love how her personality is coming out more and more and how interactive she is. Seeing her interact with her world and discover new things is my favorite part of parenting. I remember marveling at how wonderful it was to watch Cassidy get so excited over a mud puddle, or a pinecone on the ground, or a plane in the sky. I love seeing the world through a child's eyes. It forces me to stop and appreciate things that I otherwise wouldn't have. I often think back to where Jesus says we must become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven. I have a better understanding of what He means by that the more I watch my children grow. I love their sweet innocence and childish wonder.

That's all for now! Time for me to start thinking about birthday parties (sniff)

Happy New Year

Hello 2015!

This morning I mentioned on Facebook that this will be the first year since we got married in 2010 that we are not pursuing an adoption of any kind. I've been thinking on that some more and I really can't believe that we've been in the adoption trenches for 4 years!
We got married in November 2010 and finished off that year just being newlyweds and adjusting to marriage. (I still feel like I'm adjusting to marriage, but I also still feel like a newlywed. Guess that's a good thing!)
Janurary 2011 we hit the ground running and applied to adopt domestically through Saskatchewan. We were not given much hope that anything would result of that, but we figured it was a good place to start. In February we heard of a pregnant young lady looking to give her baby up for adoption privately. Her parents were friends with John's parents so they passed on our names to her but we didn't think much of it, as our marriage was a bit of a struggle at that point. Actually our whole first year was pretty miserable, but that's another story for another time. We heard that she had a baby girl on March 30 and had decided to keep her. We figured that was the end of that.
The next few months we didn't actively pursue anything. We sold our trailer and moved to Warman which kept us busy enough. In the fall once we were settled in our new place, we started researching different countries that might be an option for us. We decided that even though it was outrageously expensive and a huge step, we would try to adopt from the United States. We got an application to an agency and began filling it out. It sat on our kitchen table for a few days and then on Nov. 20, exactly one week after our 1st wedding anniversary, we got a phone call. You know that baby I mentioned before? Turns out her mom had made the decision to give her up for adoption after all and we were one of the couples she was deciding between. (Sorry if you know this story, but I know I haven't blogged it before). One week later we met Cassidy Breanne Adele Boone. She was beautiful and perfect and I fell in love. That night we talked to her birth mom on the phone for quite a while and she decided to let us be Cassidy's parents.
Well...life just went nuts after that. December was madness with figuring out what the next steps were, getting baby items plus the usual busyness of Christmas. My aunt also passed away that month. Emotions were definitely running high. On Dec. 26 Cassidy came home. So 2011 started with an adoption application and ended with a baby!
2012 started with us as new parents. Cassidy transitioned into our home so nicely. I was worried that it would be hard on her since she was 9 months old but she did amazingly. We spent that next WHOLE year trying to get her adoption finalized. It was a long road with lots of bumps, some bigger then others, and it was stressful to say the least. Her birth family still wanted to maintain a relationship with her and I struggled with trying to respect that and intense fear that they were going to take her away from us. My heart was in agony. On one hand I was overjoyed that I finally got to be someone's Mommy and on the other hand I was scared it wasn't going to last. 2012 came and went and Cassidy still was not a Letkeman.
I had high hopes for 2013 and thankfully, our prayers were answered and in March the adoption went through. Relief does not even begin to describe how we felt. We had already decided that once her adoption was done, we were moving full speed ahead into adoption #2. I was terrified. Cassidy's adoption had really done a number on me and I didn't know if I could handle another one like that. But we didn't want an only child. So I gave it to God and in July we pulled out that application from 2011 and started down the road of international adoption. This story you know, if you've been reading my blog. We ended 2013 on the wait list and 2014 was dubbed the Year of the Baby.
2014 lived up to that title and Aviannah came home in June. We spent the rest of the year having monthly visits with our social worker and the year ended with her adoption getting finalized.
So...that brings us to 2015! Just recapping all that has me exhausted! So what now? I have no idea. I'm relieved that we are not currently in the adoption process. I need a break. I am in love with my girls and I can't imagine our family any different then it is right now. When we first brought Avi home I thought I would never want to adopt again. I was so done, but already my heart has been softening to the idea. We've decided that we're not going to pursue anything for the next couple years unless God tells us otherwise. If he drops another baby into our laps Cassidy-style, fantastic! If not, fantastic.

I have grown to love not knowing what's around the next corner in life. It forces me to trust God and to let go. It makes life more interesting and I always love a good surprise! I also love the fresh start of a new year. I know that January 1st is just another day and God gives fresh starts every day but there's just something about looking back and reflecting on the year gone by and seeing a whole new year in front of you, full of promise. I have no idea what lies ahead but I can be excited about it and here's why- I walk with a God who never changes. He was the same last year as He is this year. Nothing in life is certain except Jesus. And that's why I can walk into a new year unafraid. Whatever this year brings, whether joy or sorrow, I know that I am God's child and He is my Savior and that will always be enough for me.

Hello 2015!