Waiting...Will It Ever Get Easier?

I dreamt about my baby last night. This is happening more and more frequently. This time, though, it was a girl. In every other baby dream it's been a boy. I'm thinking it has something to do with the fact that I was at a baby shower for my friend and her baby girl last night.

I am so ready for this baby. The house isn't ready, the money's not all here and we're not even "officially" waiting yet, but I'm ready. Every time I snuggle a tiny baby (which has actually been often lately, apparently everyone else is having babies too), I can't help but wonder when it will be my turn. 

I received some free newborn clothing from a lady a couple weeks ago and the other day I was sorting through it. I couldn't believe how tiny some of the things were, and it almost brought me to tears. I could just see a baby filling out those clothes. I often daydream of different scenarios with our baby, like bringing him to church for the first time, watching Cassidy lay on the floor next to him and chatter away, rocking him back to sleep in the middle of the night. It hurts, I want it so bad. Tears are filling my eyes as I write these words. Why is waiting so hard?

I've never been good at waiting and I don't think I ever will be. And then I think of something someone told me when I was on a missions trip in Paraguay back in 2007. He was engaged and was eagerly anticipating his wedding. Someone said to him "That's great that you're so excited and looking forward to this next step in your life, but what are you doing now?" He said this made him stop and think that in that moment, when he was so focused on looking ahead, he might have been missing something great that was happening in his life right now.

I am one of those people that is always looking ahead. Looking forward to Christmas, to Cassidy's birthday, to winter being over (amen?) and I often have to remind myself that every day, every moment is precious and to stop and just be. Just be where God has me right now. It's not wrong to look forward to things and to plan, but at the same time I need to be content with where I am now. 

So, in this waiting season of life, I'm trying to seize the here and now. I'll enjoy Cassidy as my baby and invest in her as much as I can because they really do grow up to fast. I'll stop and play with her even when I want to do other things, because one day she won't need or want me to play with her anymore. I'll enjoy sleeping through the night. I'll enjoy spending the quiet evenings with my husband once Cassidy's in bed. And most of all, I'll continue to draw close to God and let Him speak to me and mold me during this waiting season. His timing is perfect, and I know that this baby will come when He decides it's time, and that will be the best time of all. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher then the earth, so are my ways higher then your ways and my thoughts higher then your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:8-9