Madly in Love

I remember after we got the call about Cassidy and before we met her worrying that I wouldn't be able to love her as much as I would if she was biologically mine. I was worried that it would feel like I was raising someone else's baby and that she'd never feel like she was mine. All those fears were instantly erased the moment I met her, and I fell hard for that 9 month, blue eyed, brown haired beauty.

It's happened again. This time I've fallen hard for a tiny, 5lb, blond haired, blue eyed beauty,

We've been to the hospital 4 times now to visit Aviannah and it's harder to leave every time. This last time we stayed for almost 4 hours and it still wasn't enough. Leaving her in her tiny bed and watching her stare at us as we kiss her goodbye is just about the hardest thing I've ever done. I can't believe how much I love her already. She is the most gorgeous little thing and she just seems to get cuter every time we see her. She makes these little purring noises when she sleeps and she sometimes does this adorable little shudder. We laugh every time. The way she smiles, how she scrunches up her eyebrows... I've got it bad for this little darling!

We talked to another nurse practitioner today and she said that Avi is just doing fantastic. They lowered her oxygen levels today and she's done great with that. They are trying really hard to have her off oxygen by the time we need to head home. She was born with a partial missing membrane in her brain. At first they thought it was the full membrane missing, which would've meant severe special needs but after they did a brain scan they learned only a part of the membrane is missing. This means Avi will likely deal with developmental delays and we will need to get a neurologist for her once we get back home, but we are very thankful it's nothing worse. 

It's funny...this morning we went and did some touristy stuff and I couldn't help feel a bit guilty that we weren't at the hospital spending time with Avi. Then we left to go see Avi and I felt bad that we were leaving Cassidy behind. All of a sudden my heart belongs to two little people and right now I can't have them both together. I can't wait until I can. I just love my girls!