I am horrible at keeping secrets, especially big, juicy, exciting secrets! I knew that we really shouldn't be mentioning this meeting with anyone, because she hadn't officially chose us and nothing was certain. Yet, I wanted people praying and I needed to tell SOMEBODY! I called my parents and siblings, and we told John's parents what was going on. My best friend, who lived not near me at that time, was on Facebook chat that night and I told her what was going on because she's my favorite person to freak out to! We talked for a long time and I unloaded all my feeling, good and bad. I don't think I slept much that night.
That next week seemed to take forever. I mentioned to a couple of my co-workers about our meeting (remember, bad secret keeper!) Everyone was so excited and I wasn't sure how to feel. I was trying not to get my hopes up just in case this all didn't work out, but I was terrified at how hard I had already fallen for baby Cassidy, or at least the idea of her. Oh, did I forget to mention? Her name is Cassidy. I know, I know, I totally just gave away the ending but you all know how it ended anyway! So yeah, the week dragged by but during that time we made arrangements to met with the birth mom, both sets of grandparents and of course, baby Cassidy! We planned to meet at Thomas Cook in Saskatoon on Saturday, Nov. 26 (I can't remember the exact time).
Saturday arrived and I was a wreck. We pulled up to the restaurant at the same time as James and Sylvia (John's parents friends and Cassidy's grandparents). John knew them but I didn't so we did introductions and went inside and got a table. We found out that birth mom was having car troubles in Regina and wasn't going to be able to make it to the meeting, but had given David and Judy (other grandparents) a list of questions to ask us. We were the first ones there so we made small talk while we waited for the others to arrive. Then, there she was. I can still picture this next moment down to the smallest detail. David and Judy walked in with Cassidy. She was all bundled up (it was winter!) with a white toque on her head. Now, we had no idea what she looked like. We were never told any of her physical features or given a picture. I have always wanted a baby with a head full of dark hair. Her toque was covering her head but the first thing I noticed about her was her piercing blue eyes. They were absolutely stunning! I couldn't even believe how beautiful she was. I stared as Judy got a high chair for her and sat her down, then pulled the toque off her head. I think I may have gasped out loud, for she had a head FULL of dark hair! I could not take my eyes off her. We did another round of introductions and started the interrogation. Yes, it very much felt like an interrogation, although everyone was extremely nice. I remember answering their questions as best I could, but I couldn't stop staring at Cassidy and I just wanted to hold her so bad! Finally, they asked if I wanted to hold her and both John and I got a chance to snuggle her. She didn't make strange with us at all and we snapped some pictures of her with us. They all really seemed to like us and were excited at the prospect of us becoming Cassidy's parents. I can't remember how long we stayed for, but eventually we said goodbye. We drove to my parents house because I was dying to show them pictures!
That night we got home and found that birth mom had written us a long email with a bunch more questions. We answered all of them right away and sent her a reply. She added me on Facebook and we ended up chatting a bit then she asked if she could call us. I said sure, she called right away and not too long into the conversation she told us she'd like us to be Cassidy's parents. I think I was in a state of shock. The whole day was so overwhelming and emotional and I was not expecting her to make a decision so fast. But...we said yes!! None of us knew what the next step should be, so I told her I'd call social services in the morning and find out. Again, no sleep that night!
I'm going to skim a bit over this next part. Basically, we learned that the birth mom had to be the one to take the first step in contacting social services to start the adoption process. I relayed this information to her and we didn't hear anything for 4 days. Again, I was a wreck. We had already started gathering baby items and telling people, and for the first time I thought it was over. She wasn't going to be ours after all. I remember reciting Philipains 4: 4-8 over and over again. I clung to those verses and tried to stay positive. Finally we heard from birth mom. She had contacted social services and the process had begun! The month of December was absolute madness. Christmas was the farthest thing from my mind. We started doing small visits with Cassidy to help ease her into the transition from one home to another. We met with David and Judy at Wendy's (and also met birth mom for the first time there as well). We asked if they wouldn't mind bringing her over to my parents so they could meet her. They agreed and we got to introduce Cassidy to my parents. I remember my mom took her right away and went to show her the Christmas tree and I could barely see through the tears welling up in my eyes. I had waited for this moment for so long. We started talking about the actual day she would come home with us. The adoption would be completed after this fact, so it was really up to birth mom as to when we would get her. At first she told us before Christmas, then she decided that she wanted one last Christmas with her so she said after New Year's sometime. I felt a little like I was being jerked back and forth and just wanted to settle on a date.
In the midst of this, we again set up another meeting with Cassidy. This time John and I went to pick her up and take her back to our place for the afternoon. This was so surreal! We got home and played with her a bit, John's parents came over to meet her, then we tried to put her down for a nap. This was a big fat failure. She got really worked up and would not go to sleep. She looked absolutely terrified and I felt sick to my stomach. What were we doing? How could we take this little girl away from everything she ever knew? Maybe this was a mistake. I knew we weren't taking her, she was being given to us, but it felt like we were in that moment. We finally decided to go for a drive and that put her right to sleep. We brought her back after driving around for a while and went home exhausted. Our first parenting experience was not as blissful as we had hoped!
December 26 was picked as the day Cassidy would come home with us for good. Her birth family was super generous and let us have her for Christmas morning as well. We took her to my parents and my sibling and my grandparents got to meet her for the first time. That was such a special day! She did amazing and charmed everybody. She helped us open presents, stayed for lunch then we brought her back for naptime. I remember driving away after we dropped her off thinking of tomorrow, when we'd be driving away with her and never be bringing her back! One more day...
To be continued (sorry, it's a long story!)
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