Happy Birthday, Baby Girl

Today marks one year of life for our little Aviannah. Today marks her very first birthday!

I'm trying so hard to find the words to express how I feel about today and there just aren't words for it. Aviannah is my hero. The mere fact that she's alive is a miracle. Even though I wasn't present when she made her way into the world a year ago, I can't help but imagine what it would've been like. How scared her sweet mother must've been when she realized that the baby was coming, too soon and too fast. How panicked her father must've been when he realized the ambulance wasn't going to make it in time and he was going to have to deliver her. How easy it would've been for them to not call an ambulance, to birth her and then just throw her away and be done with it. Because, really, what were her chances of living anyway? And yet, they chose life. I think about that every day. I think about how those first few days must've been the hardest, must've been when she had to fight the most, fight to breathe and fight to live. I think about the nurses and how they took her in as if she was their own, how they became her stand in parents in a way. I think about one of the social workers from our agency who visited Aviannah on a regular basis, who took time out of her days to just sit and love on her, because she needed that. (We still send this wonderful lady pictures and updates of Avi and like a proud grandma, she shows them off to all her family and friends). I think about how anxious everyone was for Aviannah's mother to pick a family for her to belong to, and how relieved everyone seemed when we finally got there. I remember how the nurses cried when we left. That little baby had wormed her way into their hearts and I know they found it hard to let her go. 

And here we are, at her first birthday! She's a completely different baby then she was then and I'm so thankful for the crazy ways that God has already been at work in her life. It's obvious that He's got great plans for her and I'm just thankful that I get to be along for the ride. 

Here's a glimple of Aviannah at a year:

- she does not sleep through the night anymore, that can change any day now!

- she army crawls like a pro! She knows how to crawl normally but she's so fast at the army crawl that she much prefers that way. 

- she has 4 teeth and is working on some more. Anything and everything goes in the mouth.

- she says "Mama" and "Dada" all the time and babbles constantly. Typical girl!

- she prefers to feed herself with her fingers but will tolerate us putting food in her mouth. Her favorite foods are sweet potatoes, creamed corn, yogurt, prunes, strawberries and squash. 

- she loves it when her big sister gives her the time of day and laughs so easily for her.

- she is not pulling herself up yet (we haven't even had to lower her crib mattress!). She's very content just to watch all the activity around her, although I can tell now that she moves around effortlessly she's more motivated to do things.

- her "soother" is her two middle fingers on her right hand. If she's not getting what she wants right away, the fingers go in. Pretty cute!

- she's got a temper on her. She usually doesn't cry but if she gets offended about something, she lets you know!

- she loves being outside and doesn't even seem to mind the cold.

- she waves hello and bye bye

- she smiles at every single person she sees and everyone in response comments on how big her eyes are!

- she is happy happy happy!

There's probably much more that I could say but that's all I can think of right now. She's just one tiny ball of joy and delight. Every time I pick her up and she smiles at me I feel like the luckiest person in the world. 

Happy Birthday, baby girl!

Here's to many, many more!

Sick!

What a rollar coaster these last 2 weeks have been.

What started as a cold for Aviannah turned into a bad cough. She was diagnosed with a chest infection and inflamed tonsils and we were sent home with antibiotics. Over the next 5 days she did not get better. I was a wreck. We were barely sleeping and I just felt so helpless. She wasn't eating and was losing weight and she was just miserable. I didn't know what else to do for her. I took get back to the doctor on Thursday and this time they tested her oxygen levels which were low. Not low enough that it was noticeable but low enough that she wasn't expelling enough air which can cause problems. The doctor told me he was going to call the hospital and that they would likely send an ambulance for her. As soon as he left, I started crying. Partly because I was scared but mostly because I was so relieved. Finally someone was going to help her in ways that I couldn't.

We rode the ambulance to the ER which was actually pretty cool and waited a few hours in peds ER then she was admitted and we've been here for 2 and a half days now. We're going a bit stir crazy but honestly I'd way rather be here then at home. At least here if something goes wrong she gets ummeadiately attention and since we've been here she's improved a lot! Today she's been more agitated. The nurse comes in every few hours to take her temp (up the bum) and suck snot out of her nose, both of which she hates, so she has started crying everytime she sees them. She does not like her nasal canola and tries to pull it out but she's overall been so good!

John and I have also felt so well taken care of! My parents have been watching Cassidy and today she's going to John's parents for the night. We miss her terribly and we also think she has RSV too. She's been coughing since Wednesday and my mom said yesterday she was running around and then couldn't catch her breath for a few minutes. She keeps asking when we all get to be together again. I wish I could be in two places at once. My parents have also been bringing us food and this morning my dad came to sit with Avi and John and I drove out to Warman to get some more stuff. We got home to find Leesa, who is also sick, cleaning our house from top to bottom! I have not had time to give it a good clean since this awful sickness so that was such a blessing! It will be so nice to go home to a clean house. We've had family visit and countless people letting us know they are praying. We feel so loved. This very much feels like de ja vu from the hospital stay in Vegas, but better because we're home!

The biggest blessing by far though is our room. We have a very private room tucked away in a corner with no windows and a small door. We have a bathroom with a shower, a very comfy couch and a tv. I walked around the ward and checked out the other rooms and they are about half the size of ours with no privacy and many rooms have more then one patient in them. We got lucky to snag this one! We could get kicked out at anytime depending if there's a higher needs kid that comes in so we're enjoying it while we can!

If all goes well we can hopefully go home tomorrow! We love you all and are feeling the prayers!

10 Months

Here I am, posting another monthly update, shaking my head in disbelief. I can't believe our tiny little Aviannah is only 2 months shy of her 1st birthday!

Actually, I think she's very aware of the impending milestone because she sure seems to be determined to grow up these days. She's still not crawling (so close!) or pulling herself up but boy oh boy! I'll get to that in a second.

This month has been absolutely nuts. Christmas season is always busy, plus we had the added business (and bonus!) of working to finalize her adoption. Dec. 18 was the day she became a Letkeman, and ironically enough, it also was the day she decided to get sick. She got a horrible cough that kept getting worse and by the 21st we were so worried that we drove her in to RUH at 1 in the morning (so thankful for Auntie Leesa who stayed behind so we didn't have to drag a sleeping Cassidy in as well). Thankfully it was just viral but it took her quite a while to kick it. She basically didn't eat anything for 2 days which had me super worried but thankfully she liked Pedialyte so we were able to keep her hydrated. She was on the mend by Christmas time but it took a good 2 weeks for her to get back to her normal eating habits. I think this is the reason that she has stopped sleeping through the night. She's eating like a horse lately, and I'm guessing she's going through a growth spurt plus making up for the period that she was sick. Maybe I'm wrong on both accounts, but whatever the case she's not sleeping through the night anymore and it. sucks. Anyway, we survived Christmas and Aviannah survived her cough and we're all doing well now!

Aviannah, like I mentioned before, is determined to grow up. She has just recently started regularly holding her own bottle. She used to do it every once and a while but now she actually PREFERS to feed herself then have us feed her. What?? We have gotten into the habit of giving her a bottle before each nap time and bedtime (we also did that with Cassidy and she grew out of it, so here's hoping Avi will too!) and we're finding she eats way more this way then she did when we would feed her. Sometimes though, I just want to cuddle with her and give her her bottle. She will have none of it! Seriously, it's ridiculous! I tried just today and she fought and squirmed so much that I eventually gave up, laid her down and handed her the bottle and she was happy as could be. She also will not cuddle. She doesn't even sit still on my lap anymore. She is either reaching for something or trying to roll off. This kid does not sit still. If she's on the floor, she's moving. She's mastered using her arms to get her around without having to get her legs up under her and she uses that method or rolling to go where she wants. I can't believe how resistant she is to being held. She prefers to play on the floor then to sit on my lap and play. This change seemed to happen so fast and I'm not ready for it! Good grief, she's still my baby! Where does she get off thinking she doesn't need to sit with Mama anymore? (I am really really glad she's developing so well and enjoys her play, I am. But I miss cuddles.)

Her vocals seem to have exploded over the past month. She babbles constantly and it's the cutest thing! There's been quite a few times where we can tell she's trying to repeat what we're saying! She already says "Mama", "baba" (what we call her bottle) and "hey". I can tell she's trying to say "dada" too. I think we're going to have an early talker. She is a girl, after all!

Her hair is coming in nice, mostly on top. I got it into the tiniest ponytail last night and she didn't seem to mind at all! She still loves solids and is just starting to be able to handle things that aren't pureed. Up until a few days ago she would gag and puke on anything that wasn't baby food, but she's been doing good with little chunks of real food these last couple of days.
She cut her second tooth the other day and now has both bottom teeth. She can also stand unassisted if she has something to hold onto, like the couch or her exersaucer. She's getting really strong. The OT and PT were concerned that she wasn't using her left side as much as her right but just recently I've seen her start using both sides equally. She saw the OT and PT last week and they saw it as well and said that she's making great progress so that's great!

This is definitely my favorite age so far! I love how her personality is coming out more and more and how interactive she is. Seeing her interact with her world and discover new things is my favorite part of parenting. I remember marveling at how wonderful it was to watch Cassidy get so excited over a mud puddle, or a pinecone on the ground, or a plane in the sky. I love seeing the world through a child's eyes. It forces me to stop and appreciate things that I otherwise wouldn't have. I often think back to where Jesus says we must become like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven. I have a better understanding of what He means by that the more I watch my children grow. I love their sweet innocence and childish wonder.

That's all for now! Time for me to start thinking about birthday parties (sniff)

Happy New Year

Hello 2015!

This morning I mentioned on Facebook that this will be the first year since we got married in 2010 that we are not pursuing an adoption of any kind. I've been thinking on that some more and I really can't believe that we've been in the adoption trenches for 4 years!
We got married in November 2010 and finished off that year just being newlyweds and adjusting to marriage. (I still feel like I'm adjusting to marriage, but I also still feel like a newlywed. Guess that's a good thing!)
Janurary 2011 we hit the ground running and applied to adopt domestically through Saskatchewan. We were not given much hope that anything would result of that, but we figured it was a good place to start. In February we heard of a pregnant young lady looking to give her baby up for adoption privately. Her parents were friends with John's parents so they passed on our names to her but we didn't think much of it, as our marriage was a bit of a struggle at that point. Actually our whole first year was pretty miserable, but that's another story for another time. We heard that she had a baby girl on March 30 and had decided to keep her. We figured that was the end of that.
The next few months we didn't actively pursue anything. We sold our trailer and moved to Warman which kept us busy enough. In the fall once we were settled in our new place, we started researching different countries that might be an option for us. We decided that even though it was outrageously expensive and a huge step, we would try to adopt from the United States. We got an application to an agency and began filling it out. It sat on our kitchen table for a few days and then on Nov. 20, exactly one week after our 1st wedding anniversary, we got a phone call. You know that baby I mentioned before? Turns out her mom had made the decision to give her up for adoption after all and we were one of the couples she was deciding between. (Sorry if you know this story, but I know I haven't blogged it before). One week later we met Cassidy Breanne Adele Boone. She was beautiful and perfect and I fell in love. That night we talked to her birth mom on the phone for quite a while and she decided to let us be Cassidy's parents.
Well...life just went nuts after that. December was madness with figuring out what the next steps were, getting baby items plus the usual busyness of Christmas. My aunt also passed away that month. Emotions were definitely running high. On Dec. 26 Cassidy came home. So 2011 started with an adoption application and ended with a baby!
2012 started with us as new parents. Cassidy transitioned into our home so nicely. I was worried that it would be hard on her since she was 9 months old but she did amazingly. We spent that next WHOLE year trying to get her adoption finalized. It was a long road with lots of bumps, some bigger then others, and it was stressful to say the least. Her birth family still wanted to maintain a relationship with her and I struggled with trying to respect that and intense fear that they were going to take her away from us. My heart was in agony. On one hand I was overjoyed that I finally got to be someone's Mommy and on the other hand I was scared it wasn't going to last. 2012 came and went and Cassidy still was not a Letkeman.
I had high hopes for 2013 and thankfully, our prayers were answered and in March the adoption went through. Relief does not even begin to describe how we felt. We had already decided that once her adoption was done, we were moving full speed ahead into adoption #2. I was terrified. Cassidy's adoption had really done a number on me and I didn't know if I could handle another one like that. But we didn't want an only child. So I gave it to God and in July we pulled out that application from 2011 and started down the road of international adoption. This story you know, if you've been reading my blog. We ended 2013 on the wait list and 2014 was dubbed the Year of the Baby.
2014 lived up to that title and Aviannah came home in June. We spent the rest of the year having monthly visits with our social worker and the year ended with her adoption getting finalized.
So...that brings us to 2015! Just recapping all that has me exhausted! So what now? I have no idea. I'm relieved that we are not currently in the adoption process. I need a break. I am in love with my girls and I can't imagine our family any different then it is right now. When we first brought Avi home I thought I would never want to adopt again. I was so done, but already my heart has been softening to the idea. We've decided that we're not going to pursue anything for the next couple years unless God tells us otherwise. If he drops another baby into our laps Cassidy-style, fantastic! If not, fantastic.

I have grown to love not knowing what's around the next corner in life. It forces me to trust God and to let go. It makes life more interesting and I always love a good surprise! I also love the fresh start of a new year. I know that January 1st is just another day and God gives fresh starts every day but there's just something about looking back and reflecting on the year gone by and seeing a whole new year in front of you, full of promise. I have no idea what lies ahead but I can be excited about it and here's why- I walk with a God who never changes. He was the same last year as He is this year. Nothing in life is certain except Jesus. And that's why I can walk into a new year unafraid. Whatever this year brings, whether joy or sorrow, I know that I am God's child and He is my Savior and that will always be enough for me.

Hello 2015!

The End.

Dec 18, 2014- one for the books! The day we closed the book on adoption #2!

Apparently our agency is different then most because our social worker said with all other adoptions that are finalized after placement, the judge meets with the lawyer in his/her chambers and the parents don't need to be present. For ours, they required that John, I and our social worker all be present in one place together and talk with the judge over the phone. The date was set for Dec. 18 at 11:30 our time (9:30 their time).

Our social worker works at RUH so this morning we met her over there, got some coffee and sat down and waited for the phone to ring. And waited. And waited. I was told to expect a small delay but after a half hour I was starting to feel a bit panicky. Finally the phone rang, but it was our agency. She said that we were the 17th case that morning and the judge was running way behind (apparently she is a bit long-winded!) She said to expect up to an hour of delays. So we went and got lunch and wandered around the new health sciences building. Thankfully our social worker had a slow day and had no problem waiting around with us (amazing lady, she is!)

Finally, at 1:20, the phone rang from Las Vegas. The call took about 10 minutes in total and it was actually really fun! They made us all raise our right hand and swore us in over the phone. I held my hand over my mouth so they wouldn't hear me giggling. How could they really tell if we were actually raising our hands? We all stated our full names and then the judge talked to John and I for a bit and then Michelle, asking her if she recommended the adoption going through. Then, those beautiful, beautiful words- "It is in the best interest of the child to be adopted by John and Mandi Letkeman," (or something like that, I don't remember exactly). There were rounds of congratulations and Merry Christmas and then they hung up and that was it! It all felt so surreal and I giggled some more and Michelle hugged us and then we all went our separate ways, John and Michelle back to work and I drove to my parents, picked up my baby and officially welcomed her to the family with lots of kisses.

The End.

2014, You Rocked

Only 15 days remain in the year 2014. I remember this time last year, as 2014 loomed ahead, fresh and full of promise. I dubbed it the Year of the Baby. We had just finished getting all our paperwork in and were waiting to hear when we'd be officially on the wait list. I had high hopes and dreams for 2014 and it did not disappoint!

Obviously, adopting Aviannah was the highlight of the year, but there were many other good memories, both good and bad, that I don't want to forget from 2014:

- John kicked off the year by turning 31. He's not into birthdays (whatever) but we did sneak in a birthday date.
-went skiing with a group from our church at Table Mountain. It was wickedly cold, but we made the best of it. A friend and I also tried tubing, and were lucky to walk away with no serious injuries (most intense tubing hill EVER!)
-celebrated Cassidy's 3rd birthday with a small get together with family. 
- went to visit baby sheep, pigs and chicks at a family friend's farm. Cassidy loved it.
- in May we got THE CALL, followed by the busiest week ever making travel arrangements, and then a 4 week trip in Las Vegas! 
- enjoyed an extended summer as our summer was just beginning when we got home.
- got to introduce Aviannah to my Grandma Doerksen, who passed away shortly after she met her. Her funeral was the most God honoring service I have ever attended. 
- I directed VBS at our church for the second time. It was busy, tiring and so much fun!
- spent my 27th birthday (August long) at the lake with my family. We had beautiful weather all weekend and the girls did so well! 
- weekend trip to Caronport for the Vanstone family reunion. 
- John and I went with a group from church to a Rider game in mid-August. We took a bus and had such a fun time (didn't hurt that the Rider's won!)
- Fall kicked off with piano lessons beginning up again and with Leesa moving in to our basement room!
- We attended two family weddings in the fall
- in mid-October I started babysitting Levi three days a week. I have really enjoyed having him and am already quite smitten with him!
- December has been surprisingly low key this year. Cassidy's church Christmas program was yesterday and we've been done our Christmas shopping for awhile now. We are enjoying this season and all that it brings.

That's all up till now. Even though there's only 15 days left in the year, they hold lots of excitement! In 3 days we "go" to court (via telephone) to finalize Aviannah's adoption, John's holidays begin next week and of course, there's Christmas gatherings and family time to look forward too! I can't wait!

I feel like I've grown so much this past year, in so many areas. My relationship with God is ever changing, day by day. It's hard to put into words the things He's been teaching me this past year. I think most of all, He's shown me just how much He can do when I hold out my hands before Him, let go of the things I love and want and just trust Him with it all. I still struggle with this, but it's a work in progress and it's amazing to see what He can do when we decide to let Him. Yesterday we went to an evening church service and sang the song "It Is Well." Even though I've sung the words to this song countless times, I was brought to tears at this verse: 
"My sin, oh the bliss of this glorious thought
My sin, not in part but the whole
Is nailed to the cross and I bear it no more
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, oh my soul!"
I can't say it any better then that. My only response is one of immense gratitude and praise to Jesus! Because anything I face in life, whether joy or sorrow, is possible when I remember what Jesus did on that cross for me. How can I do anything else but surrender my life to Him? 

Looking ahead to 2015, I don't have any specific dreams or goals like with last year. I want to keep learning how to be a better wife, mother and most of all a better servant for the gospel of Jesus. I'm excited to see what God has in store for our family! 2015, bring it on!!

9 Months

Time for another montly update! Here's what's new in Aviannah's world

- She weighs 14l bs and is 26 inches long. Tiny but feisty!

- She cut her first tooth last week! She was working on it for months so I'm happy it's finally made an appearance and it looks like another one is on it's way.

- She has mastered sitting, to the point where I feel like I can walk away and she'll be ok. She still falls over sometimes, but usually only if she's been sitting for awhile and has gotten tired

- She LOVES her solids! She eats 3-4 times a day and has tried a variety of different foods. It's great because we're finding she's needing less formula as she eats more solids (which means it lasts longer and we're not spending quite as much on it, that stuff is not cheap!) Yogurt is her favorite, she usually eats a whole container of it before bedtime

- She's started to make more sounds that sound like real words and not just baby babble. She can say "mama," but she only says it if she's upset. Not sure if that's a compliment or not! She also says something that sounds alot like "hey." I think she is trying to say hi because she always says it in response to us saying "Hi!" It's really cute!

- Her favorite games are peek-a-boo, patty cake and being thrown in the air. She also loves dancing and getting tickled.

- She is getting close to crawling. She can scooch around and I've seen her trying to get her legs underneath her so I'm thinking it won't be too long until she's mobile! Rolling is still her method of choice when wanting to get somewhere

Healthwise, she's also doing great. We saw her pediatrican last month and she was pleased with how she's doing.  She had a nasty cold last week, which really scared me. With her lungs being underdeveloped, we were warned to watch her very closely if she developed a cough. She had a bad cough with this cold but thanks to a humidifier and Vicks it only lasted a couple of days. I'm praying that she makes it through cold and flu season without any major problems.

We have been going to the Kinsmen Children's Centre once a month to see an occupational therapist and a physical therapist. They are keeping taps on her development and making sure she's on track for where she needs to be. With preemies, they always track by their adjusted age rather then their chronological age. Adjusted age is full term. Avi was 7 weeks early so they knock 7 weeks off her chronological age, meaning right now she is actually 7 months 1 week. We had our visit at KCC last week and they scored her on a bunch of things then charted it and she is exactly where she should be developmentally for her adjusted age. This was great to hear! It's hard not to compare her to other babies as she's getting to the age most babies are already crawling and standing, but I have to remind myself that even though we say she's 9 months, she's really only 7 months.

So that's really all for now! We're so excited to celebrate Christmas with her this year, and the icing on the cake is that by then, the adoption will be finalized and she'll be a Letkeman! What a great gift!