Consumed

John and I got to go out on a date last night for the first time since Aviannah joined our family. My sister came over to our house to babysit, and I have to admit, I was nervous about leaving Avi! She's still so little and fragile, and even though I completely trusted my sister with the girls, we almost took Avi with us. I'm sure glad we didn't! We had a wonderful time just the two of us. It's quite something, being able to have a conversation without any interruptions!

I've seen and heard of people who, once they have kids, become completely consumed with them. They pour every ounce of themselves into their children and then, once those children are grown, they fall apart. They literally don't know how to live without their kids beside them because they invested everything into them and nothing into themselves. I've also heard of couples who don't take time to invest in their marriage when their kids are young because they are too busy. I once heard someone say "Remember, you married your spouse, not your children." This comes back to my mind often and John and I are determined to make time for each other and continue to build into our marriage. Don't get me wrong, I plan to invest in my children's lives. Right now especially, they need me to supply all their needs, and supply I will. Being a mother is what God has called me to do right now, and I will do it to the best of my ability. 

But I will not be consumed with my kids. I will only be consumed with Jesus.

My biggest goal as a mother is to point my kids to Christ. Actions speak louder then words, and I want my actions to scream that Jesus is my Lord, that I can do nothing out of my own strength and that I lean on His grace and mercy every day. Lately we've found many moments with Cassidy to point her to Christ. The other night she had already been asleep for an hour and she woke up crying. John went in and later told me she was scared, so they prayed together. The next morning at breakfast she says to me "Mommy, I was scared last night." I asked what she was scared of. She said "Daddy prayed with me, and Jesus helped me." Another moment happened when our power went out the other day. She was concerned and I took the opportunity to say "Cassidy, let's pray to God that the power will come back on soon." So we prayed and about a half hour later, it came back on. Cassidy's face lit up and we thanked Jesus for answering our prayer. We've also started memorizing a verse a month with her. She has such a good memory, it didn't take long for her to learn the first one. We randomly ask her throughout the day to recite her verse, and she rattles it off. 

I know that once our girls are school age, they will be bombarded with all kinds of different influences, so I plan to speak Jesus into their little lives as often as I can, while I am one of the only influences in their life. I am hardly perfect. Lately I've been struggling with finding time to spend with God by myself. I feel like I fail Him every day. Yet, His mercies are new every morning and I cling to that promise. I also cling to the promise that if we "raise them up in the way they should go, they will not depart from it." 

The best thing I can do for my kids is to be consumed with Jesus and no one else.