Our Third Adoption Journey Part 1

 It's been a minute...is blogging still even a thing? I don't really care because I have a story to tell. It's one I've been meaning to tell for a while but I haven't been ready until now.  It's a story about our failed adoption.

In January 2018 (almost FIVE years ago??!), we announced on Facebook that we were beginning the adoption process for a third time. I posted a picture of the girls with Avi wearing a "Big Sister" shirt. That picture still makes me sad to look back on. I was definitely being presumptuous but I truly did feel certain that we would be expanding our family again. Leading up to this announcement we had met with a social worker about the possibility of fostering and were given the option to begin a home study towards an adoption. We began praying about it and I had one of those moments where God spoke so clearly to me that adoption was the path we should take. John was on the same page and we felt so in alignment as a trio. So I announced it on Facebook and we started the process.

Everything was going so smoothly at first. We took the courses we needed to take, both online and in person. We began meetings at our house with our social worker to start the home study process. We were meeting about once a month. In June everything came to a halt. Our social worker had some concerns about some methods of discipline we had used in the past and were not against, that the ministry felt we needed to be against, and our file came dangerously close to being closed. Our social worker, who really believed in us, fought for our file to remain open and it did, but we had to do a bunch of extra courses and basically change our opinion on this matter, and our file was put on a hold for 6 months. That was really hard. We felt so discouraged and a little bit discriminated against. We decided to take a break. We put aside all adoption related things for about half a year. Then we picked it back up and did the extra work that was asked of us and around mid 2019, we got the process going again.

This time, things did not move as quickly. Due to under staffing, our social worker had a very full plate and was not able to meet with us as often as before. The home study process became so dragged out. We felt like she kept going over and over the same things and that we were making no progress. It was extremely frustrating and discouraging. We almost quit so many times. The interesting thing was, we never both felt like quitting at the same time. When one of us was feeling low, the other one was feeling more certain then ever that God still wanted us to do this and would encourage the other person, and we would keep going. During this time, God really brought us closer as a couple. We felt so many spiritual attacks, which just gave us more determination that we were doing what God wanted us to do. We really had to rely on prayer and each other and while it was so difficult to walk through, now looking back I can see how pivotal it was in shaping our relationship, both with God and each other.

In February of 2020, we had our final visit! Our home study was done and all we needed to do was meet in person at the office in Saskatoon, review everything, and we would officially on the waiting list! We were so excited! Finally, we made it. We truly felt like we wouldn't be on the list for long and our baby would be home with us. I don't think I need to tell you what happened next...

The world shut down and once everything, the process stopped. No one knew where to go from there. We couldn't go meet in person to review our file so we just had to wait...again. I couldn't believe it, honestly. Why was this so hard? We still felt so strongly that this was God's will for us, so why were we hitting a wall again and again? In July, things had settled down a bit and we were able to go in and meet and we were on the wait list by the end of the month. Our social worker told us we were one of the best families she'd ever worked with and we were confident that we wouldn't be waiting long. John and I made a loose agreement with each other that we would give it a year, but there was no way it would take that long, right?

Covid definitely impacted the movement of kids from foster homes to permanent families. Things were moving slower then usual. As soon as we were on the wait list, we didn't hear a peep. I emailed our social worker about 6 months later, desperate for an update. I just wanted to know in general how things were moving. She didn't really give me a straight answer, she just said she knew the waiting was hard and to just keep waiting. Not helpful. In July of 2021, John brought up our agreement and I pushed back hard. I wasn't ready to close our file. I couldn't believe that our baby wasn't home yet and I couldn't imagine going through all that with nothing to show for it. John was ready to be done, but he didn't push me again. He could tell I wasn't there yet. We did both feel like it didn't hurt to keep our file open. Our life wasn't being daily impacted by this waiting so we kept on keeping on.

We did eventually start to have more conversations about the future. Our girls were getting older and the older they got, the less realistic it seemed to welcome a third child under the age of 3. I knew what we needed to do but still, I pushed back. We needed to close our file and this chapter of our lives. We needed to move forward as a forever family of four. People would often say things like "you are so blessed to have your two girls", and I know those comments came from a place of love, but they were so hurtful to me. Every single day I am very keenly aware of how lucky I am to have them. There's not a moment that I forget the journey to them. I didn't need to be reminded of that, but that didn't mean that what I was going through now, having to say goodbye to the death of a dream of a larger family, didn't matter and wasn't hard. I could be thankful for what I had while grieving what I didn't have. Those two feelings did, and still do, coexist in my heart. Finally though, I also arrived at the same place John had been for a while now. We did need closure. It was time.

To be continued...

Peace Out, 2020- A Year in Review

 Another year is coming to a close and 2020 was a nice, normal, non eventful year....

SAID NO ONE EVER.

In all seriousness, how do I even begin to recap this year? It's crazy to think that we are living out a truly historic time that will be written up in history books for decades to come. There has been so much negativity and division this year that I want to focus on the good moments in 2020. I can truly say that for our family, this year brought more good things than bad and for that I am grateful.

Highlights from 2020:

- the lockdown from March till June: this seems like a funny thing to list as a highlight but it honestly was my favorite time from this year. I ended up losing all my daycare families and became a homeschool mom. The girls and I spent every day together for two whole months, just the 3 of us, doing school, playing games and being creative with our time. It wasn't all roses, of course. Homeschooling was hard and I learned, as I had suspected, that the girls thrive in the school setting and homeschooling was not for them. But we did it, and we all learned a lot! Avi learned how to read, Cassidy made great strides in her spelling and mental math and I had so much fun learning alongside them. We really bonded during this time. I hadn't had this much one on one time with them since they were babies and it was really special.

Also, as a family this was such a special time. We spent the evenings either having family game night or family movie night. After the girls went to bed, John and I fell into a very comfortable routine. He played his computer game, I worked on a puzzle and we had The Office on in the background. We also got creative with at home date nights and made our own fancy meals together or ordered in from local restaurants. Our marriage really thrived this year. We hardly even had a disagreement and we really flourished with all the extended time spent together. 

All in all, a forced slowdown was exactly what we didn't know we needed. We were pretty busy pre-Covid and something that I'm taking away from all of this is that a slower lifestyle suits us much better. We were more engergized and more easygoing and relaxed. It was a very wonderful spring.

- Summer was another highlight. I started working again but just had a few families back. I worked straight through the summer and we had lots of fun playing outside and going on little adventures around Warman. We got to escape to the lake for a weekend, the girls and I took a trip to Sylvan Lake and the girls went with my parents to a cabin for a few days. It was a nice mix of adventure and relaxation.

- John and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in November. We had been planning on an all inclusive vacation to Mexico (thankfully we had not booked anything yet) and that trip being cancelled was the biggest disappointment of the year. Instead, we had a weekend staycation at a downtown hotel in Saskatoon and it was the most wonderful little getaway. We truly felt like tourist in our own city and being in our own city, we mostly just relaxed and recharged. We are still planning on that big vacation as soon as the quarantine period is lifted!

Other highlights:

- Aviannah and Cassidy turned 6 and 9 in March and finished Kindergarten and Grade 3 in June. They were able to return to school in September and both have amazing teachers and are really thriving being back in the school setting!

- We learned in August that Eric and Jill are having a baby in April 2021! We are all SO excited! This baby is going to be so loved!

- We finished our home study and officially got on the waiting list for our adoption in July. We pray every day that our 3rd child will come home soon! Here's hoping 2021 is finally the year we get to add to our family again.

Blessings from 2020:

- John never lost his job throughout the pandemic. Even though I did lose my job, I was able to collect CERB for two months. Financially, we remained stable and for that we are so grateful

-Health: I was super sick for the first 2 months of the year, right up until we learned about Covid. Looking back, I wonder if it was Covid that I had? Who knows. Since March, we've all stayed healthy. We had a mild cold at the end of August but other then that, we've been blessed with great health. Since starting daycare again in full force in September, we've had no sickness come through the house which is such a miracle! I'm praying this continues as we enter into the cold months of January and February.

-My daycare is busier then ever! All my families eventually came back and I have a few new ones starting in the new year. They are the most wonderful people to work for and I can't even believe that I get paid for spending my days with these fantastic little people.

-Our extended families are all happy and healthy as well.

I've saved the biggest highlight for last. If you follow me on social media, you'll know we undertook a major house renovation this year. It turned into a way bigger project then we originally intended. It all started with a desire to make our front door usable, and turned into a major overhaul inside and out. Once you start, it's hard to stop!! On the outside, we've literally changed everything. New siding, new windows and doors, new shingles, new exterior lights, plugs, mailbox and house numbers. On the inside, new paint on the main floor, new flooring in the living room and hallway, new furniture, new casings and baseboards, new light switch plates and plugs and new window seat. We contracted out the outdoor work but John has taken on all the indoor renos himself. He did a fantastic job and we are so pleased with our house. It feels like a brand new house! We plan to stay here for the foreseeable future and it's been such a gift turning this into our dream home. 

This year has definitely had it's hard moments. We are all feeling quite weary and drained from the toll this pandemic has taken on everything. Mentally, it has been quite exhausting and anxiety has crept up in me personally in some ways I haven't experienced in a long time. The fear and divisiveness this has all caused is so disheartening. I honestly have no idea what to expect in 2021, and I'm glad we don't know. God knows, and He is a good good Father, and that's all I need going into this next year. We are leaving 2020 stronger then  when we came in, closer as a family unit and stronger and more resilient as people. So goodbye 2020 and hello 2021!

Much love to you all.

And Now We Wait

I heard from our social worker the other day that we are officially registered and in the "waiting pool" as they call it. I had to tweak our family profile a bit and re-send that in and finally finally I am done everything from my end and...now we wait.

I'm finding this to be the weirdest waiting period out of our three adoptions. With Cassidy there wasn't a waiting period to get her, the whole thing was so surprising and unexpected. With her adoption, the wait happened once she was with us, the wait to get everything finalized. That took a lot longer then it should have but at least we had our girl home with us.
With Avi it was very similar to this one. We finished all our paperwork and were informed we were on the wait list, and waited until we got a phone call. That is exactly what will happen with this one as well. Our social worker will give us a call once we've been matched.
The HUGE difference between Avi's and this one is that with Avi we knew we were getting a newborn, so we could easily prepare for that. I feel like it was always on my mind because I was in a constant state of gathering baby items, setting up the nursery, etc. We were also super busy fundraising during that time so the adoption was very much the center of our lives.
This time there is nothing I can do to prepare because our age range is 0-3 and so there's no point in starting to gather items we might need because obviously a baby has different needs then a 3 year old and we won't know until we get the call what age this child will be, plus there is no fundraising necessary this time. 

My life is so hectic anyway that I feel like I often forget we are even in the midst of an adoption. But we could literally get a call any second that will change our lives. That is mind blowing to me. I know once we do get matched, everything is going to ramp up and it's going to be a mad rush to get everything together and this limbo right now feels so strange. I wish I could be preparing and setting up a room but it's pointless right now. 
I get crazy butterflies when I do think about it. We are just one phone call away from becoming a family of 5 (or 6!) My biggest prayer right now is that it happens sooner rather then later. This has been such a long process, it sure would be nice if this part didn't take too long. Your prayers for patience and peace are much appreciated! God willing, my next post on here will be introducing you to our new little one!!!

Big Update!!

I literally cannot stop smiling right now...

January 2018 is when we began the adoption process for kid #3 (as we lovingly refer to him/her when we pray for him/her). Everything started by moving along fairly quickly. By the end of January we had most of the documents in order that we needed and had almost completed our in class sessions. 

We started our visits to complete our mutual family assessment (MFA) and were able to meet pretty regularly, about once a month. In June the process came to a complete stop due to concerns from our worker's supervisor. We were told that we would likely not be able to proceed. Our worker told us that we are one of the best families she has ever worked with and she was going to do everything she could to advocate for us to keep moving forward. Thankfully our file was not closed and instead just put on hold for 6 months and we were tasked with some extra training and classes if we wanted to keep moving forward. 

We were so discouraged and frustrated. The reasons we were put on hold felt unfair. We decided to take a break. We left everything alone for a good 4-5 months, then we started to chip away at the extra tasks we'd been given. About mid 2019 we emailed our worker with our list of completed assignments and picked up from where we left off. She came for her next visit in July of 2019. We hadn't seen her in a year and a month. Unfortunately her workload was insane. The office was understaffed and overworked. We were at the bottom of her priority list, not by any fault of hers, that's just how it worked out. So we had one visit in July and the next one wasn't until fall, and the third one was February 2020.  Also, a bunch of our documents we had completed in January of 2018 had expired so we had to redo those. Our last visit where we completed the MFA was at the beginning of March 2020. She did a walk through of our home and said once she got everything typed and put together we could come in and sign off on our MFA and officially be on the wait list!

Then Covid 19 happened. Everything shut down. We communicated through email and our MFA was completed and ready for us to sign but that just wasn't possible because their offices were closed. So again, we waited. Honestly this was almost the hardest wait. We were so close! Things were finally moving quicker and then again, everything slammed to a halt. Last week we got an email from our worker saying that we could meet in her office to sign off on our MFA! With Saskatchewan entering Phase 3, they were allowed back in their building again.

Today was that day! This morning we met and went through our MFA (30 pages long!) and signed off. We had to sit across the room from our worker and it was so hard not to jump up and give her a hug. Her supervisor was in the office today and she is signing off on it this afternoon, then it gets sent to Regina to the Central Adoption Registry and by early next week, we should be registered and in the waiting pool! 

What a rollar coaster this has been! This adoption has felt like a fight every step of the way. Our worker even said we were admirable for sticking it out, she said not many people would be willing to go through all the hoops we had to go through. The truth is, I'm surprised we stuck it out too. I was ready to give up countless times, as was John. The thing was, whenever I was ready to give in, he pushed me through it and when he was feeling discouraged was when I was feeling persistent. I know this was not a coincidence. We have felt with everything in us that this is what God wants us to do. Even on the hardest days, we have been sure of this. I am so excited to meet this little one that God has picked out for us, because it has been a long road and we are more then ready to hold this child in our arms!

Please keep us in your prayers. We have no idea how long we will be waiting for. Our worker couldn't give us any kind of timeline because every situation is different. Also, because of Covid things are moving much slower. I'm just thankful that everything is out of our hands now and we can just sit back and wait for that phone call! I honestly can't believe that we are finally here. I have been guarding my heart and not fully letting myself believe that this is actually going to happen and now it's actually going to happen! There has been so much that God has taught me through this process (I could do a whole blog post on that alone) but the biggest thing is that His timing is perfect. One day we will look back on this and see that everything happened exactly how and when it was supposed to. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to us, and His nudge in our hearts to keep going, keep going, keep going.

Nothing Like A Pandemic to Get Me Blogging Again

It's been a year since I've wrote on here. I guess blogs aren't even really a "thing" anymore, but the time of life we are living through right now is so historic that I wanted to come on here and write down all my thoughts and feelings. I know I'll never forget this time, but details will become fuzzy and I want them recorded to look back on later. So this is really for me, but I have a feeling you might relate to most of this as well.

Today is April 2, 2020. When I look back to a month ago it is shocking how life has changed in every single way. I'm no stranger to how life can change in the blink of an eye, but it still isn't any less shocking when it happens. Our world is in the middle of a pandemic. Schools, churches, restaurants, hair salons, theaters, small business, shopping malls, playgrounds and more have closed. People are working from home. Parents are homeschooling their kids. We have been told to social distance and stay at home. We can't see our families, except over the internet. Borders are closed and travel is banned. Ironically, gas is cheaper then ever and we can't even go anywhere. 

So right now our life looks a lot different. I am not doing daycare right now. All of my families are at home with the kids and I'm not currently needed. So I'm home with just my girls. We are loosely following a school schedule and waiting for the weather to get nicer. John is still going to work. He works by himself in the shop so he's not at a high risk of contracting or spreading the virus. His work has still been busy, thankfully. All our evening events are cancelled. I just flipped the calendar over to April yesterday and sadly took note of all the events written for the month. Kids club, swimming lessons, gymnastics, Easter, school break. These were all exciting things to look forward to and now it's all cancelled. 

The girls are handling everything remarkably well. We had a tough first week of adjustment but we've fallen into a good groove. I know they miss their teacher and their friends. We had signed Cassidy up for gymnastics after a year of her begging to take lessons and they were supposed to start in 2 weeks. I just got an email saying that the spring session has been cancelled. They can't even go to the park outside our back gate. It's a lot of disappointment for little girls to handle. It's a lot for even me to handle. For the most part, I'm not minding this slower pace of life, and then all of a sudden I find myself crying into my pillow, overcome with the seriousness of the situation. I miss my friends too. I'm sad that the girls can't see their grandparents. I miss church. I miss going out and not being afraid that everything I touch could potentially make me or someone else sick. I miss date nights and restaurants. 

Our situation is not dire at all. John is still working and I'm hoping to qualify for the emergency benefits they are rolling out next week. We have money in our savings. Financially, we will be just fine. Physically, we are fine. In fact, we've been healthier then we've been in a while. We also just really enjoy being together. I feel like our marriage has never been better. I can't remember the last time we've argued. The girls have their moments but we are having lots of good, intentional family time. We are still putting the girls to bed on time so we can have an evening. I've been enjoying doing puzzles while John plays on the computer and we watch The Office together. I also dug out a piano piece that I didn't have time to learn, because now I do! I am loving having nothing up every night. I hope we can look back on this time and agree that it was a special bonding time for our family. 

I've been going for a walk everyday, without fail. Even yesterday, when it was miserable and cold, I still went, just not for as long. Even 20 minutes outside, by myself, in the fresh air, does wonders for my mental health. John has been so understanding about how I need this time and usually takes on bedtime while I'm out walking. We've always been a good team and I feel like lately we've been a great team! I've also been making myself get up at 7:30 every morning. I typically get up at 7 to get ready before my first daycare kids arrive. Now I really don't have anything to get up for. The girls usually eat breakfast with John. I could very easily let them play or watch a show while I sleep in. I find that if I do that, my day is shot. I am not a morning person but once I'm up, the morning is my most productive time of day. So I've been keeping my morning routine the same. Get up, get dressed, make the bed, empty the dishwasher and have my breakfast and coffee. We start school at 9:00 and by then I usually have done all these things and am ready to go. I'm hoping this will make the transition back into normal life easier as well (whenever that happens!)

Overall, we are doing fine. My heart hurts for those who are really struggling during this time. I know how blessed we are. For lots of children, school is their only safe space. Many people are struggling financially. This virus is wrecking havoc on our economy. It will not be an easy recovery. I had a lot of anxiety about everything for the first week. I am slowly settling into our new normal with the mantra "One day at a time". That's all we can do, and that's all God asks of us. I've had the chorus of Because He Lives running through my head lately. I think the words could not be more perfect during this time

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living just because He lives!"

2020, you are proving to be quite the year so far! Thank goodness nothing surprises God! 

Life Update

The house is quiet, all the kids are either napping or in school and I just feel like writing. I really love writing. Did you know it's my secret dream to someday write a book? Not a novel, I don't have the brain creativity for that, but I would really like to write my life story down. Not that I think it'll get published, because who cares about my boring little corner of the world, but just for me, and my kids, and my grandkids because that feels special, and I love writing and God has done some pretty cool things in my life thus far and I'm fairly certain He's not finished with me yet. 

Anywho, in case you do actually like to read about my boring little life, here's a little life update. Maybe I should make this a monthly thing? Contrary to popular opinion, January actually went by super fast for me. For some reason, every year as soon as January is over I think "Phew, the worst is over. Spring is on the horizon." But alas, I always forget about February. Sneaky little February, it sounds so pleasant because it's a short month, and it's Valentine's Day month, yay for love and hearts and kisses, but February is BRUTAL. It always has been. In my memories on Facebook, every February someone is sick in this house. Avi ended up in the hospital with RSV in February 2015. And it's always cold. Like colder then January. And this year especially. I was telling John around Christmas time how this has been such an amazing winter and I could actually like winter if it was like this all the time. The weather was so mild, the kids would go out to play every day and I took the babies for afternoon walks, or I'd go myself in the evening and the hoarfrost was so dreamy and there really is a lot of fun things to do in the snow if it's nice enough. I was loving it! But yeah, reality check, winter sucks. It's been a hard couple of weeks. It's been too cold to go outside and everyone has been sick since literally February 1st. We've all taken turns with colds and then flu. All of us and all of my daycare kids and some of their parents as well have been struck down. I think we're finally (please) on the tail end of it and I'm really hoping for some warm(er) weather soon so they can get outside. Avi has really loved playing outside this winter and she's been super sad that she hasn't been able to go out lately. Her teacher takes them outside every afternoon at school if it's nice enough (what a saint!) and every day lately when I pick Avi up the first thing she says is how sad she is that they couldn't go outside. I find this so funny because last summer she much preferred to stay indoors, and would often play in the house by herself while the rest of us were in the yard. What a weird child! So we'll see how she is this summer. And she's the one that was born in Las Vegas, where it's always warm. I guess she was meant to be a Canadian girl! 

Apart from the weather and the sickness, we're doing good! I am loving doing daycare so much! I love that my girls get to meet and make new friends and I hope they look back on these days fondly, remembering all the chaos and love and laughter that filled the house when Mom was doing daycare. I love getting to know all these wonderful little people and to be a happy place for them to learn and play and grow. It was something I never thought I would end up doing, but I can see myself doing it for years to come. I always planned to go back to work once Avi was in school full time but now I think I might just keep doing daycare. It's also neat to see how God has always provided me with a child when I have a spot to fill and I have the most amazing families that I get to work for! They are the best and I feel so blessed. Up until now I've only been able to take as many kids as can fit in my vehicle since I have school drop offs and pick ups to do but next year Avi will be in Kindergarten and will ride the bus with Cassidy, so I won't have the need to drive anywhere so I can expand if I want which is also exciting. Especially in these last few weeks, it's been such a pain to have to bundle everyone up and be in and out the door all day so I'm looking forward to not having to do that next year. 

So 2019's been pretty good so far. Nothing too exciting on the horizon that we know about but life is always full of surprises! Right now I'm most looking forward to summer, road trips and not having to wear a jacket. 

What We've been Up to in 2018

In just a few days we'll be entering a new year once again! I love doing a yearly wrap up blog. I have the worst long term memory so even remembering what happened a few months ago is difficult for me but thanks to the wonder of social media, I was able to scroll back and look over the year 2018. As I was doing this, I kept smiling as I was reminded of things and have come to the conclusion that this really was a great year for our family! Sure we had some tough times, but the good definitely outweighed the bad this year and we made a lot of great memories, and also made some pretty big changes! 

2018 began with Cassidy halfway through Grade 1, Aviannah halfway through her first year of Pre-K, I was teaching piano and doing daycare for Levi, Luca and Theda and John was working at Woodstyles. We kind of kicked off 2018 with a bang by announcing that we were working towards another adoption. I'm not going into detail here, since I have gone into great detail in previous blog posts, but that has not panned out thus far. I would say that has definitely been the biggest disappointment of the year in some ways, and also a blessing in disguise in others. John and I have both learned so much through this experience and I truly feel we have become better parents because of it. Also, our marriage has gotten much stronger. I went through so many highs and lows during this process and John was a rock throughout it all. We drew strength from the Lord and from each other and we are better because of it. We've always had to work hard on our marriage, but something has clicked this year and we are finding it easier and easier. I'll touch more on that later, but this adoption experience definitely drew us closer together. Currently, we are waiting on our social worker to let us know what the next steps are, but the journey is far from over and we are still very much hoping that we can add to our family someday. 
Other then that, we had a pretty low key winter and spring. Our nephews stayed with us for a week in January and we had a blast with them. Cassidy played soccer again in the spring and did great! She improves every year. This coming year Avi wants to play too so we'll see how that goes! Both girls also did swimming lessons again. Unfortunately neither of them passed, so we'll try again next year. 
In March both girls celebrated birthdays. Aviannah turned 4 and Cassidy turned 7. We had fun celebrating with families all month long. Cassidy had a friends party where they baked and decorated cakes, it was so fun! Our rule is that on their 5th birthday they get to start having a friends party so this next year we'll be doing two of those! 

Our 2018 summer goes down as one of my favorite summers ever, not because we did anything extra special but we just made the most of every day and had blast! I had my last day with Levi at the end of June. I had been doing daycare for him for 3 and a half years, so it was definitely hard to say goodbye! We still get to see him fairly often and Aviannah prays for him every single night but we sure do miss having him around! I had Luca and Theda full time over the summer, and I made a plan that every day we would try to get out and do something fun and we definitely did! We were blessed with excellent weather and very few rainy days. I think the highlight for all of us was doing a park hop around Warman. Of course I had to pick the hottest day and we were all so sweaty and hot by the end of it but our goal was to hit up every park in Warman and we did all of them but one! I set a timer at each park, they would run and play and when I'd yell "Time's up!" they would all run back to the van, we'd guzzle water and drive off to the next park. It was seriously so much fun! We also went to my parents for a pool party a couple times, visited the spray park, went frog catching, ate ice cream and had lots of picnics. We also tried something new, geocaching! It was so much fun! We had one especially eventful day when we went geocaching down some back roads and I ended up getting us stuck in the ditch. My father in law came to our rescue, but while we waited the kids kept saying "I think we're going to die out here," LOL! 
I also took two weeks of holidays during the summer. We drove out to Sylvan Lake for a family reunion with my mom's extended family. We rented a house and all stayed together and spent the day at the beach and played games and had such a great time together. On the way home, John and I took a detour through Calgary and took the girls to Calaway Park. This was my favorite day of the summer by far. It started out scorching hot. The girls were the perfect age for the rides and we spent all morning riding as many as we could. We applied and reapplied sunscreeen, drank our weight in water and kept going. Halfway through the afternoon, as we were just exiting a ride, out of nowhere the wind picked up, dark clouds rolled in and it started pouring rain. As we ran for shelter, the rain turned into hail. Large hail. We made it underneath this tiny awning and we huddled there with about 30 other people as it hailed and hailed and hailed. It just kept coming and we were shivering and barely managing to avoid being hit. Kids were screaming and crying, and adults had their phones out to take videos. I have never seen hail that bad before. I told John it felt like we were in the apocalypse! By the time it finished, the ground was covered and it looked like we had just gotten a dump of snow. We made a dash for the nearest store in the midst of it, which happened to be a candy store. We bought the girls some candy while we waited out the rest of it. Most everybody left but we had some rides we hadn't done yet and were hopeful they would reopen. We wandered around while we waited and we did still get to do a few more rides before closing. It was a very memorable experience! Our girls were such troopers! They didn't cry or get scared, they just took everything in stride. The last time we did a fun family outing in Calgary (the zoo) we got caught in a massive thunderstorm. Apparently we have bad luck in Calgary! It makes for a fun memory! 
Other highlights of the summer- Leesa and I went to a Rider game in Regina (they lost, boo), we went camping as a family at Pike Lake, we went to see a friend's band play at Ribfest, the girls went to a day camp at a local seniors home and how could I forget, Cassidy went to her first overnight camp at Redberry Bible Camp! She went for one night and two days and had the best time. This summer she's going to try going for a whole week! 

Fall brought quite a few big changes for our family. Cassidy started Grade 2 and Aviannah started her second year of Pre-K. Luca and Theda moved on from my daycare so we had to say goodbye again. Even though I only had them for a year, they are dearly missed and we all grew to love them greatly. I took on two new girls in September, Sloane and Elizabeth. They were both 15 months when they started, only 2 days apart. It was quite an adjustment but everyone has settled in nicely and I am loving the change! It had been awhile since I'd had babies around so it's been a big change. They have become such good little friends and I can't quit squeezing and kissing them! The biggest change of the year, for me, was making the decision to quit teaching piano. It was something I agonized about for a long time, but I'm happy to report that it was the best decision I could've made. I have loved all my students, and I miss them, but it had freed up two evenings a week and I can't even explain how life changing that has been, not just for me but for all of us. John and I are both thriving because of it, both personally and as a couple. We've been able to make so much more time for each other and that's been huge for our marriage. I mentioned above that our marriage has never been better, and I know that me being able to free up these evenings has been a huge part of that. As a mother, I'm also able to spend the evenings with my girls. I've started teaching Cassidy piano, and I get to do her reading with her each night and help put them to bed. It's just been awesome and I have no regrets. 

This is getting to be a long post, this is why I need to blog more I guess! But I can't not talk about the H.I.G.H.L.I.G.H.T of the year which was, hands down, going to England! Thanks to John's very generous family for taking our girls, we spent 10 days on the trip of a lifetime! We had just the best time. It was strangely relaxing, even though we were go go go every single day. I kept saying to John it was so weird that I wasn't tired, even though we were so busy, and I realized that my mental energy was completely freed up because I didn't have to think about a single other person other then myself. As a mom, I don't ever get that luxury and man, it was nice to experience that for a short while. Of course I was glad to return home to my girls, and I sure felt the mom guilt hard for leaving them on the days leading up to the trip, but while I was there I was able to not worry about them or think about them (too much) and it was a just a much needed break. What's surprised me is how much we both miss England. I always go through a trip withdrawl when we get back from somewhere. John is not a traveler and if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't go anywhere so it more surprised me that he really misses it! Every time we mention England, we both get a little sad and feel the ache. We have both decided that we definitely want to go back to Europe one day. England did not satisfy my desire to see Europe, it intensified it! It was magical and perfect and beautiful and I'm so so so grateful we got to go. We really didn't think it would be an option at first, but when our adoption was put on hold, we looked at each other and said "We're going!" It was really good for me to having something good like that come out of something painful. 

In November we celebrated our 8th anniversary and we just spent a wonderful Christmas with both our families. Both Leesa and Eric came home and we had lots of good family time. I don't usually set goals for the new year or have a word or make resolutions other then to keep seeking the Lord, seeking His will for my life and being intentional about going deeper in my relationship with Him. I love the feeling of a fresh start. I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store. I am reminded once again how good God is, and I'm thankful for His ongoing faithfulness to me, even though I don't deserve it. 
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and here's to 2019!