I heard from our social worker the other day that we are officially registered and in the "waiting pool" as they call it. I had to tweak our family profile a bit and re-send that in and finally finally I am done everything from my end and...now we wait.
I'm finding this to be the weirdest waiting period out of our three adoptions. With Cassidy there wasn't a waiting period to get her, the whole thing was so surprising and unexpected. With her adoption, the wait happened once she was with us, the wait to get everything finalized. That took a lot longer then it should have but at least we had our girl home with us.
With Avi it was very similar to this one. We finished all our paperwork and were informed we were on the wait list, and waited until we got a phone call. That is exactly what will happen with this one as well. Our social worker will give us a call once we've been matched.
The HUGE difference between Avi's and this one is that with Avi we knew we were getting a newborn, so we could easily prepare for that. I feel like it was always on my mind because I was in a constant state of gathering baby items, setting up the nursery, etc. We were also super busy fundraising during that time so the adoption was very much the center of our lives.
This time there is nothing I can do to prepare because our age range is 0-3 and so there's no point in starting to gather items we might need because obviously a baby has different needs then a 3 year old and we won't know until we get the call what age this child will be, plus there is no fundraising necessary this time.
My life is so hectic anyway that I feel like I often forget we are even in the midst of an adoption. But we could literally get a call any second that will change our lives. That is mind blowing to me. I know once we do get matched, everything is going to ramp up and it's going to be a mad rush to get everything together and this limbo right now feels so strange. I wish I could be preparing and setting up a room but it's pointless right now.
I get crazy butterflies when I do think about it. We are just one phone call away from becoming a family of 5 (or 6!) My biggest prayer right now is that it happens sooner rather then later. This has been such a long process, it sure would be nice if this part didn't take too long. Your prayers for patience and peace are much appreciated! God willing, my next post on here will be introducing you to our new little one!!!
Thursday, 2 July 2020
Friday, 12 June 2020
Big Update!!
I literally cannot stop smiling right now...
January 2018 is when we began the adoption process for kid #3 (as we lovingly refer to him/her when we pray for him/her). Everything started by moving along fairly quickly. By the end of January we had most of the documents in order that we needed and had almost completed our in class sessions.
We started our visits to complete our mutual family assessment (MFA) and were able to meet pretty regularly, about once a month. In June the process came to a complete stop due to concerns from our worker's supervisor. We were told that we would likely not be able to proceed. Our worker told us that we are one of the best families she has ever worked with and she was going to do everything she could to advocate for us to keep moving forward. Thankfully our file was not closed and instead just put on hold for 6 months and we were tasked with some extra training and classes if we wanted to keep moving forward.
We were so discouraged and frustrated. The reasons we were put on hold felt unfair. We decided to take a break. We left everything alone for a good 4-5 months, then we started to chip away at the extra tasks we'd been given. About mid 2019 we emailed our worker with our list of completed assignments and picked up from where we left off. She came for her next visit in July of 2019. We hadn't seen her in a year and a month. Unfortunately her workload was insane. The office was understaffed and overworked. We were at the bottom of her priority list, not by any fault of hers, that's just how it worked out. So we had one visit in July and the next one wasn't until fall, and the third one was February 2020. Also, a bunch of our documents we had completed in January of 2018 had expired so we had to redo those. Our last visit where we completed the MFA was at the beginning of March 2020. She did a walk through of our home and said once she got everything typed and put together we could come in and sign off on our MFA and officially be on the wait list!
Then Covid 19 happened. Everything shut down. We communicated through email and our MFA was completed and ready for us to sign but that just wasn't possible because their offices were closed. So again, we waited. Honestly this was almost the hardest wait. We were so close! Things were finally moving quicker and then again, everything slammed to a halt. Last week we got an email from our worker saying that we could meet in her office to sign off on our MFA! With Saskatchewan entering Phase 3, they were allowed back in their building again.
Today was that day! This morning we met and went through our MFA (30 pages long!) and signed off. We had to sit across the room from our worker and it was so hard not to jump up and give her a hug. Her supervisor was in the office today and she is signing off on it this afternoon, then it gets sent to Regina to the Central Adoption Registry and by early next week, we should be registered and in the waiting pool!
What a rollar coaster this has been! This adoption has felt like a fight every step of the way. Our worker even said we were admirable for sticking it out, she said not many people would be willing to go through all the hoops we had to go through. The truth is, I'm surprised we stuck it out too. I was ready to give up countless times, as was John. The thing was, whenever I was ready to give in, he pushed me through it and when he was feeling discouraged was when I was feeling persistent. I know this was not a coincidence. We have felt with everything in us that this is what God wants us to do. Even on the hardest days, we have been sure of this. I am so excited to meet this little one that God has picked out for us, because it has been a long road and we are more then ready to hold this child in our arms!
Please keep us in your prayers. We have no idea how long we will be waiting for. Our worker couldn't give us any kind of timeline because every situation is different. Also, because of Covid things are moving much slower. I'm just thankful that everything is out of our hands now and we can just sit back and wait for that phone call! I honestly can't believe that we are finally here. I have been guarding my heart and not fully letting myself believe that this is actually going to happen and now it's actually going to happen! There has been so much that God has taught me through this process (I could do a whole blog post on that alone) but the biggest thing is that His timing is perfect. One day we will look back on this and see that everything happened exactly how and when it was supposed to. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to us, and His nudge in our hearts to keep going, keep going, keep going.
Thursday, 2 April 2020
Nothing Like A Pandemic to Get Me Blogging Again
It's been a year since I've wrote on here. I guess blogs aren't even really a "thing" anymore, but the time of life we are living through right now is so historic that I wanted to come on here and write down all my thoughts and feelings. I know I'll never forget this time, but details will become fuzzy and I want them recorded to look back on later. So this is really for me, but I have a feeling you might relate to most of this as well.
Today is April 2, 2020. When I look back to a month ago it is shocking how life has changed in every single way. I'm no stranger to how life can change in the blink of an eye, but it still isn't any less shocking when it happens. Our world is in the middle of a pandemic. Schools, churches, restaurants, hair salons, theaters, small business, shopping malls, playgrounds and more have closed. People are working from home. Parents are homeschooling their kids. We have been told to social distance and stay at home. We can't see our families, except over the internet. Borders are closed and travel is banned. Ironically, gas is cheaper then ever and we can't even go anywhere.
So right now our life looks a lot different. I am not doing daycare right now. All of my families are at home with the kids and I'm not currently needed. So I'm home with just my girls. We are loosely following a school schedule and waiting for the weather to get nicer. John is still going to work. He works by himself in the shop so he's not at a high risk of contracting or spreading the virus. His work has still been busy, thankfully. All our evening events are cancelled. I just flipped the calendar over to April yesterday and sadly took note of all the events written for the month. Kids club, swimming lessons, gymnastics, Easter, school break. These were all exciting things to look forward to and now it's all cancelled.
The girls are handling everything remarkably well. We had a tough first week of adjustment but we've fallen into a good groove. I know they miss their teacher and their friends. We had signed Cassidy up for gymnastics after a year of her begging to take lessons and they were supposed to start in 2 weeks. I just got an email saying that the spring session has been cancelled. They can't even go to the park outside our back gate. It's a lot of disappointment for little girls to handle. It's a lot for even me to handle. For the most part, I'm not minding this slower pace of life, and then all of a sudden I find myself crying into my pillow, overcome with the seriousness of the situation. I miss my friends too. I'm sad that the girls can't see their grandparents. I miss church. I miss going out and not being afraid that everything I touch could potentially make me or someone else sick. I miss date nights and restaurants.
Our situation is not dire at all. John is still working and I'm hoping to qualify for the emergency benefits they are rolling out next week. We have money in our savings. Financially, we will be just fine. Physically, we are fine. In fact, we've been healthier then we've been in a while. We also just really enjoy being together. I feel like our marriage has never been better. I can't remember the last time we've argued. The girls have their moments but we are having lots of good, intentional family time. We are still putting the girls to bed on time so we can have an evening. I've been enjoying doing puzzles while John plays on the computer and we watch The Office together. I also dug out a piano piece that I didn't have time to learn, because now I do! I am loving having nothing up every night. I hope we can look back on this time and agree that it was a special bonding time for our family.
I've been going for a walk everyday, without fail. Even yesterday, when it was miserable and cold, I still went, just not for as long. Even 20 minutes outside, by myself, in the fresh air, does wonders for my mental health. John has been so understanding about how I need this time and usually takes on bedtime while I'm out walking. We've always been a good team and I feel like lately we've been a great team! I've also been making myself get up at 7:30 every morning. I typically get up at 7 to get ready before my first daycare kids arrive. Now I really don't have anything to get up for. The girls usually eat breakfast with John. I could very easily let them play or watch a show while I sleep in. I find that if I do that, my day is shot. I am not a morning person but once I'm up, the morning is my most productive time of day. So I've been keeping my morning routine the same. Get up, get dressed, make the bed, empty the dishwasher and have my breakfast and coffee. We start school at 9:00 and by then I usually have done all these things and am ready to go. I'm hoping this will make the transition back into normal life easier as well (whenever that happens!)
Overall, we are doing fine. My heart hurts for those who are really struggling during this time. I know how blessed we are. For lots of children, school is their only safe space. Many people are struggling financially. This virus is wrecking havoc on our economy. It will not be an easy recovery. I had a lot of anxiety about everything for the first week. I am slowly settling into our new normal with the mantra "One day at a time". That's all we can do, and that's all God asks of us. I've had the chorus of Because He Lives running through my head lately. I think the words could not be more perfect during this time
"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives!"
2020, you are proving to be quite the year so far! Thank goodness nothing surprises God!
Tuesday, 12 February 2019
Life Update
The house is quiet, all the kids are either napping or in school and I just feel like writing. I really love writing. Did you know it's my secret dream to someday write a book? Not a novel, I don't have the brain creativity for that, but I would really like to write my life story down. Not that I think it'll get published, because who cares about my boring little corner of the world, but just for me, and my kids, and my grandkids because that feels special, and I love writing and God has done some pretty cool things in my life thus far and I'm fairly certain He's not finished with me yet.
Anywho, in case you do actually like to read about my boring little life, here's a little life update. Maybe I should make this a monthly thing? Contrary to popular opinion, January actually went by super fast for me. For some reason, every year as soon as January is over I think "Phew, the worst is over. Spring is on the horizon." But alas, I always forget about February. Sneaky little February, it sounds so pleasant because it's a short month, and it's Valentine's Day month, yay for love and hearts and kisses, but February is BRUTAL. It always has been. In my memories on Facebook, every February someone is sick in this house. Avi ended up in the hospital with RSV in February 2015. And it's always cold. Like colder then January. And this year especially. I was telling John around Christmas time how this has been such an amazing winter and I could actually like winter if it was like this all the time. The weather was so mild, the kids would go out to play every day and I took the babies for afternoon walks, or I'd go myself in the evening and the hoarfrost was so dreamy and there really is a lot of fun things to do in the snow if it's nice enough. I was loving it! But yeah, reality check, winter sucks. It's been a hard couple of weeks. It's been too cold to go outside and everyone has been sick since literally February 1st. We've all taken turns with colds and then flu. All of us and all of my daycare kids and some of their parents as well have been struck down. I think we're finally (please) on the tail end of it and I'm really hoping for some warm(er) weather soon so they can get outside. Avi has really loved playing outside this winter and she's been super sad that she hasn't been able to go out lately. Her teacher takes them outside every afternoon at school if it's nice enough (what a saint!) and every day lately when I pick Avi up the first thing she says is how sad she is that they couldn't go outside. I find this so funny because last summer she much preferred to stay indoors, and would often play in the house by herself while the rest of us were in the yard. What a weird child! So we'll see how she is this summer. And she's the one that was born in Las Vegas, where it's always warm. I guess she was meant to be a Canadian girl!
Apart from the weather and the sickness, we're doing good! I am loving doing daycare so much! I love that my girls get to meet and make new friends and I hope they look back on these days fondly, remembering all the chaos and love and laughter that filled the house when Mom was doing daycare. I love getting to know all these wonderful little people and to be a happy place for them to learn and play and grow. It was something I never thought I would end up doing, but I can see myself doing it for years to come. I always planned to go back to work once Avi was in school full time but now I think I might just keep doing daycare. It's also neat to see how God has always provided me with a child when I have a spot to fill and I have the most amazing families that I get to work for! They are the best and I feel so blessed. Up until now I've only been able to take as many kids as can fit in my vehicle since I have school drop offs and pick ups to do but next year Avi will be in Kindergarten and will ride the bus with Cassidy, so I won't have the need to drive anywhere so I can expand if I want which is also exciting. Especially in these last few weeks, it's been such a pain to have to bundle everyone up and be in and out the door all day so I'm looking forward to not having to do that next year.
So 2019's been pretty good so far. Nothing too exciting on the horizon that we know about but life is always full of surprises! Right now I'm most looking forward to summer, road trips and not having to wear a jacket.
Anywho, in case you do actually like to read about my boring little life, here's a little life update. Maybe I should make this a monthly thing? Contrary to popular opinion, January actually went by super fast for me. For some reason, every year as soon as January is over I think "Phew, the worst is over. Spring is on the horizon." But alas, I always forget about February. Sneaky little February, it sounds so pleasant because it's a short month, and it's Valentine's Day month, yay for love and hearts and kisses, but February is BRUTAL. It always has been. In my memories on Facebook, every February someone is sick in this house. Avi ended up in the hospital with RSV in February 2015. And it's always cold. Like colder then January. And this year especially. I was telling John around Christmas time how this has been such an amazing winter and I could actually like winter if it was like this all the time. The weather was so mild, the kids would go out to play every day and I took the babies for afternoon walks, or I'd go myself in the evening and the hoarfrost was so dreamy and there really is a lot of fun things to do in the snow if it's nice enough. I was loving it! But yeah, reality check, winter sucks. It's been a hard couple of weeks. It's been too cold to go outside and everyone has been sick since literally February 1st. We've all taken turns with colds and then flu. All of us and all of my daycare kids and some of their parents as well have been struck down. I think we're finally (please) on the tail end of it and I'm really hoping for some warm(er) weather soon so they can get outside. Avi has really loved playing outside this winter and she's been super sad that she hasn't been able to go out lately. Her teacher takes them outside every afternoon at school if it's nice enough (what a saint!) and every day lately when I pick Avi up the first thing she says is how sad she is that they couldn't go outside. I find this so funny because last summer she much preferred to stay indoors, and would often play in the house by herself while the rest of us were in the yard. What a weird child! So we'll see how she is this summer. And she's the one that was born in Las Vegas, where it's always warm. I guess she was meant to be a Canadian girl!
Apart from the weather and the sickness, we're doing good! I am loving doing daycare so much! I love that my girls get to meet and make new friends and I hope they look back on these days fondly, remembering all the chaos and love and laughter that filled the house when Mom was doing daycare. I love getting to know all these wonderful little people and to be a happy place for them to learn and play and grow. It was something I never thought I would end up doing, but I can see myself doing it for years to come. I always planned to go back to work once Avi was in school full time but now I think I might just keep doing daycare. It's also neat to see how God has always provided me with a child when I have a spot to fill and I have the most amazing families that I get to work for! They are the best and I feel so blessed. Up until now I've only been able to take as many kids as can fit in my vehicle since I have school drop offs and pick ups to do but next year Avi will be in Kindergarten and will ride the bus with Cassidy, so I won't have the need to drive anywhere so I can expand if I want which is also exciting. Especially in these last few weeks, it's been such a pain to have to bundle everyone up and be in and out the door all day so I'm looking forward to not having to do that next year.
So 2019's been pretty good so far. Nothing too exciting on the horizon that we know about but life is always full of surprises! Right now I'm most looking forward to summer, road trips and not having to wear a jacket.
Friday, 28 December 2018
What We've been Up to in 2018
In just a few days we'll be entering a new year once again! I love doing a yearly wrap up blog. I have the worst long term memory so even remembering what happened a few months ago is difficult for me but thanks to the wonder of social media, I was able to scroll back and look over the year 2018. As I was doing this, I kept smiling as I was reminded of things and have come to the conclusion that this really was a great year for our family! Sure we had some tough times, but the good definitely outweighed the bad this year and we made a lot of great memories, and also made some pretty big changes!
2018 began with Cassidy halfway through Grade 1, Aviannah halfway through her first year of Pre-K, I was teaching piano and doing daycare for Levi, Luca and Theda and John was working at Woodstyles. We kind of kicked off 2018 with a bang by announcing that we were working towards another adoption. I'm not going into detail here, since I have gone into great detail in previous blog posts, but that has not panned out thus far. I would say that has definitely been the biggest disappointment of the year in some ways, and also a blessing in disguise in others. John and I have both learned so much through this experience and I truly feel we have become better parents because of it. Also, our marriage has gotten much stronger. I went through so many highs and lows during this process and John was a rock throughout it all. We drew strength from the Lord and from each other and we are better because of it. We've always had to work hard on our marriage, but something has clicked this year and we are finding it easier and easier. I'll touch more on that later, but this adoption experience definitely drew us closer together. Currently, we are waiting on our social worker to let us know what the next steps are, but the journey is far from over and we are still very much hoping that we can add to our family someday.
Other then that, we had a pretty low key winter and spring. Our nephews stayed with us for a week in January and we had a blast with them. Cassidy played soccer again in the spring and did great! She improves every year. This coming year Avi wants to play too so we'll see how that goes! Both girls also did swimming lessons again. Unfortunately neither of them passed, so we'll try again next year.
In March both girls celebrated birthdays. Aviannah turned 4 and Cassidy turned 7. We had fun celebrating with families all month long. Cassidy had a friends party where they baked and decorated cakes, it was so fun! Our rule is that on their 5th birthday they get to start having a friends party so this next year we'll be doing two of those!
Our 2018 summer goes down as one of my favorite summers ever, not because we did anything extra special but we just made the most of every day and had blast! I had my last day with Levi at the end of June. I had been doing daycare for him for 3 and a half years, so it was definitely hard to say goodbye! We still get to see him fairly often and Aviannah prays for him every single night but we sure do miss having him around! I had Luca and Theda full time over the summer, and I made a plan that every day we would try to get out and do something fun and we definitely did! We were blessed with excellent weather and very few rainy days. I think the highlight for all of us was doing a park hop around Warman. Of course I had to pick the hottest day and we were all so sweaty and hot by the end of it but our goal was to hit up every park in Warman and we did all of them but one! I set a timer at each park, they would run and play and when I'd yell "Time's up!" they would all run back to the van, we'd guzzle water and drive off to the next park. It was seriously so much fun! We also went to my parents for a pool party a couple times, visited the spray park, went frog catching, ate ice cream and had lots of picnics. We also tried something new, geocaching! It was so much fun! We had one especially eventful day when we went geocaching down some back roads and I ended up getting us stuck in the ditch. My father in law came to our rescue, but while we waited the kids kept saying "I think we're going to die out here," LOL!
I also took two weeks of holidays during the summer. We drove out to Sylvan Lake for a family reunion with my mom's extended family. We rented a house and all stayed together and spent the day at the beach and played games and had such a great time together. On the way home, John and I took a detour through Calgary and took the girls to Calaway Park. This was my favorite day of the summer by far. It started out scorching hot. The girls were the perfect age for the rides and we spent all morning riding as many as we could. We applied and reapplied sunscreeen, drank our weight in water and kept going. Halfway through the afternoon, as we were just exiting a ride, out of nowhere the wind picked up, dark clouds rolled in and it started pouring rain. As we ran for shelter, the rain turned into hail. Large hail. We made it underneath this tiny awning and we huddled there with about 30 other people as it hailed and hailed and hailed. It just kept coming and we were shivering and barely managing to avoid being hit. Kids were screaming and crying, and adults had their phones out to take videos. I have never seen hail that bad before. I told John it felt like we were in the apocalypse! By the time it finished, the ground was covered and it looked like we had just gotten a dump of snow. We made a dash for the nearest store in the midst of it, which happened to be a candy store. We bought the girls some candy while we waited out the rest of it. Most everybody left but we had some rides we hadn't done yet and were hopeful they would reopen. We wandered around while we waited and we did still get to do a few more rides before closing. It was a very memorable experience! Our girls were such troopers! They didn't cry or get scared, they just took everything in stride. The last time we did a fun family outing in Calgary (the zoo) we got caught in a massive thunderstorm. Apparently we have bad luck in Calgary! It makes for a fun memory!
Other highlights of the summer- Leesa and I went to a Rider game in Regina (they lost, boo), we went camping as a family at Pike Lake, we went to see a friend's band play at Ribfest, the girls went to a day camp at a local seniors home and how could I forget, Cassidy went to her first overnight camp at Redberry Bible Camp! She went for one night and two days and had the best time. This summer she's going to try going for a whole week!
Fall brought quite a few big changes for our family. Cassidy started Grade 2 and Aviannah started her second year of Pre-K. Luca and Theda moved on from my daycare so we had to say goodbye again. Even though I only had them for a year, they are dearly missed and we all grew to love them greatly. I took on two new girls in September, Sloane and Elizabeth. They were both 15 months when they started, only 2 days apart. It was quite an adjustment but everyone has settled in nicely and I am loving the change! It had been awhile since I'd had babies around so it's been a big change. They have become such good little friends and I can't quit squeezing and kissing them! The biggest change of the year, for me, was making the decision to quit teaching piano. It was something I agonized about for a long time, but I'm happy to report that it was the best decision I could've made. I have loved all my students, and I miss them, but it had freed up two evenings a week and I can't even explain how life changing that has been, not just for me but for all of us. John and I are both thriving because of it, both personally and as a couple. We've been able to make so much more time for each other and that's been huge for our marriage. I mentioned above that our marriage has never been better, and I know that me being able to free up these evenings has been a huge part of that. As a mother, I'm also able to spend the evenings with my girls. I've started teaching Cassidy piano, and I get to do her reading with her each night and help put them to bed. It's just been awesome and I have no regrets.
This is getting to be a long post, this is why I need to blog more I guess! But I can't not talk about the H.I.G.H.L.I.G.H.T of the year which was, hands down, going to England! Thanks to John's very generous family for taking our girls, we spent 10 days on the trip of a lifetime! We had just the best time. It was strangely relaxing, even though we were go go go every single day. I kept saying to John it was so weird that I wasn't tired, even though we were so busy, and I realized that my mental energy was completely freed up because I didn't have to think about a single other person other then myself. As a mom, I don't ever get that luxury and man, it was nice to experience that for a short while. Of course I was glad to return home to my girls, and I sure felt the mom guilt hard for leaving them on the days leading up to the trip, but while I was there I was able to not worry about them or think about them (too much) and it was a just a much needed break. What's surprised me is how much we both miss England. I always go through a trip withdrawl when we get back from somewhere. John is not a traveler and if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't go anywhere so it more surprised me that he really misses it! Every time we mention England, we both get a little sad and feel the ache. We have both decided that we definitely want to go back to Europe one day. England did not satisfy my desire to see Europe, it intensified it! It was magical and perfect and beautiful and I'm so so so grateful we got to go. We really didn't think it would be an option at first, but when our adoption was put on hold, we looked at each other and said "We're going!" It was really good for me to having something good like that come out of something painful.
In November we celebrated our 8th anniversary and we just spent a wonderful Christmas with both our families. Both Leesa and Eric came home and we had lots of good family time. I don't usually set goals for the new year or have a word or make resolutions other then to keep seeking the Lord, seeking His will for my life and being intentional about going deeper in my relationship with Him. I love the feeling of a fresh start. I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store. I am reminded once again how good God is, and I'm thankful for His ongoing faithfulness to me, even though I don't deserve it.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and here's to 2019!
2018 began with Cassidy halfway through Grade 1, Aviannah halfway through her first year of Pre-K, I was teaching piano and doing daycare for Levi, Luca and Theda and John was working at Woodstyles. We kind of kicked off 2018 with a bang by announcing that we were working towards another adoption. I'm not going into detail here, since I have gone into great detail in previous blog posts, but that has not panned out thus far. I would say that has definitely been the biggest disappointment of the year in some ways, and also a blessing in disguise in others. John and I have both learned so much through this experience and I truly feel we have become better parents because of it. Also, our marriage has gotten much stronger. I went through so many highs and lows during this process and John was a rock throughout it all. We drew strength from the Lord and from each other and we are better because of it. We've always had to work hard on our marriage, but something has clicked this year and we are finding it easier and easier. I'll touch more on that later, but this adoption experience definitely drew us closer together. Currently, we are waiting on our social worker to let us know what the next steps are, but the journey is far from over and we are still very much hoping that we can add to our family someday.
Other then that, we had a pretty low key winter and spring. Our nephews stayed with us for a week in January and we had a blast with them. Cassidy played soccer again in the spring and did great! She improves every year. This coming year Avi wants to play too so we'll see how that goes! Both girls also did swimming lessons again. Unfortunately neither of them passed, so we'll try again next year.
In March both girls celebrated birthdays. Aviannah turned 4 and Cassidy turned 7. We had fun celebrating with families all month long. Cassidy had a friends party where they baked and decorated cakes, it was so fun! Our rule is that on their 5th birthday they get to start having a friends party so this next year we'll be doing two of those!
Our 2018 summer goes down as one of my favorite summers ever, not because we did anything extra special but we just made the most of every day and had blast! I had my last day with Levi at the end of June. I had been doing daycare for him for 3 and a half years, so it was definitely hard to say goodbye! We still get to see him fairly often and Aviannah prays for him every single night but we sure do miss having him around! I had Luca and Theda full time over the summer, and I made a plan that every day we would try to get out and do something fun and we definitely did! We were blessed with excellent weather and very few rainy days. I think the highlight for all of us was doing a park hop around Warman. Of course I had to pick the hottest day and we were all so sweaty and hot by the end of it but our goal was to hit up every park in Warman and we did all of them but one! I set a timer at each park, they would run and play and when I'd yell "Time's up!" they would all run back to the van, we'd guzzle water and drive off to the next park. It was seriously so much fun! We also went to my parents for a pool party a couple times, visited the spray park, went frog catching, ate ice cream and had lots of picnics. We also tried something new, geocaching! It was so much fun! We had one especially eventful day when we went geocaching down some back roads and I ended up getting us stuck in the ditch. My father in law came to our rescue, but while we waited the kids kept saying "I think we're going to die out here," LOL!
I also took two weeks of holidays during the summer. We drove out to Sylvan Lake for a family reunion with my mom's extended family. We rented a house and all stayed together and spent the day at the beach and played games and had such a great time together. On the way home, John and I took a detour through Calgary and took the girls to Calaway Park. This was my favorite day of the summer by far. It started out scorching hot. The girls were the perfect age for the rides and we spent all morning riding as many as we could. We applied and reapplied sunscreeen, drank our weight in water and kept going. Halfway through the afternoon, as we were just exiting a ride, out of nowhere the wind picked up, dark clouds rolled in and it started pouring rain. As we ran for shelter, the rain turned into hail. Large hail. We made it underneath this tiny awning and we huddled there with about 30 other people as it hailed and hailed and hailed. It just kept coming and we were shivering and barely managing to avoid being hit. Kids were screaming and crying, and adults had their phones out to take videos. I have never seen hail that bad before. I told John it felt like we were in the apocalypse! By the time it finished, the ground was covered and it looked like we had just gotten a dump of snow. We made a dash for the nearest store in the midst of it, which happened to be a candy store. We bought the girls some candy while we waited out the rest of it. Most everybody left but we had some rides we hadn't done yet and were hopeful they would reopen. We wandered around while we waited and we did still get to do a few more rides before closing. It was a very memorable experience! Our girls were such troopers! They didn't cry or get scared, they just took everything in stride. The last time we did a fun family outing in Calgary (the zoo) we got caught in a massive thunderstorm. Apparently we have bad luck in Calgary! It makes for a fun memory!
Other highlights of the summer- Leesa and I went to a Rider game in Regina (they lost, boo), we went camping as a family at Pike Lake, we went to see a friend's band play at Ribfest, the girls went to a day camp at a local seniors home and how could I forget, Cassidy went to her first overnight camp at Redberry Bible Camp! She went for one night and two days and had the best time. This summer she's going to try going for a whole week!
Fall brought quite a few big changes for our family. Cassidy started Grade 2 and Aviannah started her second year of Pre-K. Luca and Theda moved on from my daycare so we had to say goodbye again. Even though I only had them for a year, they are dearly missed and we all grew to love them greatly. I took on two new girls in September, Sloane and Elizabeth. They were both 15 months when they started, only 2 days apart. It was quite an adjustment but everyone has settled in nicely and I am loving the change! It had been awhile since I'd had babies around so it's been a big change. They have become such good little friends and I can't quit squeezing and kissing them! The biggest change of the year, for me, was making the decision to quit teaching piano. It was something I agonized about for a long time, but I'm happy to report that it was the best decision I could've made. I have loved all my students, and I miss them, but it had freed up two evenings a week and I can't even explain how life changing that has been, not just for me but for all of us. John and I are both thriving because of it, both personally and as a couple. We've been able to make so much more time for each other and that's been huge for our marriage. I mentioned above that our marriage has never been better, and I know that me being able to free up these evenings has been a huge part of that. As a mother, I'm also able to spend the evenings with my girls. I've started teaching Cassidy piano, and I get to do her reading with her each night and help put them to bed. It's just been awesome and I have no regrets.
This is getting to be a long post, this is why I need to blog more I guess! But I can't not talk about the H.I.G.H.L.I.G.H.T of the year which was, hands down, going to England! Thanks to John's very generous family for taking our girls, we spent 10 days on the trip of a lifetime! We had just the best time. It was strangely relaxing, even though we were go go go every single day. I kept saying to John it was so weird that I wasn't tired, even though we were so busy, and I realized that my mental energy was completely freed up because I didn't have to think about a single other person other then myself. As a mom, I don't ever get that luxury and man, it was nice to experience that for a short while. Of course I was glad to return home to my girls, and I sure felt the mom guilt hard for leaving them on the days leading up to the trip, but while I was there I was able to not worry about them or think about them (too much) and it was a just a much needed break. What's surprised me is how much we both miss England. I always go through a trip withdrawl when we get back from somewhere. John is not a traveler and if it wasn't for me, he probably wouldn't go anywhere so it more surprised me that he really misses it! Every time we mention England, we both get a little sad and feel the ache. We have both decided that we definitely want to go back to Europe one day. England did not satisfy my desire to see Europe, it intensified it! It was magical and perfect and beautiful and I'm so so so grateful we got to go. We really didn't think it would be an option at first, but when our adoption was put on hold, we looked at each other and said "We're going!" It was really good for me to having something good like that come out of something painful.
In November we celebrated our 8th anniversary and we just spent a wonderful Christmas with both our families. Both Leesa and Eric came home and we had lots of good family time. I don't usually set goals for the new year or have a word or make resolutions other then to keep seeking the Lord, seeking His will for my life and being intentional about going deeper in my relationship with Him. I love the feeling of a fresh start. I'm excited to see what 2019 has in store. I am reminded once again how good God is, and I'm thankful for His ongoing faithfulness to me, even though I don't deserve it.
Merry Christmas, Happy New Year and here's to 2019!
Thursday, 23 August 2018
Sending out an SOS
This might be as vulnerable as I've ever gotten on this blog, hang on...
I really actually do not want to be writing this. The last I posted on here was that our adoption has been put on hold and that we were going to enjoy the summer and take a break. Well, we have enjoyed our summer, it's been wonderful and gone by much too fast. I was expecting to feel ready to jump back in to working towards the adoption with renewed energy and determination after a month or so, and for sure by the time summer was over. And I just don't. Not even close. Truthfully, I feel even more defeated then I did when we were told our file was being put on hold.
I have no idea why I'm struggling so much with this. I have felt confused and conflicted. I was so excited at the start, but I think with our file being put on hold I was faced with the reality that there is a good chance this may not happen for us, and I feel like investing all this time and energy into something that might not happen is pointless. We've felt like the reason we have been put on hold is unfair and I've lost a lot of faith in the system all together. Yesterday I cried into John's shoulder and told him that I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to adopt again. It has been so hard. I know that we had such good experiences the first two times around and I know very well how hard adoption can be, and yet now that we are experiencing it for ourselves, it's harder then I ever imagined. The thing is, I know deep down in my heart that we are still supposed to do this. Even amidst the confusion and the struggle, to actually say no and move on feels wrong. So many people, family included, have said how perfect our family is the way it is, and I agree. I have struggled so much with my selfish desires of not wanting to grow our family because right now the girls are at wonderful stages that make everything easier. The world seems designed for a family of four. They are both potty trained, sleep through the night, don't need naps. They are both healthy. All of these seem like selfish reasons for not wanting to add to our family but I keep fixating on them.
John has also been struggling with the desire to keep going, but he actually feels more convinced then me that we need to do this. With our other adoptions we were both on the same page, yet I was always more excited then he was (that's just our personalities showing) so the fact that this is the other way around is different too. I trust him and I trust his instincts about it and I feel right now that that is the only thing keeping me from throwing in the towel all together. He has been so amazing through all this. I feel like I can't even put into words how confusing this is for me. John strongly believes that the devil is attacking us and I agree. Last night he made a very good point, which has prompted me to write this post. He said that maybe the reason we've been struggling so much is because we haven't let other people in and asked them to pray for us. I've asked you to pray in the past but in these past few months is when we've been struggling the most and we have not asked for help- at all. So, here I am, asking for help. Please pray for us. I don't even know how to ask you to pray, just pray. If you see me in person, don't bring it up unless I do. I don't really want to talk about it. I didn't even want to write about it. But I'm swallowing my pride because we need people alongside us to pray. We are exhausted and weary. I'm so very grateful for you all who love us and who pray for us, more then I can say.
I really actually do not want to be writing this. The last I posted on here was that our adoption has been put on hold and that we were going to enjoy the summer and take a break. Well, we have enjoyed our summer, it's been wonderful and gone by much too fast. I was expecting to feel ready to jump back in to working towards the adoption with renewed energy and determination after a month or so, and for sure by the time summer was over. And I just don't. Not even close. Truthfully, I feel even more defeated then I did when we were told our file was being put on hold.
I have no idea why I'm struggling so much with this. I have felt confused and conflicted. I was so excited at the start, but I think with our file being put on hold I was faced with the reality that there is a good chance this may not happen for us, and I feel like investing all this time and energy into something that might not happen is pointless. We've felt like the reason we have been put on hold is unfair and I've lost a lot of faith in the system all together. Yesterday I cried into John's shoulder and told him that I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to adopt again. It has been so hard. I know that we had such good experiences the first two times around and I know very well how hard adoption can be, and yet now that we are experiencing it for ourselves, it's harder then I ever imagined. The thing is, I know deep down in my heart that we are still supposed to do this. Even amidst the confusion and the struggle, to actually say no and move on feels wrong. So many people, family included, have said how perfect our family is the way it is, and I agree. I have struggled so much with my selfish desires of not wanting to grow our family because right now the girls are at wonderful stages that make everything easier. The world seems designed for a family of four. They are both potty trained, sleep through the night, don't need naps. They are both healthy. All of these seem like selfish reasons for not wanting to add to our family but I keep fixating on them.
John has also been struggling with the desire to keep going, but he actually feels more convinced then me that we need to do this. With our other adoptions we were both on the same page, yet I was always more excited then he was (that's just our personalities showing) so the fact that this is the other way around is different too. I trust him and I trust his instincts about it and I feel right now that that is the only thing keeping me from throwing in the towel all together. He has been so amazing through all this. I feel like I can't even put into words how confusing this is for me. John strongly believes that the devil is attacking us and I agree. Last night he made a very good point, which has prompted me to write this post. He said that maybe the reason we've been struggling so much is because we haven't let other people in and asked them to pray for us. I've asked you to pray in the past but in these past few months is when we've been struggling the most and we have not asked for help- at all. So, here I am, asking for help. Please pray for us. I don't even know how to ask you to pray, just pray. If you see me in person, don't bring it up unless I do. I don't really want to talk about it. I didn't even want to write about it. But I'm swallowing my pride because we need people alongside us to pray. We are exhausted and weary. I'm so very grateful for you all who love us and who pray for us, more then I can say.
Thursday, 21 June 2018
Adoption Update
I've been avoiding writing this post for a while now. Our adoption has been put on hold, for now. We had another meeting mid-May and our adoption worker and her supervisor had concerns about a specific thing from the past that I don't want to go into details on, so please don't ask, but this had not been an issue in our previous two home studies and for some reason, this time it was. I guess it all depends on who your worker is, but anyway, we were told our file was either going to be closed or put on hold. Despite this issue, our adoption worker thought we were one of the strongest families she's worked with and she told us she was going to advocate that our file be put on hold instead of closed. We waited a couple weeks before we found out that our file is being put on hold for 6 months. In the meantime, we have a few extra assignments to do, then once the 6 months is up, we can pick up from where we left off. That is the long and short of it, and that's all I want to say about it.
We are both feeling completely burnt out and done with it all. We don't feel like we want to continue, but we also know that if we don't, we will regret it in the future. Right now though, we are choosing to leave it be and rest this summer, then we'll get back to work on it. Our adoption worker says that we can take longer then 6 months if we need too as well, so we aren't going to rush things. We will probably start working on the extra stuff in a few months, but for now, a break is what we need. This has not been easy, but we both feel at peace and honestly, a little bit relieved. Our lives in general have just been over the top busy and the adoption process was really weighing on us, so we are choosing to see this as a blessing. We would still appreciate your prayers. I felt like I needed to give this update because you've all been following our journey and we really do need your prayers. Just prayers, not pity :) because it's not over, we've just hit a rather large snag, but we are still excited about the plans God has for our family.
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