Update #3

How is it the end of March already? Time for another update!

We are still chipping away at our home study. We were supposed to have our 3rd visit yesterday, but our adoption worker called the day before and had to reschedule...again... Another family she is working with got picked for a placement that day and she needed to be there. I totally understand that that is how her job goes and that is definitely a more pressing matter then our current state, but it still was disappointing and I felt pretty bummed the rest of the day. All of our visits so far have had to be rescheduled. I keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect. He's proven that again and again and I don't have to look very far to see it. With the other adoptions, I can see multiple examples of me wanting something to happen, it not happening, me wondering why, then after everything is said and done I completely understand. I know this is the same in this situation. He already knows our child. He knows when the perfect time will be for them to come home, and as much as I want it to be now, it's not. But that's ok. I am certainly getting more anxious to meet him/her (or them!) as time passes, though!

In other news though, we had an awesome answer to prayer this week! On the paperwork side of things, the only thing we were waiting on was our criminal checks and fingerprints. We got them done in January, then they had to be sent to Ottawa to be approved, then we were told we would receive them by mail and it should take up to 6 weeks. 6 weeks came and went. This week it's been almost 9 weeks. I was getting the mail yesterday, by myself with no kids, when I felt a nudge to go ask at the police station (just down the street) if they knew why the checks were taking so long. I honestly didn't think they'd be able to tell me anything, but I figured it didn't hurt to check, and I never don't have at least 1 child with me so it was the perfect time. I went in and asked. She said there isn't any way to check the status of where they are at once they've been sent off (which I figured) but she did say she'd check to make sure they were actually sent. So I waited a few minutes, she came back and said they had been sent away, and they should've been back by now, then she picked up a folder sitting right beside her, thumbed through it and said "Oh! Here they are!" Our completed criminal record checks were sitting in folder at the Warman RCMP, most likely for a while. She told me they call it the folder of silence because stuff just gets put in there and never seen again. I smiled and said thank you, even though inside I was extremely annoyed. But also I was very glad to have them and even more glad that I listened to that nudge (which of course, was God) and went in and asked. 

So, in conclusion, all of our paperwork for the homestudy is done! Our visit was rescheduled for this next Thursday and then we have one more visit after that, then our adoption worker will compile everything together and get us put on the list to wait to be matched! Thank you for your prayers, and a special thanks to those people who I asked specifically to pray for our criminal checks to come. We are one baby step closer to the end! 

Update #2

A few people lately have been asking where we are at in the adoption process and it's been a little over a month since I did a blog update so I figured I'd do another one, although honestly there isn't that much to update on!

We had our second visit with our adoption worker at the end of February. I guess they are under-staffed right now and there isn't money to hire new people so her workload is heavier then usual right now and she has a few urgent cases she is working on so we are a bit lower down on her priority list, which is why there's been so much time between visits. We were talking with another couple and they had weekly visits with their worker. Ours have been monthly. It's ok, it will all happen in time. The good news is that all we are waiting on is our fingerprints and criminal record checks and then we are done with the paperwork for the home study! We have another visit scheduled at the end of March, then we need one more visit and then we should be done our part. Our adoption worker will then compile all the information and make it into a profile for us to send to the Canadian Adoption Registry in Regina. So I really have no idea when that will be! 

We also attended another course at the end of February that was all about culture. 80% of the children in foster care are First Nations so it is very likely we will be adopting a First Nations child. This course was so informative on that aspect. We learned all about their history and culture and how we can incorporate their culture into our lives. It was very eye opening and helpful. I'm so grateful for how well we are being trained through this process. The paperwork side of it is easier, but we've had to take way more classes (online and in person) then with either of our other adoptions. It's been so so good. 

That's pretty much it for now. Thanks for your prayers and support!

Wednesday Night Thoughts

Today I posted a video of Avi on Facebook. I post lots of pictures and videos, but this one got a lot of attention today. She was singing a little song her Daddy made up for her. So many people said how they loved her little voice and how adorable and precious she is. I couldn't agree more. As I read the comments, I had two thoughts that came, one after the other. First, 'I can't believe she's mine. I'm so lucky' (this isn't rare, I have this thought multiple times, daily!) But this thought was immediately followed by 'I wish her birth parents could see her now'. This is also something that I think of often. With Cassidy, we have a relationship with her birth family. We are very close with two sets of grandparents and her birth mom and dad are friends with me on Facebook. They get to "see" Cassidy all the time. This is actually one of the main reasons I am so active with pictures and videos on Facebook, for their sake. I like that they get to get a glimpse into her life and watch her grow up. It makes my heart happy to know that they can still be a part of her life. With Avi though, it's different. We never met her birth parents, never even saw pictures of them. We know their names but that's about it. I've actually tried to find her birth mom online, but she has such a common name it would be an impossible feat. Plus, they are homeless. We can contact our agency if/when Avi wants to meet them one day and they will help us which is great, but for now there's an ache in my heart because we don't have a relationship with them. I often think 'They have no idea about anything in regards to Avi's life! They don't know what she looks like. They don't know that she's perfectly healthy. They don't know how incredibly hilarious she is. They don't know that she talks and talks to anyone who will listen and everyone who meets her is instantly charmed by her. They don't know, they don't know, they don't know.' 
Adoption is so mind blowing to me. I can't comprehend how something can be so incredibly beautiful and joyful and yet so devastatingly tragic all in one breath. Avi is one of our biggest joys. I literally cannot imagine my life without her in it. And yet, there's a woman out there who is living out that nightmare daily. Avi was the 5th child she gave up for adoption so maybe she was used to it by then, but I can't see how anyone could ever get used to it. I want to weep just thinking about how she birthed this beautiful, hilarious, precious little girl and yet she will miss her entire life, or at least her childhood. I know it was her choice, but it's hard to describe how sad that makes me. With Cassidy, I'm comforted by the fact that her birth mom gets to stay connected through technology. We have zero connections with Avi's family. We plan to visit Las Vegas in the near future and I would love to meet her birth parents. I have no idea how to go about arranging that, or if it would even be a good idea, but I just want to hug that woman. I want to hug her and tell her thank you, even though thank you doesn't even begin to cover the gratitude that I feel towards her. I want her to see that Avi is doing well, that she's happy and loved and thriving. I want to show her the millions of videos I have of Avi singing, dancing, and being silly. I want to know if Avi looks like her. And most of all, I want Avi to have the option to connect with her birth mom if she so chooses. 
Adoption is wonderful but adoption is sad too. That basically sums up how I'm feeling tonight, blessed yet a little bit broken for those wonderful people 24 hours away who don't get to see how miraculous our little girl is.