2022 in Review

 Here we are again, another year almost in the books! I love doing these yearly wrap ups more for me then anyone else. A good reminder of how faithful the Lord has been throughout the year

The absolute highlight of our whole year happened in the first month. John and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary back in November 2020. We planned for a big trip but obviously that didn't happen. Finally, in January 2022 we got that trip! We spent a week in Huatulco, Mexico at a beautiful, fancy schmancy resort. We will probably never stay somewhere that nice again so it was so fun to be completely spoiled for a week. It was absolute perfection and the perfect way to kick off a new year.

My parents stayed with the girls. Unfortunately, both girls got covid during our trip, as did my parents but they all recovered nicely. I also got covid a month later and it hit me a little harder but I made a full recovery fairly quickly and I'm so thankful for that.

March was birthday month. Both girls chose parties at home with friends and it was a crazy busy month but so fun! By then all covid restrictions had lifted and it felt so good to have a house full of their friends!

We also got a paper route in March! Cassidy and I currently do it together but the hope is for one day her and Avi to do it. It is quite a large route but mid summer we were blessed to randomly cross paths with some people we'd met once before, who happened to be moving to our side of town and whose son was looking for a paper route! We happily agreed to split our route and I've never been more glad for that then I have been on these cold winter days!

In April, my niece Kendra turned one and we went out to Sylvan Lake over Easter weekend to visit them. We had a great time!

In May the girls had their first ever piano recital! They've been taking lessons for a while now but this was the first time we could gather for a recital. They both did such a good job. They are still both taking lessons and loving it. They have their lessons at school which is super convienent. They also had a track and field day at the end of May. It's been so wonderful to have all of these events again after two years.

We kicked off summer vacation with family camp at Cypress Hills! We've been wanting to do a family camp for awhile and I was looking up different camps in the province and I realized there was one in Cypress Hills. We've also been wanting to visit there, as John had never been and I only went once as a kid. It was so so wonderful! We are already talking about going back next summer. Family camp was so fun and the setting is beyond gorgeous. I kept saying it felt like we were in BC. Cypress is truly a gem in our province. We added a few days on to tent after family camp and boy, that was interesting! It POURED rain the entire time we set up camp. It was a miserable experience but we put our heads down and did it with no arguing, so I'd call that a win! Thankfully it didn't rain the rest of our time there. We can look back and laugh now!

The rest of the summer we spent at home and it was a perfect mix of busy and relaxing. We had a family reunion on John's side, my siblings came out and we spent some time with them, we went to the fair, the girls had a lemonade stand, lots of park visits, and the girls spent two weeks doing swimming lessons in Martensville. Avi finally conquered her fear of going underwater and Cassidy passed her level and improved so much. Another highlight of the summer- both girls attended their own summer camps at Redberry. This was Cassidy's 4th year and the first time for Avi! She just did a two night camp but loved it!

Summer went by too fast, as it always does. The girls started grades 3 and 6 in September. I had a little bit of turnover in my daycare with some kids aging out and adding a new little guy to my crew! We also did something crazy and impulsive and got a puppy! The cutest, cuddliest labradoodle named Oscar. He's currently growing at a rapid rate and I'm kind of terrified of how big he'll end up being! He is such a good boy and we love him so much.

Fall has definitely been the hardest part of our year. Back to school also brought some crazy viruses. September and October were brutal. Every one of my daycare kids were sick, and not just a minor cold. The four of us also got sick in there too. It was mid November before we finally made it through a week of no sick kids. We seem to be over the worst of it (I hope!) and I'm praying for good health from here on out.

We also had quite a few unexpected house expenses which has been discouraging but those are the things that come with being a homeowner, and when it rains, it pours.

A bright spot in a difficult fall season was traveling to Vernon, BC to attend my cousin's wedding and celebrate my grandparent's 60th wedding anniversary! It was so wonderful to all be together and the weather was fabulous.

The worst part of this year was saying goodbye to Maya, our dog of 13 years. We put her down at the beginning of December. We all feel her absence and miss her very much. 

We are all looking forward to Christmas and time off from work and lots of good family time. A few things that are coming up next year are a trip to Vegas in April to show Avi where she was born (this has been in the works for quite awhile and we are all so excited!) and a job change for John! More about that at another time! My daycare is as busy as ever and I'm so thankful for these wonderful families I get to work for.

We are so thankful for good health, good friends and family and a good God! 

Our Third Adoption Journey Part 2

 ***Read Part 1 first or this won't make sense!***

Sometimes (a lot of the time), even though you know something is the right thing, that doesn't make it easy. I did eventually come to the place where I knew we needed to close our file. With one email to the social worker, it would be over. We needed that closure. Even though we were still living our life, there was always that possibility that we could get a call at any moment and our life would change. It was just a constant thought at the back of my mind. But I could not make myself write the dang email!! Every day I knew it was something I needed to do, something we both wanted to do, but I kept thinking what if? What if this is a mistake?

Time for another story- the story of the bunk bed. Early in the adoption process, when things were going smoothly, John built a bunk bed. A unique, gorgeous bed. This bed was in anticipation of a third child. Our girls weren't ready to move downstairs and we needed a way to put 3 kids in 2 bedrooms. So a bed was made, and used, and loved. Fast forward to a few months ago, when we knew the third kid wasn't coming but before I sent the email, we decided to sell the bunk bed. Avi was using it and had been asking for her old bed back so we sold it very quickly and it was gone within the week. 

I was still majorly struggling at that point. Struggling to come to terms with the death of my deepest desire. Little did I know, the physical act of the bed leaving the house was the beginning of my acceptance of our new reality. So many people commented on how sad it was that we got rid of the bed because it was so beautiful and John had put so much work in it, which is true, but my initial reaction was relief. I realized that bed was just a constant reminder of the child that would never sleep in it and having it gone allowed my heart to stop being reminded of what never would be and to move forward. It's so hard to explain and such a strange thing to help in my grieving process but it really truly did.

Shortly after that, our social worker emailed us! We needed to update a bunch of things to keep our file active. This was it, the moment I had been putting off. I responded that we would like to close our file. I didn't really go into why because it was hard to explain and I wanted to get this part over with. She called me later that day and I was able to explain a little more why we made this decision. She sounded sad and I felt bad but when I hung up, the peace that overwhelmed me was undeniable. It was done and I did feel confident that we made the right decision.

I want to talk about some of the things that have helped me move from a place of deep sorrow and struggle over a failed adoption to complete peace. I was talking with a friend about our situation and she said something so profound that I still come back to: "I'm sorry the choice was made for you." This was so helpful for me. I was being hard on myself for having such a hard time with this. It wasn't like we had a child already that was ripped from our home, or even that we had put any money into it that was lost. I know people who have had far more traumatic failed adoptions. This comment helped me be gentle with myself. It's hard when a choice that you would not choose is made for you. I let that sink in and instead of beating myself up, I let myself grieve that and that helped in letting go and moving on.

Another neat thing that happened was someone I follow on social media had asked a question about family sizes and was sharing others responses. One lady said something like this: "We have 5 kids but I wish we only had had 2 or maybe 3, but I feel like I can't talk about that. We aren't able to give our kids the travel and educational opportunities we dreamed of." I quite literally burst into tears when I read this. I always wanted a big family and I still think I would choose that if I could, but I again was able to shift my perspective and think about all the advantages that come with having a small family. We can more easily afford actives like dance, gymnastics, swimming, piano. Travel in general is easier and cheaper with less kids. We can hopefully do more of it. We can put aside more money for their education. We have more time and energy to give to 2 children verses 5. There are so many things! I tangibly changed my thinking from "We are missing out on dot dot dot" to "We get to do dot dot dot". I also used this strategy to help me cope with my infertility. It's a game changer!

I am so grateful to be in a place of contentment today. That's not to say I'm always content. The hardest part is understanding why. Why did God allow us to walk this long, very difficult road if we didn't get the baby at the end? That was the only thing that kept me going most days so what was the point? And I still can't answer that, and maybe I never will be able to, but I have to trust that God used this experience for our good and maybe for someone else's good. I'm sharing this because I've learned that their is value in being vulnerable. It brings connection, healing and joy. We are so grateful for all the love and support we've received in all our adoption journeys and we love this little family we've created!

Our Third Adoption Journey Part 1

 It's been a minute...is blogging still even a thing? I don't really care because I have a story to tell. It's one I've been meaning to tell for a while but I haven't been ready until now.  It's a story about our failed adoption.

In January 2018 (almost FIVE years ago??!), we announced on Facebook that we were beginning the adoption process for a third time. I posted a picture of the girls with Avi wearing a "Big Sister" shirt. That picture still makes me sad to look back on. I was definitely being presumptuous but I truly did feel certain that we would be expanding our family again. Leading up to this announcement we had met with a social worker about the possibility of fostering and were given the option to begin a home study towards an adoption. We began praying about it and I had one of those moments where God spoke so clearly to me that adoption was the path we should take. John was on the same page and we felt so in alignment as a trio. So I announced it on Facebook and we started the process.

Everything was going so smoothly at first. We took the courses we needed to take, both online and in person. We began meetings at our house with our social worker to start the home study process. We were meeting about once a month. In June everything came to a halt. Our social worker had some concerns about some methods of discipline we had used in the past and were not against, that the ministry felt we needed to be against, and our file came dangerously close to being closed. Our social worker, who really believed in us, fought for our file to remain open and it did, but we had to do a bunch of extra courses and basically change our opinion on this matter, and our file was put on a hold for 6 months. That was really hard. We felt so discouraged and a little bit discriminated against. We decided to take a break. We put aside all adoption related things for about half a year. Then we picked it back up and did the extra work that was asked of us and around mid 2019, we got the process going again.

This time, things did not move as quickly. Due to under staffing, our social worker had a very full plate and was not able to meet with us as often as before. The home study process became so dragged out. We felt like she kept going over and over the same things and that we were making no progress. It was extremely frustrating and discouraging. We almost quit so many times. The interesting thing was, we never both felt like quitting at the same time. When one of us was feeling low, the other one was feeling more certain then ever that God still wanted us to do this and would encourage the other person, and we would keep going. During this time, God really brought us closer as a couple. We felt so many spiritual attacks, which just gave us more determination that we were doing what God wanted us to do. We really had to rely on prayer and each other and while it was so difficult to walk through, now looking back I can see how pivotal it was in shaping our relationship, both with God and each other.

In February of 2020, we had our final visit! Our home study was done and all we needed to do was meet in person at the office in Saskatoon, review everything, and we would officially on the waiting list! We were so excited! Finally, we made it. We truly felt like we wouldn't be on the list for long and our baby would be home with us. I don't think I need to tell you what happened next...

The world shut down and once everything, the process stopped. No one knew where to go from there. We couldn't go meet in person to review our file so we just had to wait...again. I couldn't believe it, honestly. Why was this so hard? We still felt so strongly that this was God's will for us, so why were we hitting a wall again and again? In July, things had settled down a bit and we were able to go in and meet and we were on the wait list by the end of the month. Our social worker told us we were one of the best families she'd ever worked with and we were confident that we wouldn't be waiting long. John and I made a loose agreement with each other that we would give it a year, but there was no way it would take that long, right?

Covid definitely impacted the movement of kids from foster homes to permanent families. Things were moving slower then usual. As soon as we were on the wait list, we didn't hear a peep. I emailed our social worker about 6 months later, desperate for an update. I just wanted to know in general how things were moving. She didn't really give me a straight answer, she just said she knew the waiting was hard and to just keep waiting. Not helpful. In July of 2021, John brought up our agreement and I pushed back hard. I wasn't ready to close our file. I couldn't believe that our baby wasn't home yet and I couldn't imagine going through all that with nothing to show for it. John was ready to be done, but he didn't push me again. He could tell I wasn't there yet. We did both feel like it didn't hurt to keep our file open. Our life wasn't being daily impacted by this waiting so we kept on keeping on.

We did eventually start to have more conversations about the future. Our girls were getting older and the older they got, the less realistic it seemed to welcome a third child under the age of 3. I knew what we needed to do but still, I pushed back. We needed to close our file and this chapter of our lives. We needed to move forward as a forever family of four. People would often say things like "you are so blessed to have your two girls", and I know those comments came from a place of love, but they were so hurtful to me. Every single day I am very keenly aware of how lucky I am to have them. There's not a moment that I forget the journey to them. I didn't need to be reminded of that, but that didn't mean that what I was going through now, having to say goodbye to the death of a dream of a larger family, didn't matter and wasn't hard. I could be thankful for what I had while grieving what I didn't have. Those two feelings did, and still do, coexist in my heart. Finally though, I also arrived at the same place John had been for a while now. We did need closure. It was time.

To be continued...

Peace Out, 2020- A Year in Review

 Another year is coming to a close and 2020 was a nice, normal, non eventful year....

SAID NO ONE EVER.

In all seriousness, how do I even begin to recap this year? It's crazy to think that we are living out a truly historic time that will be written up in history books for decades to come. There has been so much negativity and division this year that I want to focus on the good moments in 2020. I can truly say that for our family, this year brought more good things than bad and for that I am grateful.

Highlights from 2020:

- the lockdown from March till June: this seems like a funny thing to list as a highlight but it honestly was my favorite time from this year. I ended up losing all my daycare families and became a homeschool mom. The girls and I spent every day together for two whole months, just the 3 of us, doing school, playing games and being creative with our time. It wasn't all roses, of course. Homeschooling was hard and I learned, as I had suspected, that the girls thrive in the school setting and homeschooling was not for them. But we did it, and we all learned a lot! Avi learned how to read, Cassidy made great strides in her spelling and mental math and I had so much fun learning alongside them. We really bonded during this time. I hadn't had this much one on one time with them since they were babies and it was really special.

Also, as a family this was such a special time. We spent the evenings either having family game night or family movie night. After the girls went to bed, John and I fell into a very comfortable routine. He played his computer game, I worked on a puzzle and we had The Office on in the background. We also got creative with at home date nights and made our own fancy meals together or ordered in from local restaurants. Our marriage really thrived this year. We hardly even had a disagreement and we really flourished with all the extended time spent together. 

All in all, a forced slowdown was exactly what we didn't know we needed. We were pretty busy pre-Covid and something that I'm taking away from all of this is that a slower lifestyle suits us much better. We were more engergized and more easygoing and relaxed. It was a very wonderful spring.

- Summer was another highlight. I started working again but just had a few families back. I worked straight through the summer and we had lots of fun playing outside and going on little adventures around Warman. We got to escape to the lake for a weekend, the girls and I took a trip to Sylvan Lake and the girls went with my parents to a cabin for a few days. It was a nice mix of adventure and relaxation.

- John and I celebrated our 10th anniversary in November. We had been planning on an all inclusive vacation to Mexico (thankfully we had not booked anything yet) and that trip being cancelled was the biggest disappointment of the year. Instead, we had a weekend staycation at a downtown hotel in Saskatoon and it was the most wonderful little getaway. We truly felt like tourist in our own city and being in our own city, we mostly just relaxed and recharged. We are still planning on that big vacation as soon as the quarantine period is lifted!

Other highlights:

- Aviannah and Cassidy turned 6 and 9 in March and finished Kindergarten and Grade 3 in June. They were able to return to school in September and both have amazing teachers and are really thriving being back in the school setting!

- We learned in August that Eric and Jill are having a baby in April 2021! We are all SO excited! This baby is going to be so loved!

- We finished our home study and officially got on the waiting list for our adoption in July. We pray every day that our 3rd child will come home soon! Here's hoping 2021 is finally the year we get to add to our family again.

Blessings from 2020:

- John never lost his job throughout the pandemic. Even though I did lose my job, I was able to collect CERB for two months. Financially, we remained stable and for that we are so grateful

-Health: I was super sick for the first 2 months of the year, right up until we learned about Covid. Looking back, I wonder if it was Covid that I had? Who knows. Since March, we've all stayed healthy. We had a mild cold at the end of August but other then that, we've been blessed with great health. Since starting daycare again in full force in September, we've had no sickness come through the house which is such a miracle! I'm praying this continues as we enter into the cold months of January and February.

-My daycare is busier then ever! All my families eventually came back and I have a few new ones starting in the new year. They are the most wonderful people to work for and I can't even believe that I get paid for spending my days with these fantastic little people.

-Our extended families are all happy and healthy as well.

I've saved the biggest highlight for last. If you follow me on social media, you'll know we undertook a major house renovation this year. It turned into a way bigger project then we originally intended. It all started with a desire to make our front door usable, and turned into a major overhaul inside and out. Once you start, it's hard to stop!! On the outside, we've literally changed everything. New siding, new windows and doors, new shingles, new exterior lights, plugs, mailbox and house numbers. On the inside, new paint on the main floor, new flooring in the living room and hallway, new furniture, new casings and baseboards, new light switch plates and plugs and new window seat. We contracted out the outdoor work but John has taken on all the indoor renos himself. He did a fantastic job and we are so pleased with our house. It feels like a brand new house! We plan to stay here for the foreseeable future and it's been such a gift turning this into our dream home. 

This year has definitely had it's hard moments. We are all feeling quite weary and drained from the toll this pandemic has taken on everything. Mentally, it has been quite exhausting and anxiety has crept up in me personally in some ways I haven't experienced in a long time. The fear and divisiveness this has all caused is so disheartening. I honestly have no idea what to expect in 2021, and I'm glad we don't know. God knows, and He is a good good Father, and that's all I need going into this next year. We are leaving 2020 stronger then  when we came in, closer as a family unit and stronger and more resilient as people. So goodbye 2020 and hello 2021!

Much love to you all.

And Now We Wait

I heard from our social worker the other day that we are officially registered and in the "waiting pool" as they call it. I had to tweak our family profile a bit and re-send that in and finally finally I am done everything from my end and...now we wait.

I'm finding this to be the weirdest waiting period out of our three adoptions. With Cassidy there wasn't a waiting period to get her, the whole thing was so surprising and unexpected. With her adoption, the wait happened once she was with us, the wait to get everything finalized. That took a lot longer then it should have but at least we had our girl home with us.
With Avi it was very similar to this one. We finished all our paperwork and were informed we were on the wait list, and waited until we got a phone call. That is exactly what will happen with this one as well. Our social worker will give us a call once we've been matched.
The HUGE difference between Avi's and this one is that with Avi we knew we were getting a newborn, so we could easily prepare for that. I feel like it was always on my mind because I was in a constant state of gathering baby items, setting up the nursery, etc. We were also super busy fundraising during that time so the adoption was very much the center of our lives.
This time there is nothing I can do to prepare because our age range is 0-3 and so there's no point in starting to gather items we might need because obviously a baby has different needs then a 3 year old and we won't know until we get the call what age this child will be, plus there is no fundraising necessary this time. 

My life is so hectic anyway that I feel like I often forget we are even in the midst of an adoption. But we could literally get a call any second that will change our lives. That is mind blowing to me. I know once we do get matched, everything is going to ramp up and it's going to be a mad rush to get everything together and this limbo right now feels so strange. I wish I could be preparing and setting up a room but it's pointless right now. 
I get crazy butterflies when I do think about it. We are just one phone call away from becoming a family of 5 (or 6!) My biggest prayer right now is that it happens sooner rather then later. This has been such a long process, it sure would be nice if this part didn't take too long. Your prayers for patience and peace are much appreciated! God willing, my next post on here will be introducing you to our new little one!!!

Big Update!!

I literally cannot stop smiling right now...

January 2018 is when we began the adoption process for kid #3 (as we lovingly refer to him/her when we pray for him/her). Everything started by moving along fairly quickly. By the end of January we had most of the documents in order that we needed and had almost completed our in class sessions. 

We started our visits to complete our mutual family assessment (MFA) and were able to meet pretty regularly, about once a month. In June the process came to a complete stop due to concerns from our worker's supervisor. We were told that we would likely not be able to proceed. Our worker told us that we are one of the best families she has ever worked with and she was going to do everything she could to advocate for us to keep moving forward. Thankfully our file was not closed and instead just put on hold for 6 months and we were tasked with some extra training and classes if we wanted to keep moving forward. 

We were so discouraged and frustrated. The reasons we were put on hold felt unfair. We decided to take a break. We left everything alone for a good 4-5 months, then we started to chip away at the extra tasks we'd been given. About mid 2019 we emailed our worker with our list of completed assignments and picked up from where we left off. She came for her next visit in July of 2019. We hadn't seen her in a year and a month. Unfortunately her workload was insane. The office was understaffed and overworked. We were at the bottom of her priority list, not by any fault of hers, that's just how it worked out. So we had one visit in July and the next one wasn't until fall, and the third one was February 2020.  Also, a bunch of our documents we had completed in January of 2018 had expired so we had to redo those. Our last visit where we completed the MFA was at the beginning of March 2020. She did a walk through of our home and said once she got everything typed and put together we could come in and sign off on our MFA and officially be on the wait list!

Then Covid 19 happened. Everything shut down. We communicated through email and our MFA was completed and ready for us to sign but that just wasn't possible because their offices were closed. So again, we waited. Honestly this was almost the hardest wait. We were so close! Things were finally moving quicker and then again, everything slammed to a halt. Last week we got an email from our worker saying that we could meet in her office to sign off on our MFA! With Saskatchewan entering Phase 3, they were allowed back in their building again.

Today was that day! This morning we met and went through our MFA (30 pages long!) and signed off. We had to sit across the room from our worker and it was so hard not to jump up and give her a hug. Her supervisor was in the office today and she is signing off on it this afternoon, then it gets sent to Regina to the Central Adoption Registry and by early next week, we should be registered and in the waiting pool! 

What a rollar coaster this has been! This adoption has felt like a fight every step of the way. Our worker even said we were admirable for sticking it out, she said not many people would be willing to go through all the hoops we had to go through. The truth is, I'm surprised we stuck it out too. I was ready to give up countless times, as was John. The thing was, whenever I was ready to give in, he pushed me through it and when he was feeling discouraged was when I was feeling persistent. I know this was not a coincidence. We have felt with everything in us that this is what God wants us to do. Even on the hardest days, we have been sure of this. I am so excited to meet this little one that God has picked out for us, because it has been a long road and we are more then ready to hold this child in our arms!

Please keep us in your prayers. We have no idea how long we will be waiting for. Our worker couldn't give us any kind of timeline because every situation is different. Also, because of Covid things are moving much slower. I'm just thankful that everything is out of our hands now and we can just sit back and wait for that phone call! I honestly can't believe that we are finally here. I have been guarding my heart and not fully letting myself believe that this is actually going to happen and now it's actually going to happen! There has been so much that God has taught me through this process (I could do a whole blog post on that alone) but the biggest thing is that His timing is perfect. One day we will look back on this and see that everything happened exactly how and when it was supposed to. I'm so thankful for His faithfulness to us, and His nudge in our hearts to keep going, keep going, keep going.

Nothing Like A Pandemic to Get Me Blogging Again

It's been a year since I've wrote on here. I guess blogs aren't even really a "thing" anymore, but the time of life we are living through right now is so historic that I wanted to come on here and write down all my thoughts and feelings. I know I'll never forget this time, but details will become fuzzy and I want them recorded to look back on later. So this is really for me, but I have a feeling you might relate to most of this as well.

Today is April 2, 2020. When I look back to a month ago it is shocking how life has changed in every single way. I'm no stranger to how life can change in the blink of an eye, but it still isn't any less shocking when it happens. Our world is in the middle of a pandemic. Schools, churches, restaurants, hair salons, theaters, small business, shopping malls, playgrounds and more have closed. People are working from home. Parents are homeschooling their kids. We have been told to social distance and stay at home. We can't see our families, except over the internet. Borders are closed and travel is banned. Ironically, gas is cheaper then ever and we can't even go anywhere. 

So right now our life looks a lot different. I am not doing daycare right now. All of my families are at home with the kids and I'm not currently needed. So I'm home with just my girls. We are loosely following a school schedule and waiting for the weather to get nicer. John is still going to work. He works by himself in the shop so he's not at a high risk of contracting or spreading the virus. His work has still been busy, thankfully. All our evening events are cancelled. I just flipped the calendar over to April yesterday and sadly took note of all the events written for the month. Kids club, swimming lessons, gymnastics, Easter, school break. These were all exciting things to look forward to and now it's all cancelled. 

The girls are handling everything remarkably well. We had a tough first week of adjustment but we've fallen into a good groove. I know they miss their teacher and their friends. We had signed Cassidy up for gymnastics after a year of her begging to take lessons and they were supposed to start in 2 weeks. I just got an email saying that the spring session has been cancelled. They can't even go to the park outside our back gate. It's a lot of disappointment for little girls to handle. It's a lot for even me to handle. For the most part, I'm not minding this slower pace of life, and then all of a sudden I find myself crying into my pillow, overcome with the seriousness of the situation. I miss my friends too. I'm sad that the girls can't see their grandparents. I miss church. I miss going out and not being afraid that everything I touch could potentially make me or someone else sick. I miss date nights and restaurants. 

Our situation is not dire at all. John is still working and I'm hoping to qualify for the emergency benefits they are rolling out next week. We have money in our savings. Financially, we will be just fine. Physically, we are fine. In fact, we've been healthier then we've been in a while. We also just really enjoy being together. I feel like our marriage has never been better. I can't remember the last time we've argued. The girls have their moments but we are having lots of good, intentional family time. We are still putting the girls to bed on time so we can have an evening. I've been enjoying doing puzzles while John plays on the computer and we watch The Office together. I also dug out a piano piece that I didn't have time to learn, because now I do! I am loving having nothing up every night. I hope we can look back on this time and agree that it was a special bonding time for our family. 

I've been going for a walk everyday, without fail. Even yesterday, when it was miserable and cold, I still went, just not for as long. Even 20 minutes outside, by myself, in the fresh air, does wonders for my mental health. John has been so understanding about how I need this time and usually takes on bedtime while I'm out walking. We've always been a good team and I feel like lately we've been a great team! I've also been making myself get up at 7:30 every morning. I typically get up at 7 to get ready before my first daycare kids arrive. Now I really don't have anything to get up for. The girls usually eat breakfast with John. I could very easily let them play or watch a show while I sleep in. I find that if I do that, my day is shot. I am not a morning person but once I'm up, the morning is my most productive time of day. So I've been keeping my morning routine the same. Get up, get dressed, make the bed, empty the dishwasher and have my breakfast and coffee. We start school at 9:00 and by then I usually have done all these things and am ready to go. I'm hoping this will make the transition back into normal life easier as well (whenever that happens!)

Overall, we are doing fine. My heart hurts for those who are really struggling during this time. I know how blessed we are. For lots of children, school is their only safe space. Many people are struggling financially. This virus is wrecking havoc on our economy. It will not be an easy recovery. I had a lot of anxiety about everything for the first week. I am slowly settling into our new normal with the mantra "One day at a time". That's all we can do, and that's all God asks of us. I've had the chorus of Because He Lives running through my head lately. I think the words could not be more perfect during this time

"Because He lives, I can face tomorrow

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future

And life is worth the living just because He lives!"

2020, you are proving to be quite the year so far! Thank goodness nothing surprises God!